Available Balance
Today I learned something that was difficult to chew
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but yesterday I was shattered for not knowing.

Earlier today I had questions answered to thing I’ve been curious about. I’ve also had answers to questions I’ve never asked. The chat I had with the one answering my questions was brief. However, I feel that the answers will forever reverberate in my heart. 

I have a new found respect for someone who I’ve always known.  It is quite sad for me to realize that there is no way for me to go to that person now and tell them how much I appreciate them.. How much I hurt for them. The person to whom I refer has passed away, and has been gone for several years.

I learned that she had to make tough decisions in life. I knew she had to make a few tough decisions, but there were some decisions in her life that I never knew about. It saddens me to think of the horror she had to go through in making the decisions she did. Or what she went through when one decision was completely out of her hands. 

Her plight in life was a horrid one. For all the horrors she faced, however, she faced them beautifully. She had her struggles, and her life was not always easy, but she did her best to “grin and bear it.” Oh how I wish I could hug her now and tell her how much I love her. 

Tell her that I am so sorry she had to go through what she did. Even if some of the results were due to her actions. Even if some of the things that happened, she could have avoided. I would hug her and tell her that I love her, and that I am sorry she had to go through those things. 

Today, my heart goes out for the people that are family to me, but to whom I never had the pleasure of knowing. My heart weeps for the missed opportunities. My heart weeps for the loss that wasn’t truly mine… 

 

?To love or not to love that is the question
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What is Love? How do you find love, or does love find you? Where does these feeling resinate from? Have you ever looked at you counter part and asked, is this who I’m suppose to be with. Some would say if you have to ask that question then maybe they’re not the one. What about all the people looking for love and has never found it. Are they suppose to be alone.  To me love is all in what your willing to deal with. Or should I say put up with. After being in a relationship for 5byears, and being cheated on, I feel like I want love to stay at bay. I don’t understand why love hurts. Its love its not suppose to hurt. I have many friends with so many reltionship problems. To listen to some of the things that goes on in these relationships its scares me to even think about love. Why don’t men/women step up and be a better person for the person they say they love. Why can’t we as all people just be happy with who we ‘re with. I don’t believe you can be in love with two persons. Just doesn’t seem natural to me. Why is love so hard to grab and keep? Some please help me understand I’m 34 and still has not touched love. And I’m a great person. Is love not meant for me. When I talk to these friends of mine the only advice I can give is from my own personal experinces. What happens if you never find love. What then. Do we go get pets to fill those voids. Do we deal with the fact that we ‘ll die alone. Or do we keep trying.  I welcome all to dive in with your thoughts. Ask your self do I truly love this person, and if not why are you with them. And how do they feel about you.

What A Wife Expects From Her Husband
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In the course of our daily lives we come across people who are married and are professionals  in different walks of life while in some cases it so happens the woman is a home maker. But all said and done  a married life  is like a bullock cart with two wheels and the two representing the two wheels in the bullock cart. If both are fine only then does the cart move ahead or else it will be stuck and is life becomes stationary. I have come across different couples in life who love each other well and shower all affection on the other partner. Each couple is unique so if each life in the relationship. Here let us see what a wife expects from her husband in life.

 

From what I have observed majority of the wives who are from different backgrounds would want attention to be showered on them. They want to be cynosure of the eyes of the husband. And try their best to draw his attention this may be wearing a new dress which makes them even more attractive, it can be doing an act something which is surely going to be appreciated by the husband and the attention is going to land on them in the end. It can be a makeup which both of them would like and would make her feel her importance when she struts around the house doing her chores. It can also be cooking a great dinner as when one has a sumptuous and contented meal then the attention gets transferred to the person who prepared it. It can also be serving a meal which is an art in itself. There are many more ways in they would like to draw the attention of their husband.

 

In the cases of some couples I have found the wives to be the person who is a home bird. The person who likes staying in the house, gardening, listening to music, reading a book, viewing movies on the cable television, chatting with the husband on a weekend, spending a happy time with the family and the husband in particular. Doing activities which both of them like so that she can get to spend more quality time with her husband and many more things similar to that.

