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These Are My Growing Pains of Life

When I was a kid I ‘t think that I realized how big the world is. How much was really out there. I wouldn’t say that I was sheltered, but I would say that I was limited to what I knew because the people around me where limited to what they knew. It doesn’t seem that they really learned what all was all there as far as education and the power of knowing ones self.

I am an adult now, so I can’t blame my parents for the things that they never taught me because they themselves didn’t know. All I can do now and is learn everything that I can possibly learn and be the best mother that I can be with the tools that are provided to me.

I would be lying though if I said that I never stop and think what my life would be like if my mom taught or encouraged me to be happy in the skin that I am in. If she taught me how to begin to love myself, to find what it was that gave me passion and to run with it. To chase it down and capture every moment. To take note of every mistake and learn from them, to not be ashamed or afraid to fail, because after all, all the greats fell and what made them champions is their courage to get back up.  I wonder if my life would have been different. Not that my life is harder than anyone else. I am blessed with a husband and kids and we live comfortably. So I am grateful for the things we have and it’s not the material things that I yearn for, it’s just I wish there was someone who would have taught me more about life.

Life as a wife and mother. I struggle at both, but I believe that I am my worst crictic. Everyone around me tells me what a good job I am doing, my husband and kids are happy, but it’s me wishing that I would do better and more of this or that. Eventually, I’ll get there I guess, I am figuring it all out. That’s all that I can really do, right?

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How to Stay in Love Forever With Your Lover

Let’s face it, falling in love is something very exciting but staying in love can be painful at times.

You may not voice this out loud or even talk about it with your partner.

But at some point in every long relationship, all of us wonder about how to stay in love forever.

Even in the happiest of relationships, it’s natural to get interested in someone else or find someone else attractive.

It may seem surprising, but it’s against human instincts to stay in a monogamous relationship or not find someone else sexually appealing.

But then again, social norms and societal pressures bind us to stay in a committed relationship.

How to stay in love forever

To understand how to stay in love forever, we have to understand the basic requirements of a romantic relationship.

And we have to accept that sexual attraction and love are two completely different aspects that come together in a successful romantic relationship.

Staying in romantic love with your lover doesn’t just depend upon intense love or affection for your partner.

If staying in love was all about fondly liking someone or loving them unconditionally, there’s no difference in the love you’d experience for a friend, a sibling, a child or even a parent. In these cases, love is unconditional.

But romantic love needs intense love and sexual attraction to work successfully. And to make a relationship work, you need to keep the relationship alive and relive the excitement of the first few weeks of love every day for the rest of your lives.

Of course, it’s rather difficult to trick your mind into recreating those fleeting glances of first love and those passionate first kisses, but it’s definitely doable if you use these simple relationship changing steps on how to stay in love.

Ways to stay in love forever

To stay in love forever, learn to keep an open mind and always exchange thoughts with your partner to create new exciting memories that can last a lifetime. And never ever forget the two things that are required to stay in love, affection and sexual desire. Find out how to use affection and sexual desire to stay in love with each other using these tips.

Get a great body

Yes, this is shallow. And you need to face it, sexual desire is shallow too! If you want your partner to love you and desire you, you really can’t expect your partner to desire your Michelin tires, can you?

In several extensive surveys, it’s seen that over 60% of Americans are either overweight or obese. In the beginning of a relationship, you pay attention to your physique and try to look your fittest best. But as the years go by, you know you have a partner who won’t leave you anyway and you just stop taking care of your own body.

To feel good in a relationship or to sexually attract your partner, you really need to like what you see in the mirror every day. You can’t expect the affection and sexual interest to stay on if you can’t arouse your partner anymore. It’s brutal, but you can’t laze like a slob and expect your partner to genuinely think you’re sexy and find you desirable!

Dress up and look your best

Looking fit and getting a great physique is the first step to knowing how to stay in love, but that’s just not enough to arouse the sexual desire in long term relationships. You also have to understand how to look good when you’re walking down the street.

Sexual desire is an evolutionary trait, but knowing that there are a lot of other people who give you a second glance involuntarily makes your own partner desire you more.

