Have you heard saying that strongest love those who do not need anything from you? But there are also words that many use to express their love: I love you and I need you as I need the air. Which of these statements come closer to you and is more acceptable?
The first sounds defiantly, the second is romantic, but in the first, how it not be strange, is the key to freedom, happiness and wholesome relationships, and the second is the straightest path to suffering.
When we learn to take care about our own essential needs, fully assuming our responsibility, we are taking a firm and sure step towards to full-fledged and happy relationship with another person. When our values and confidence’s source is inside us, we do not need getting mad from thirst, run from one partner to the next, from dad to mom, from children to grandchildren, that these again and again would confirm that we really are appreciated and needed, the smart and a skillful, loving and committed.
We do not need to tremble, whether someone will praise us, or may assess, whether notice us? We do not need to look for evidence that we really love, we do not need to pretend and at all costs try to please, manage, control others. It is thus exhausting! Forcing us not to be, but look like.
When we nothing and to no one have to prove, when we do not need to get the confirmation from anyone that we are worthy of love and loved, because long ago already have realized it by selves, our life and our relationship becomes a love dance!
We love; we give with a joy, because we just cannot imagine a bigger fun and bigger pleasure! And so, in most cases we receive both the love and feedback, and even gratitude. But there are also possible that do not receive anything. Often, however, it has little to do with us. We understand that such is now perception of the human we are related with, that currently he has such convictions, that he sees the phenomenon not as we do, and we do not take it personally.
If we really did not have any ulterior motives to get recognition, remuneration, respect, estimation, if it was not a way to check our own value, why it should be our source of pain? After all, we did the good things out of love, the most enriching ourselves!
Or maybe we know any meaningful occupation or hobby? After all, we do not want to become only uncles and aunts of someone’s, and after get a rare call just to think maybe someone have dead? We do not want to be associated with feelings of guilt to our children, because they’ve heard a hundred times, how much we have done for them, how much sacrificed. We do not want to be really those, which friends seeing our number in phone screen, who only sighs when we ask why they never call us? We do not want to receive flowers, kisses and praises from our husbands and attention from our wives simply because they finally want to be left alone. Let us remember ourselves how we feel next to people who constantly lack of attention, evaluation, love. There is a wish to escape from such people. No one wants to be close to those who constantly make people feel guilty and bad.
Let’s take care of own needs, to make a priority our relation with selves and love ourselves, search answers within us until there are no any grievances, omissions and misunderstandings. And then just live and rejoice fantastic, full-fledged relations with life and all those with whom life brought us together – peacefully and not without a reason.