 

In some cases I have found the wife to be the one who likes socializing wants her husband to be with her in her activities which involve meeting friends, relatives or new contacts. It can also involve making new friends in the process which would add up to their list of friends which they would like to collect and cherish the friendship which they value. The also would want to go out of town and visit relatives during weekends and would want their husband to help them in that process. If they see that help forthcoming they are the happiest people in the world. They are active the full week after the weekend.

 

In some of the husband wife relationships, I have found the wife to be wanting to have the appreciation of the husband for the things which she does for him. She wants her efforts to be acknowledged and see that they are rewarded in the form of a outing, a visit to a temple, a visit to a friends place, a visit to a tourist place which both of them would like to visit, a visit to a place where they both can spend some time together and have some peace of mind in the process from the mundane day to day activities of life. Achieving at least one of these makes her happy and  makes her feel that her efforts and work have been acknowledged.

 

In a few cases there are those wives who like precious metals and jewels and would want their husband to buy one more for them. This even though the cupboard is full of the metals. They would still want that one more which has a different make or is of a different company. If the husband buy’s one and surprises them with the same their are on cloud nine and are the happiest people on the earth. This till the time they set their eyes on the next one which is different which they can add to their collection range.

 

There are some wives who are very simple and down to earth. Though these sort of people are few. These people are happy if they are able to finish their day and finish all their activities which they would want to perform on that particular day. A little help from the husband in achieving this would give them great relief and they would enjoy the participation of the husband in household duties and would also appreciate the effort put by the husband by serving them what is best liked by the husband. This is a way of they saying thank you for the helping and lending a hand which is being appreciated this way. They want only this little help and want to spend time with their husband and nothing else in life.

 

In the case of some families I have seen the wives wanting to go out for a movie on a weekend followed by food at a hotel.  These wives like watching movies, live performances, operas and similar things and they would be very happy if her husband has got her the tickets of the first show of the first day of screening. As a surprise if it is handed over to them then they would be even more happy. They are happy in the simple things of life and the time they spend with their husband. That’s it they would want nothing more beyond that. They seem to be contented souls once they get their weekly dose of surprise from their husband.

 

I have seen at least a few couples in my life where in their case the husband happened to take good care of them while they were in the hospital. Their husbands were such that they even applied leave and spent the 24 hours dedicating to their well being and welfare.  Once they got well they were immensely happy that their partners were by their side at the time of crisis which gave them moral support and courage which they appreciate all through their lives. This act by their husbands had an lasting impact on their life. This incident also strengthened the bonds of love which existed between them and took their relationship to a totally new level. Where it was of a very mature kind.

 

These are some of the examples which I observed in my life and found out what a wife was looking for from her husband. Every couple is unique so is there life. Every one of these has their own adventures, failures, successes, happiness, sadness, sorrow, festivities, ups and down and such other things. If feel that the those who stick together are able to see through life in a better way. They respect and understand each others needs and requirements and would play ball for the same. They are more interested in giving and are also happy whatever they receive. This is a two way relationship and communication. And communication is the key to a successful marriage. They look at more places where they see agreements rather than count the number of disagreements. If you have and experiences to share please share the same in the comments will appreciate you feedback.

Having dinner together with a family
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Dinner with the closest to heart people, my family, is very important for me. It is like a tiny celebration that ends the day. We have our dinner in our dining room at a big table. At this big table we stay for about an hour and not only eat, but also communicate with each other, relax and tasting the food, we smile and discuss. Our table necessarily placed settings with flowers and candles, especially candles as I love them a lot. It is so simple – in a cozy candle light to be yourself and enjoy a home-cooked meal.

Have you noticed that in today’s world the dinner together with a whole family has become a real luxury? Explanation is simple – the lack of time, different members of the family agenda, there is nothing to talk about when you sat down at the table, dinner is better to give to the enemy, etc. And so, it comes alienation into our lives, because eating together is no longer an asset, not a tradition, not a pleasure, but the thief of time.