Look your best, whether you’re at home or out with your partner at the movies or at a restaurant. Groom yourself and awe the people around you, and your partner will love you more, respect you more and definitely sexually desire you more than you’ll ever know!

Give each other space

As the relationship grows older, lovers start to spend time with each other a lot more than they would at the beginning. While spending every evening together is a great way to bond, it’s not good for the relationship.

If you really want to know how to stay in love forever, you need to learn to give each other space in the relationship to grow as individuals. Create your own hobbies and explore your own interests. Enjoy something that you love doing, be it playing video games or gardening, and grow your own passions. Keep your own lives interesting, and you’ll be able to have better and more interesting conversations with your partner.

Go out with your own friends

In a long term relationship, the lives of the partners are too closely entwined and one partner’s life becomes the other partner’s life. But for a successful romantic relationship, you have to remember that both of you are two individuals who love each other and desire each other, not two people who are attached at the hips. Every now and then, spend time with your own friends, have your own jokes and share your own gossip.

Understanding how to stay in love forever can be difficult to follow if all you look forward to is the monotony of a bored life together, right from the moment you wake up to the time you kiss each other good night.

In a successful relationship, both partners have to be excited to see each and share the events of their daily lives. If there’s no difference between one day and the next, your relationship can get pretty boring and distasteful.

Spend time with each other

To stay in love forever, it’s important to give each other space and grow your own life. But at the same time, both partners should spend enough time with each other to talk about each other’s day and spend quality time with each other, be it watching movies or just cuddling up and watching the evening soaps on the television.

Most couples assume they have to spend every minute possible with each other, but for a relationship to be successful, that’s just not true.

More than the time spent with each other, what really matters is the quality time either of you spend with each other. By creating your own lives, both of you would have a lot more to talk about with each other. At the same time, both of you would be excited to spend time with each other instead of just sitting next to each other and staring into space or reading a book. By avoiding all individual social activities, hobbies and social interactions and spending all the time with each other, you aren’t really improving your relationship. Instead, you’re just boring each other and preventing each other from growing into exciting individuals who can be more fun and interesting. Knowing how to stay in love forever is pretty simple, as long as you remember to stay as two individuals in love instead of one couple living together.

To keep a relationship exciting, it takes little steps to help each other become better individuals and grow each day, so that each of you can inspire your partner to become a better person.

After all, isn’t it more exciting to fall in love with a better person every day, rather than live with someone whom you fell in love with years ago? Use these tips on how to stay in love forever.

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Reasons You’re Single Even Though You’re A Catch

You’re awesome but you’re single. What are you doing wrong? Absolutely nothing. Here are 12 reasons you’re single even though you’re a catch.

1. YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN SETTLING.

You know what type of people settle? The ones who think they’re running out of time to find something real and those who think true love isn’t in the cards for them. However, that’s not the case for you. You know he’s out there and you’re not settling for anything less.

2. YOU’RE WAITING TO MEET SOMEONE WORTHY OF YOUR AWESOMENESS.

You’re amazing, so why would you even bother being with someone who doesn’t equal you in that? I mean, seriously. It’ll totally be worth the wait.

3. YOU DON’T NEED A MAN TO VALIDATE YOUR EXISTENCE.

You might think it’d be nice to have a partner in crime sometimes, but you certainly don’t spend all your time pining after a guy – and you don’t feel bad about it, either. Instead, you live your life and don’t let it revolve around finding someone.

4. YOU’RE TOO BUSY LIVING YOUR LIFE.You have trips to take, people to meet, projects to tackle, and you have a goal to go to 30 countries before you turn 30. Your schedule is pretty damn packed.

5. YOU’RE FOCUSED ON YOUR CAREER.

It may sound like some sort of copout or a cliché, but this is 2015. What woman isn’t focused on her career to some degree? You love what you do and you’re good at it. That’s worth being proud of, for sure.

6. YOU’VE GOT GREAT FRIENDS TO DISTRACT YOU FROM ROMANCE.

Once you get a boyfriend, the time you spend with your friends is immediately cut in half. Boyfriends are great and all, but friends are a whole other level of great.