People better choose to eat, sitting at the computer, watching TV, reading a book in his corner, without interference by others, without communication with family members, without sharing own joys and troubles and without listening others experiences, happiness and difficulties. Diner from the great love and sharing becomes just dining for own needs. The body is filled with food, but the soul remains hungry.

I read somewhere that exactly the sharing of food and eating together tamed the primitive savage man. Dinner with the most beloved can become for you the best time to talk with them, to express how you missed them through the long day. It may be the best time to talk with your children, to ask how they spent a day, what the problems they have and so on. Don’t ignore a dinner together with a family.

 

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Relationship: I Love You in Good Times!!!
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Some people cannot understand why loving someone is difficult. Loving someone should be a beautiful experience and there are no boundaries within the relationship. An ideal relationship is being with someone in good or bad times. It shouldn’t be in either way of a relationship. In a married life, it is always insinuated in vows that both couples will remain together through thick and thin.

“How can the relationship will work if someone will set boundaries?” In the worst case, some individuals will ask their partner to stop whining about personal issues or concerns. This kind of person will be happy only in good times and doesn’t want to deal with troubles in life. In bad times, this person will ignore his or her partner. That’s a bad sign that this lover will never be with someone for long. The relationship will end sooner or later.

If a person stays in a relationship in good times, then it is not loving. They ignore or even feel insensitive to the welfare of their partners in life. It can never build a good foundation for having a long lasting relationship. Some married couple falls apart because of such insensitivity. A typical self-centered persona, a person who is so afraid of responsibility.

This kind of relationship happens in real life. It cannot be denied by some people who are being battered by their partners. They cannot break free because of emotional torture. At some point, they don’t have the courage to cut the relationship. It shouldn’t be ignored by some concern people. If it is possible to intervene, then they need to do it.  That’s the best thing to do than letting this person be living in misery. Loving someone shouldn’t be in limitations. If they do this, then how can a person grow in the relationship. It is best to find ways to make it grow and be together in good or bad times.

Image Credit: pixabay.com

 

 

Avoiding Crazy People On line
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it doesn’t take long for you to get in the radar of some kind of Evangelist.   These could be Christian or Atheist. But they are anxious to shove their opinions down your throat.

In Real Life, these people avoid me.   As soon as they see me, they realise I’m not their ‘type’ and usually keep going.   Once every other blue moon there will be some whack job who I will be impelled to insult,  in the nicest way.  Most times,  they keep moving.

In Cyberspace, where they can’t see me,  they can only assume I’m one of them   That I am as brainless and gullible as they are.

I don’t argue with these people as there is no sense in arguing with an idiot.   That is because  the longer you go on with it, the more difficult it is to know which one is the idiot.

Secondly, these people have no change to change.   Their minds are sealed.  If somehow they believe this road leads to to town, they will follow it.   No matter how many times you warn them, they don’t listen.  They will keep walking until they come to the edge of a mountain.  They might even keep going.

Thirdly, they are obsessed. Stay away from obsessed people.

When a person is obsessed their brain has been shut off and they are operating on coast. They need psychiatric assistance.

I’ll give you an example.

On a site, a gal calling herself ‘Rabbit’,  was madly in love with an actor.  He was not even an A list actor but some guy who was a co co star in a long forgotten show.

She joined one of those fan sites devoted to him.  She posted until her fingers bled.  Anyone on that site who said anything unfavourable about her beloved actor was subject to her attack.

She began to send malware to the members,  hack into their accounts, on and on, breaking the law. Just because someone wrote something about an actor she was obsessed with.  She worshiped him.

If that is how far a person can go when dealing with some actor, think of how far another will go when dealing with a religious figure?

If you ever become a victim of these kinds of attacks, don’t argue, block them.

Recycling of Maids in Nigeria
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Maids! Maids! Maids! Are they really here to stay or here to ruin you? I often wonder why these maids or a particular maid cannot live with his/her employer for up to 5 years. That was the case when we were kids. We had maids who lived with us for decades that we even called them aunties/uncles.