7. GUYS AREN’T AS INTO COMMITMENT AS THEY ONCE WERE.

We live in a culture where hooking up seems to take precedence over serious relationships. While hooking up is fun and one-night stands are a blast, it’s hard to find commitment in a sea of men who just aren’t into it. In this particular case, your singleness is totally out of your control.

8. YOUR CONFIDENCE IS REALLY INTIMIDATING.

It’s true! Even the cockiest of men will second guess themselves before even daring to approach a woman of your caliber.

9. YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON YOU FIRST.

Before you can share your life with someone else, you first need to know who you are, what you want, and in what direction you’re headed. It’s not fair to offer only half of yourself to someone when you’re still not completely whole.

10. YOU DON’T REALLY HAVE TIME TO MEET PEOPLE.

You didn’t even have time to eat lunch today, let alone set up an online dating profile. In fact, you’re not even sure you have time to swipe more than once or twice on Tinder.

11. YOU’RE TOO IN LOVE WITH SINGLE LIFE.

When your life is perfect already, it’s hard to want to bring someone else into the mix. While you may want a boyfriend, there’s the fact that having one will change the life you’ve made for yourself. There’s nothing wrong with change, but it’s also something you need to do on your own time.

12. YOU’RE NOT READY.

So why push something you’re not 100% about it yet?

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Signs You’re Ready To Date Again After A Bad Breakup

Not sure if you’re ready to get out there and meet someone new? Here’s a few things you need to be able to say “yes” to before you’re ready to date again.

1. You want to date for the right reasons

Once you’re no longer looking for rebounds or trying to make your ex jealous, then you are quite ready. You’re not trying to fill a void left behind by the breakup. Instead, you’re dating because you’re ready to move on and meet new people.

2. You have done a logical introspection

If you’re still blaming your ex for everything that went wrong in your relationship, you’re not ready to date yet. Part of moving on is being able to own up to your own personal BS and mistakes – even if that mistake was dating your ex in the first place.

3. Your anger is gone

You’re perfectly entitled to feel angry as hell after a breakup. Allow yourself to feel all the feelings – even the ugly ones that make you want to throw stuff against the wall. You need to process all the crappy emotional stuff or you’re going to carry all these negative feelings into your next relationship.

4. You took your time

If you took your time and healed completely before deciding to have a go at love again, you are doing just right.

5. You are fine with being alone

Being single does not faze you, and being in a relationship  is just something that happened in the natural course.  It wasn’t forced, neither was it chased as a way if forgetting your anger and misery.

6. YOU’VE REACHED THE POINT WHERE YOU’RE NO LONGER CONSTANTLY TALKING OR THINKING ABOUT YOUR EX. This is a big one. It’s totally normal to think about your ex and want to talk about the break up after it happens. The healing process after a breakup isn’t complete until you’ve had a chance to air all of your grievances and vent until you’re blue in the face. No one wants to date the person who is still obsessed with their ex. Take time to process the breakup. When you’re ready to date again you’ll be able to leave your past relationship where it belongs: in the past.

7. YOU’VE DONE SOMETHING REALLY NICE FOR YOURSELF.  Your heart was broken, you deserve some self-love and to indulge a little. Whether that involves treating yourself to a massage, that tattoo you’ve been saving for or just taking some time out to chill,  you need to give this gift to yourself before you start dating again – if only to remind yourself that you’re 100% worth it.

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How to be an amazing partner to your pregnant wife.

Guys, here are 10 ways to be extra-sweet when your wife or girlfriend is pregnant with your child.

At some point of that sweet romantic journey with the love of your life, she’s going to get pregnant with your child, and you’d have to not just be there for her, you need to be spectacular at it.

Here are ways to be a fantastic boyfriend or husband in the course of your partner’s pregnancy.

1. Be there

This is what your babe needs most – you.

There is no better way to support your partner during pregnancy than to be there. And not only are you to be there for her physically, but emotionally as well.

Go with her to as many antenatal checkups as you can, and make sure you are there for the ultrasound scans.

2. Be strong for her

Really, growing a baby is exhausting and now that she’s pregnant there are many ways you can help her out and make life easier for her.

The best place to start is around the home. Take on a few extra chores so that your partner can get some much-needed sleep without the house falling into disarray.

Pregnancy takes its toll on her energy levels.

3. Be understanding

She might be feeling too nauseous to even touch the food she was craving so badly just an hour ago. She may also be too tired to go to that party, or too desperate for the bathroom to stop crying on the motorway.

As her hormones wreak havoc on her body and mind, you may find that she gets upset about inconsequential things. Give her a break. Pregnancy has its fair share of ups and downs, but you can make it much easier by cutting her a little slack.

4. Tell her she’s beautiful

Her body will go through changes. Stretch marks, swollen feet, weight gain, and all that stuff.

While she won’t be feeling much like her old self, it is your responsibility to always remind her that she’s gorgeous, especially when she really puts in effort to look so.

Compliment her on her bump, and make sure she knows just how much you love her.

It’s a major key.

5. Massages

She’ll be needing a lot of this in that period. Whether it’s foot rubs, lower back rubs or all over body massages she wants, now is the time to be not just a husband, but also an a-grade masseuse.

6. Pregnant sex

This is even medically advisable and you should absolutely do.

There’s a tact to it however, and you should pay attention to it as much as you want to be careful to not hurt her.

7. Prioritise her

Whether or not she’s preggers, you’d need this in your relationship with your special woman.

Now that she’s pregnant, however, it becomes triple important that your priority is her and the well-being of the baby in growing inside her… your baby.

There’ll be days of ridiculous cravings at awkward times, mood swings and whatnot. Be prepared to be there through all of that.

8. Be extra sensitive

During pregnancy, women’s senses are heightened so you have to be extra sensitive too.

9. Create some memories

Modern relationships are rife with pregnancy shoots and beautiful memories created before the unwrapping of the bundle of joy.

So when your babe says it’s time for the pregnancy shoot, don’t shoot down the idea and don’t make yourself scarce as well.

10. Look after her

In summation, just look after your woman, whatever her peculiar pregnancy routine is.

Different women go through pregnancy in different ways and you need to be willing and ready to help your babe through hers in a special way that’s tailor-suited for her personal 9-month journey.

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All the struggles of getting into a celibate relationship after leaving a sexual one

Here are 5 struggles you should expect when moving into a celibate relationship after a sexual one.

You may ask yourself why someone who was in sexual relationship would even agree to go into another one and decide to be celibate against his or her ‘real wish’.

The answer to that is that sometimes, people often make rash decisions that they’d later discover that they can’t go through with.

So don’t be surprised that there are people who would enter into clearly sexless relationships and then turn around and start demanding sex midway through the relationship.

Whether it was a well-thought decision or not, however, here are struggles you should expect when moving into a celibate relationship after a sexual one.

1. The switch is never easy

Theoretically, you could be prepared for the change from that previous relationship to a life of love without sex.

Afterall, what could be difficult in loving your partner with all your heart without laying  finger on them sexually? Nothing  right?

Well, it’s usually not that easy.

2. More masturbation

Whether you are a man or woman, you may find yourself trying to relieve that sexual tension by yourself. Having sex for a while and then trying to stop never really comes easy and self-pleasuring could be your way of getting off during that difficult period before you become completely weaned off sex.

For some people the masturbation never really stops.

3. Tempted to cheat

Also the temptation to cheat may be overpowering sometimes [or many times]. Afterall, your partner trusts you completely and would allow you go for a sleep over at your friend’s place.

What he/she doesn’t know is that you once had great sex with your friend’s neighbor who has since been begging for a rematch.

Now that you are horny and there’s no chance of getting it with your partner, the temptation is very strong to give in to one more night with him/her.

Afterall no one will tell your boyfriend, right?

4. Unknowingly pressuring your partner

You may find yourself putting pressure on your partner without even knowing it. Your make out sessions  have clearly been limited to kisses and a few touch here and there but you may find yourself testing, pushing all those limits everytime you make out with your partner.

If only your partner wasn’t just so firm with their stand on the no-sex policy, you know what would have happened

5. Don’t enter relationships you can’t cope with

It is important at all times to date at your level. Always be equally-yoked with your partner. You want sex, date someone who wants sex. Don’t squeeze yourself into a relationship and get stuck in uncomfortable situations.

Relationships are to be enjoyed, not endured.