While growing up, I never saw my mum change maids as often as my kids have seen me do in recent years. Maids in the past stayed longer with their employers and most times were given out in marriage whilst still serving them. To this day, I still have fond memories of such aunties as they were often called. They served whole-heartedly and were fully dedicated and trustworthy.

In recent years, no child can attest to having had a maid who had stayed above one year. it has become a new norm in our generation as they simply pass through and move on. They are not willing to serve one master for too long due to their incessant love for more money and less work.

This has certainly generated an increase in what we call Recycling of maids, they just keep hoping from one home to another. This menace is what has led to customers being unsatisfied with maids. And in a system where we do not check our maids thoroughly through back ground checks, there will be an increase in robbery and theft, kidnap, death.  Maids no longer care, they get away with a lot of unsolved cases and now look for their next prey or target.

I believe with a good system on ground to thoroughly check maids, it will curb recycling. A picture is always what taking when newly employed, background checks with family or guardian, signatures, guarantors etc. There are countless situations where you may want to know more about someone, your friend, neigbour or family member is dealing with. Background checks are no longer for big organizations, but also for individuals.

Maids are no longer there to make a living by working hard, but they have deviced a way of making a living by stealing from employers to get rich quick. Once not caught, they move to another employer and start a new life claiming their previous worker relocated. This has been one of the greatest and most used lie from maids in my country. Also, you should also be weary when a maid comes up with a funny name like Grace Sunday, Hope Daniel. Most Nigerian maids from home must always have a native name, e.g Grace Akpabio, Offiong Sunday etc  I have experienced this first hand, so it’s best to get the message across.

I encourage most employers to please take time out to do a thorough background search.  Ask around with a picture at hand, if friends, neighbours, family members and colleagues have come across such a person. To be warned is to be forearmed.

Little Things They May Be, But They Can Give Happiness
March 22, 2017
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When I was in my parents’ house sometime ago, my sister gave me a red t-shirt as her gift to me from their visit in HongKong. It has the words I Love HK, with love in the form of a big heart.

I don’t actually like the color red for my shirts and clothes. It seems it doesn’t suit my skin, even if my sisters say that it makes me fairer.

When I fit it, it was so nice and suits me well.

Then, my mother came out of their room and saw me fitting it. She was mumbling something of which I can’t understand. So I asked my sister what was it she was mumbling because she’s nearer to her when she passed by.

And she told me that, she said that she likes the t-shirt for herself, not the lime green one, that my sister gave her with the same design. However, she said it’s what she gave here because she thought red won’t become on her since my mother is dark skinned from too much gardening.

So, I asked my mother if she liked my red t-shirt instead, for her. And she readily said yes, so I gave it to her.

And I was so happy too to get her lime green t-shirt instead. What a nice exchange ! But I would be very willing to give to her the red t-shirt even if there’s nothing in return.

And this also goes with my father.

The other Saturday, when I went to visit my parents in our hometown, they gave me a cucumber –melon body lotion. It was actually from one of my former high school batchmates who I was close with when we were in high school .

A friend from that hometown, brought it with her when she came from Canada to attend the wedding of a niece there and gave it to my parents so they can give to me when I go there to visit.

I tried the lotion on my hands, when I was at the receiving room with my diabetic father in his wheelchair, watching TV.

He turned to look at me when he smelled the delicious smell of the lotion. I let him try it on his arms and hands. He said he liked the smell so much.

Hearing that, I told him he can have it. He was so happy to receive it.

I have to send a message of thanks to my friend at FB and apologized that I have to give it to my father because he super liked it.

She was so happy knowing that and told me that she will be bringing me some more, for me and my father, when she will be coming home to attend our Alumni Homecoming on May.

At this point in time for my parents, I would be too happy to give to them whatever they like as long as I can afford it.

I know that most of us feel the same way to our parents.

Education And Parents Expectations From Children
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This is a topic which needs to be discussed in detail at different fora in today’s life and times. When parents try to raise a child especially in our country they have many expectations from them and sometimes these expectations can go overboard. What are the expectations which one can say are going overboard? Well let us discuss  some of them below case by case as each issue is unique so is each child and parent so we do not have straight jacket problems and solutions for these.