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Parents, not only a word

Parents not only give us birth but they give us a life. Nothing is worth their value. We exist because of them. But is that it? Not only a life but they give us a reason for our life, a goal. No one is nothing without their parents. Everyone needs them all the time. We may not realize it but we are so much dependent on them that we forget their value. We start taking them for granted. And a time comes when they become a headache but still we do not realize that we need them the most.

Their advice is the best thing one could ever receive because it is a universal fact that they are always right. We are always ignorant in the beginning but eventually, we come running back to them. Not everyone is lucky enough to get the unconditional love of their parents but those who are should always be there for their parents. A lot of cases have come up recently about the abandoning of old people by their children. Abandoning those who gave them life, taught them how to eat, walk, learn and what not only to end up in some old age home. We can never match up to the sacrifices that they have made for us unless it is for our kids later.

Nothing can be compared to the pain suffered by our mothers of carrying us in her womb for nine months and finally giving birth, waking up all night just to look after after us when we are sick, always providing the last piece of food even if she is hungry or the hours of hard work by our father to provide enough for us, his family. We never notice the small bits of happiness they give us. Rather we are frustrated in our own many ways that we forget to keep them happy only to realize they still wish our best.

So it is our time now to repay for what they have done for us and to make their each sacrifice count. This does not mean buying expensive gifts or them but even spending a little time with them can surely make their day. Sharing your daily day details, asking theirs, taking them out is the least we could for them. Never neglect your parents and always be there for them because we owe a lot to them.

 

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Is Anyone Else Feeling Really Unappreciated

I think that it is absolutely crazy how we are ” surronded by love” by yet we still feel alone. The last couple of days have really been depressing. I feel like no appreiates me. I don’t want people constantly praising me, but just some acknowledgement of my existance would be ok. It just hit me last night that only one person in my life actualy talks to me without wanting anything from me. No one calls to check up on me and the only time I hear from people is when they need something. The crazy thing is people call and ask for money when they know that my husband is the only person working and we are raising 4 kids. Just because we manage to survive from his check alone doesn’t mean that we can pay our bills and rent and feed our kids and take care of other people’s bills too. In what world does that even make sense? Then there’s people who feel like just because I am a stay at home mom that I have nothing else to do but sit at home watching tv eat ding dongs. I wish! I do have times and days where I can just relax but they are far and between and trust when I do get those times and days I need every minute of it for my own sanity. A part of me just wants to turn my phone off but I feel like the day or second I do a really important call may come through. So for the last few days I have been screening calls and not returning calls, I feel like if it’s important they’ll leave a voicemail or text.

Then there’s still that part of me that feels bad about how I feel. I am blessed and I thank God everyday for providing me and my family with everything that we have. We aren’t struggling and I want to be there for people, but I don’t want that to be the only reason people talk or assoicate with me. Is it really too much to ask for a call of how I’m doing, if I need anything today, have I eaten today ( because most days I’m so busy I forget to eat; then it’s always dinner time before I even realize that I hadn’t eaten anything that day). Is it too much for someone to call me and as”Do you wanna go grab lunch or get a drink, it’s me?” I’ve done that before with just about everyone that I call a friend, but I have not gotten anything in return, especially on really overwhelming days.

Look I realize that everyone has a life and things that they need to accomplish and they can’t spend every waking moment wondering or worrying about me because they have their own things to worry about, but why is it so hard to pick up the phone at least once a month or every other week shoot a text, Facebook message, snap chat message etc. That’s something everyone takes time out of their day to do anyways. Does anyone else feel like this?

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Journey To A Better Me

It seems that since I have become a mother my whole life has changed. Usually that’s how it goes right? Your life is supposed to change because it’s no longer just you that you have to take care of. I remember after I had my oldest son I told myself that he was going to be the only one. Sure enough 3 more boys came! This is where life started really getting interesting!

While I was pregnant with my last son my husband and I got married. I don’t know what it was about that day. I kept feeling like I was supposed to be excited. Like my life was really about to change, but in all honesty nothing felt different at all. We had already been living together and we had a second kid on the way, plus we had already been together 2 years.  After that day everything began to become overwhelming and I didn’t realize until just a few years ago that I had completely forgotten who I was. In fact I started to become someone I never wanted to be.

If I am completely honest now, getting married was never ever in my plans. I don’t know, I just never saw myself as falling in love with anyone, wasn’t really sure that true, real love even existed. In fact when my husband first asked me to marry him I said no. I told him to wait another year to ask me with the hopes that he would change his mind about getting married. After all, all I knew about marriages is they didn’t work. The only people who were still married were my grandparents.

Then a year later, my grandpa came to me he liked my husband since the day he met him and he said that it was time to get married. I took it as my sign from God, that this was in fact the man that I was supposed to marry. So I said yes and in a matter of months we were getting married. Not too long after we married things began to change. My husband didn’t give me the attention that he did before we were married. In fact he told me that he didn’t have to try so hard now because he already married me. I think that was the turning point of me and who I was.

A few months in the marriage I came across a guy that had a huge crush on when I was little and he was single at the time. We started chatting and getting to know each other again and come to find out he had a crush on me too. When he told me that I believed it, but I can clearly remember him being a womanizer and pretty much just loved the attention from whoever would give it to him. Needless to say, we started an very inappropriate conversation and I was swept up in everything he was saying. It had gotten to the point where I would begin to think about him a lot. He would send me good morning messages, which to me showed that I was on his mind when he woke up. We would chat all day long and this started to put distance between my husband and I. My husband was so caught up in work that I didn’t even think that he noticed. Long story short my husband ended up seeing all the messages that we had been sending back and forth and he got upset.

At first I didn’t too much care because this guy was giving me time that my husband wasn’t, but then I saw how much it was hurting my husband and it took a while but my husband forgave me and I stopped talking to that guy. Then for a few months after that things would seem to go really well my husband started showing the attention that he once showed before, then out of the blue it stopped again, and once again I was searching for someone to make me feel wanted. So I joined a dating app and started talking to a new guy and once again the conversation became very inappropriate. Again I was caught and again we went down that same road of arguments and pattern, until my husband finally said that it couldn’t happen again and if it did he would leave.

At this point I told myself that no matter what happened, I needed to stop the nonsense and behave like  a married woman. For a while I did good. But I started feeling unappreciated again from my husband and kids. I started to feel like I had no worth and all the work that I was putting in to be better didn’t even matter because at the end of the day no one cared about me. About my feelings, wants or needs and I needed someone to care about me. I needed someone to make me feel like a person. Sad to say I met someone else he thought I was beautiful and made me feel as such.

I would preform my wifely duties and mother duties at home but in my spare time I would lie about where I was going. I started meeting up with the new guy, who just happened to be the brother of the first guy. He was closer to my age. He knew I had a husband and kids and he wasn’t looking for anything serious. We decided that we would be friends and see where things went from there. I felt so a live when him and I were together. I felt more like me when I was with him. We spent our time talking and laughing and he would hold me. Something I missed with my husband, the only time my husband would show affection was when he wanted something from me. But with this guy it wasn’t like that. He enjoyed spending time with me and I enjoyed his time as well. We watched movies together, smoked together, discovered new music together. We debated a lot, so our conversations were always high spirited.

He made me feel like if something had ever happened between my husband and I that there would still be hope in finding someone that would love me. Even with all my kids. Our relationship went on for months until he started demanding more of my time. Now it wasn’t that he was asking more of my time, it was that I took it that he wanted more of me in a relationship. I didn’t want to just assume, so I asked him and sure enough I was right, the only thing was he was willing to be the side guy only until she found someone that he was going to start a serious relationship with. If that happened, her said that he would be faithful to her and wouldn’t cheat on her with me. That rubbed  the wrong way. How could he have no problem with me cheating on my husband with him, but wouldn’t do the same if he found someone he wanted to make his girlfriend? That seemed like a double standard to me. That changed our relationship. That to me meant that he only wanted to play with my emotions.