 

When the child is young and is just going to Lower Kindergarten, Upper Kindergarten or in the first class the parents will provide what all is required for the child but they start putting pressure on the child telling him or her that they have to get an A or A+ grade as that is what is good for one in life. So this thought that something below that means life is a waste and does not have any value is being drilled into the mind of the child. While very few are able to cope up with the pressure and rise to the occasion, there are a large chunk of children who would genuinely want to achieve those grades but are unable to do so due to one reason or the other. At this the parents put down the child and tell him or her that they are good for nothing. This has a very negative influence on the child and her or she grows up with low self esteem which affects them for the whole of their lives.

 

Once the child grows and is somewhere between classes 4 to 10. The child is usually compared with the class topper and told ‘Look at him, how well he is performing’ whereas you useless fellow you eat, play, go to school, have fun, attend birthday parties, but when it comes to studies, what happens to you? Where does that enthusiasm go  and why does it not reflect in your results? What is the point of spending so much money on you and you not delivering results. It is better you sit at home and not go to school and waste money. When this is repeated again and again when every time results come, it has a very bad influence on the child’s psyche and he or she would tend to be depressed, angry, emotional or withdrawn from people which does not help the child or the parents. Who are totally unaware of what harm they are causing to the child.

 

Parents often have some unfulfilled wish like not being able to learn music or sport or any such activity when they were a child and would want the child to turn their dream into a reality. Obviously the child would genuinely want to see their parent happy and would agree for the same for their sake as he wants to try and the second this is he does not want to hurt the parents, who mean everything to them in their life. When the practice starts and the child for is unable to perform as he or she is not having aptitude for what the parent wants even though he or she wants to try. The child keeps trying its best and finally even after a long time. Things are not working out for obvious reasons the concerned parent gets annoyed and scolds the child and tell them, ‘I had faith in you capabilities and you had it in you to accomplish the same if you tried but you have let me down’. These words pierce the child’s heart and create untold damage to the personality of the child. Which the child will find very difficult to come out of.

 

In some households the financial situation of the family will not be too good for some genuine reason which is unforeseen. At that time the child who would now be a young adult would be told to go and work as there is no choice as there are too many people to be fed in the family. The youth will be forced to go out for work discontinuing his studies. This has such an effect that this leaves a permanent scar on the mind of the child. The child cannot tell anything as he knows the situation in the family and knows the family will starve if money does not come and he is the only hope. As he is not fully qualified and experienced, he does not get a decent job in the market which he would have been aspiring for. He would still want to study but the money he earns is insufficient to feed the family. So he ends up sacrificing the career he aspired to be by the side of the family. But the money would not suffice and the main member in the house would put more pressure on him to work for more hours as the house needs more money to run. Such pressure on youth has its own problems. It is like ones life going off track and life ends up to be a hand to mouth existence and all aspirations are extinguished in the fire of the present circumstances.

 

There are some other parents who will treat the child with kid gloves till he in class 5. The moment he or she reaches class six they will suddenly start treating the child as an adult, they will tell the child that he or she has grown up and should behave accordingly. While the child is confused as to what happened in one year which made him an adult. He will be dumped with more responsibilities in school as the portion increases and he will also be given more house work for which he or she is totally unprepared as no counselling or prior information has been given as to why such a thing is being done by the parents. If the parents inform the child this from a year before and prepare him for facing the situation it will be a better scenario both for the child and the parent too. They can always tell that the portion has increased so he should buck up too and he should be doing more things independently as this is the chance to learn. If the child is helped, counselled and guided things will work out better.

 

A few other  parents  will keep neglecting the child’s education till he reaches class 6 and they see that the child is failing in many subjects regularly in school. This is because the child has not taught things as it has to be done since childhood. So there is no foundation for education and the starts stumbling due to this. Then these parents run in desperation to the best tutors possible for additional and would want to pay good money and expect instant results for their child. This is easier said than don as the child needs time to understand the concepts and lots of time has been wasted in previous years due to neglect. They now pressurize the tutors to do a good job as they are paying well. The parents fail to realize that teaching or imparting education is not the same as withdrawing cash from an ATM which can be done in a jiffy.