I didn’t want to tell him how pissed I was, because I didn’t want to feel like I was catching feeling for him or anything, and I didn’t want him to think I was crazy and then use that as an excuse for him to stop talking to me. No way I was going to let this fuck boy end things ( break up) with me, so I lied and said my husband found out about him and for both of our safety we should call it off. I felt good about it for a few days. Then a few days later I started thinking about him again, I started missing him. So I emailed him everything that I was feeling. I laid it all out. A week went by and I never heard anything from him. So I gave in and texted him asking if he had gotten it. I forgot to delete the message and my husband went through my phone and found the text, then he went through my sent mail and found the email that I sent to him. Then he woke me up and my husband was in tears. He said it was over and for the first real time of all the many times we had been here in this situation, my heart broke. We fought something ugly I packed my bags and I thought this was really it.

My husband did something that changed me though, he took me by the hand and told me I wasn’t going anywhere and neither was he, that we were going to work this out. This is when it hit me, I remember asking God why hanging out with my friend felt so good if it was so wrong. This was the answer…I feel like everything that happened this time with my friend showed me that the grass wasn’t any better on the other side and that I needed to really take a minute and examine my life and my choices, so that’s what I’ve been doing.

I feel that since then I have come a hell of a long way, but you’ll have to wait until my next post to see what things I’ve had to discover about myself, and let me tell you, once I started down this road of who I am and who I want to me, it’s been one I’ll never forget.

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The Differences Between Love and Lust

Firstly we want to look into what love is all about.

Love is involuntary.  Brain science tells us it’s a drive like thirst.  It’s a craving for a specific person. It’s normal, natural to “lose control” in the early stage of romance.  Love, like thirst, will make you do strange things,  But knowledge is power.  It’s a natural addiction and treating it like an addiction can help you. We were built to fall in love and if I may ask: Are YOU in love?

The ancient Greeks called love “the madness of the gods.”  Modern psychologists define it as it the strong desire for emotional union with another person.  But what, actually, is love.  It means so many different things to different people. Songwriters have described it, “Whenever you’re near, I hear a symphony.” Shakespeare said, “Love is blind and lovers cannot see.”  Aristotle said, “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.”

THE OVERALL HYPOTHESIS

But we think that romance is one of three basic brain systems that evolved for mating and reproduction:

The sex drive or lust—the craving for sexual gratification–evolved to enable you to seek a range of potential mating partners.   After all, you can have sex with someone you aren’t in love with.  You can even feel the sex drive when you are driving in your car, reading a magazine or watching a movie.  Lust is not necessarily focused on a particular individual.

Romantic love, or attraction—the obsessive thinking about and craving for a particular person–evolved to enable you to focus your mating energy on just one individual at a time.  As Kabir, the Indian poet put it:  “The lane of love is narrow; there is room for only one.”

Attachmentthe feeling of deep union with a long-term partner–evolved to enable you to remain with a mate at least long enough to rear a single child through infancy together as a team—although many of us remain together much longer, and enjoy the benefits of life with a partner even when there is no goal to have children.

These three brain systems–and feelings–interact in many ways to create our myriad forms of loving.

We began our studies with attraction.  Whether it’s called romantic love, obsessive love, passionate love, or infatuation, men and women of every era and every culture have been affected by this irresistible power.

The intensity of romantic love tends to last somewhere from six months to two years before turning into attachment in most relationships.  Romance is where love begins, and it seems to have the most extreme effect on human behavior.

Behavioral traits of early stage romantic love:

  • Special meaning: the romantic partner is the center of the world, and you like anything they like
  • Intense energy and it’s hard to sleep
  • Loss of appetite
  • Mood swings
  • Separation anxiety
  • Craving
  • Intense motivation for emotional union
  • Possessive
  • Intrusive thinking

Having looked at what love is; We want to look at what lust is all about.

Lust is a craving, it can take any form such as the lust for sexuality, lust for money or the lust for power. It can take such mundane forms as the lust for food as distinct from the need for food.

Lust holds a critical position in the philosophical underpinnings of Buddhist reality. It is named in the second of the Four Noble Truths, which are that

  1. Suffering (dukkha) is inherent in all life.
  2. Suffering is caused by lust.
  3. There is a natural way to eliminate all suffering from one’s life.
  4. The Noble Eightfold Path is that way.

Lust is the, attachment to, identification with, and passionate desire for certain things in existence, all of which relate to the form, sensation, perception, mentality, and consciousness that certain combinations of these things engender within us. Lust is thus the ultimate cause of general imperfection and the most immediate rootcause of a certain suffering.

The passionate desire for either non-existence or for freedom from lust is a common misunderstanding. For example, the headlong pursuit of lust (or other “deadly sin“) in order to fulfill a desire for death is followed by a reincarnation accompanied by a self-fulfilling karma, resulting in an endless wheel of life, until the right way to live, the right worldview, is somehow discovered and practiced. Beholding an endless knot puts one, symbolically, in the position of the one with the right worldview, representing that person who attains freedom from lust.

In existence are four kinds of things that engender the clinging: rituals, worldviews, pleasures, and the self. The way to eliminate lust is to learn of its unintended effects and to pursue righteousness as concerns a worldview, intention, speech, behavior, livelihood, effort, mindfulness, and concentration, in the place where lust formerly sat.

Signs To Differentiate Lust And Not Love.

If you’re currently dating someone but just can’t figure out whether you’re actually compatible or if it’s just butt loads of sexual chemistry, it can be a bloody confusing time. Matchmaker and heartbreak coach Sarah Louise Ryan explains there are six very obvious signs that’s it’s lust and not love. Here’s how to tell it’s not the real deal and save yourself a whole world of wasted time.

1. You want to know everything and all at once

If the person you’re seeing is really meant to be your next significant other – then what’s the rush? After all, all good things come to those who wait. If it’s lust, you’ll try to be all in – and fast – because you won’t be able to wait to get your next fix of those neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin (they’re what make you feel really good). If it’s love, then you’ll be far more interested in a slow-burning romance rather than blowing off some steam together.

2. You struggle to find commonality

The chemistry may seem to be bang on and will feel like friction, like it’s electric and you just can’t get enough of being in the throws of passion or talking about it. You’ll be addicted to the highs and focus any convo outside of the bedroom on how great your sex is. Yet you can’t find any other commonality, so the conversation just leads down the path to talking about your physical passion (and not much else).

3. You’ve got different outlooks on the world, but you think that’s ok

You like this person – they’re attractive, you feel comfortable in their company, and you want to hang out all the time. But the fact you both have different outlooks on the world and your lifestyles aren’t quite the same doesn’t matter, right? Nope, not a chance. For example, one of you might prefer a winter getaway to a stint in the sunshine, or maybe you both support different football teams – this is fine. What I’m talking about is getting down to the nitty-gritty of values, family orientation, your goals, ambitions, health, fitness and inevitably what you both do to make the world a better place. If you find that there isn’t any alignment and you’re not on the same page about a lot of things, then quite frankly, you’re looking at a whole lot of lust and not much else.

4. It’s not a seamless connection, but it’s exciting

Sometimes ‘getting’ each other feels a tad like swimming against a micro tide but you’re ok with that. The chemistry is there so you think that the compatibility might come in time. Well, it won’t. When you connect with someone that’s right for you, you’ll go through the stages of falling in love which of course include lust. But you will want more as you become attracted to their personality and want to attach to them and only them. Make sure you’re falling hook, line and sinker – not just sinking in lust.

5. You don’t communicate the same way

If you both seem to be constantly seeking the attention of the other, not feeling satisfied or safe in the knowledge that this is it, that it’s something set to last then it’s just lust. If it feels like clutching at straws for one or both of you, then you’re not in it to win it for love. Perhaps you find yourself feeling unsure where this is going, how the other person feels or what on earth is going on? The right person for you wants you to feel at ease because they want to feel at ease too.

6. Everything else falls by the wayside

If you’re attracted to someone and feel completely comfortable with dropping everything of significance around you, then I’m afraid to say that it’s lust and not set to be love. Things of significance can be anything from friends and family, to your hobbies, interests and work. Love comes from compatibility, and that’s based on a deep understanding between the two of you of what’s important, what keeps you ticking and the knowledge that you’re both in for a marathon, not a sex-induced sprint.

It’s tough in the early days to see what on earth is what between chemistry and compatibility, and what it is exactly that sets lust aside from love. As long as you trust your gut, stay true to your values and really know what you want in a relationship, you’ll find that only the people on the same page as you will stick around. In short, lust is for right now, and we all know that when it comes to love everything should just feel right.

 

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