 

Once the child finishes classes 10 many parents have this fancy. They would want their child to be either an engineer or a doctor. They do this as if other professions are useless and the child will have no worth if he does not go to these fields. The reason is that they can tell their son is an engineer or a doctor and they feel that their status in society will improve. While both these subjects are very good these parents are not telling the child to study the subject for that reason but for the purpose of using the child to reach up the so called ladder in society. They are least bothered whether the child is interested in those subjects or not. And for this they spend lakhs and even crores of rupees for donation. Then they pressurize the child to score well which the child find it difficult and this results in unfortunate and unforeseen consequences for the family. Which they keep regretting all through their life.

 

The other place at which parents have high expectations from their children is when it comes to the child’s marriage which they have to perform. Such parents are least bothered whether the child likes the bride or not or vice versa. Their happiness lies in the fact that they feel in their opinion. They have found the best bride in town for their child. They fail to understand that their child has now grown up and can make his or her own decisions about whom to marry and whom not to. While they do it they never care to ask them about their preference likes or dislikes. Or whether they have anyone else in their mind. This proves costly for the marriage and the couple.

 

While there are some parents who are exception to the above rule, majority of them are as mentioned above. While parents mean well for their child it is better if they also ask the child his or her options before deciding anything for them. If they help the child take decisions, the child will grow into a strong personality and will be successful in different spheres of life which every parent would certainly want.

What features you need for the cohesive family?
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Although one-third of marriages end in divorce, many people still like to live in marriage. Probably people that choose family life are not wrong, because they seem to be happier than loners. Maybe common life’s project would be even more successful if the lovers were aware in advance that not all couples chances to become happy family are equal.

Typically, the average statistical girl hopes to marry a guy about few years older, a few or dozen centimeters higher, similar education, working and earning good. The man is expected having not only a higher intelligence, but also significant material contribution in providing family.

Elucidating the husband and wife coherence properties there is grappling two opinions. There are those who believe that the people best suited for the pair are those which own properties complement each other. So, obvious that authority wife needs an obedient husband. It is equally prevalent the attitudes that it is much easier to find common language for the similar people.  So, tending to lead woman should marry the commanding man.

Because about the men and women we learn more and more, today we can combine both approaches and quite easy say exactly with what the couple’s features lead to break up, and what features complement each other.

Many seek to link their lives with the same marital status of the person. Divorced more often marry divorced. Studies have proven if the marriage for one of the spouses is the second, and for the another one – first, divorce is more likely. There are religious communities forbidding their members to marry someone of another faith. Even weak believers prefer the same or close to their faith’s person. There are more divorces between ethnically mixed families.

The same political views bring people together, but for the creation of a family are not very important. The preferred option: a man has strong political views; the wife leniently looks at it.

Despite feministic agitation for full gender equality, the majority of women would like to see that the man earn as much as could fully support the maintenance of the family. It seems, men also like this role.

It is believed that family with children is more satisfied with their marriages than those who have not children. However, there is no evidence of research. However, couples that are growing children divorce more rarely than without children.

Examine the intelligence of man, and you can quite accurately determine the intelligence of his woman because intelligent man usually marries intelligent woman, and a man whose intelligence quotient is average, prefers moderate intellectual woman. The most favorable option is similar intelligence. If a man is much smarter, he will be happy with the marriage, but the man himself – no. If woman is smarter than a man, she will also be unhappy, but her man not even notices it and will be glad.

Satisfaction with marriage is higher for those couples whose husband believes that his wife is more temperamental than he is. Even better, if man is convinced that wife experiences more fun. The wife also has to believe that the man more than she wants to proximity and to think that gives him more pleasure than she gets herself. Such altruistic sexual illusion is the best foundation for a strong marriage.

Somewhere I have read that it is easy to calculate the future of the family fortune. More than three-quarters of the couples life obeys a simple rule. Just imagine what the scores you assess the family life’s happiness of each spouses parents, these scores put together and divide by two. This will be a new family’s happiness or forecast of disagreements.