Available Balance
Couples Preparation For Having Children 2
Ekechukwu Samuel August 2014 142

Children make marriages to be sweet!

Children make marriages to be sweet!


COUPLE DID YOU CHECK YOUR LINEAGE RELATIONSHIPS
BEFORE ENGAGING FOR MARRIAGE?
Many couples get married without checking thoroughly whether they are permitted by the rules of nature and local legal traditions before they marry their spouses.For example,in some communities,a man cannot marry his blood relation as a wife.The violation of this order is called incest.
The dictionary meaning of incest is,”sexual intecourse between persons too closely related to marry legally.”In some communities,it is an abomination with attached curses for a man to marry the daughter of his father.Cousins cannot marry nieces,a man cannot marry the same sister of his wife,a woman should not marry her uncle,a woman may not marry her daughter’s husband,even if her daughter is dead.There are many people who do not ask of these incestous relationships before marriage.
For instance,a couple can meet overseas or even within their nation,during their educational or business pursuits and get married.It is necessarily imperative for couples and their parents to find out foundational details before dabbling into marriage.This is bacause,those communities who placed curses against incest do not reveal it if not asked by parties in a marriage.It is very good for couples to do a good survey on this before engaging in marital relationship.Disregarding this can bring troubles of childlessness as the marriage becomes older.
Really,the curse of incest can be a hinderance to procreation,especially for couple looking for male or female children. Our world of today is in a hurry.We are in a hurry to get married.We are also in a hurry to do many things,But sometimes we may not be in a hurry to have children.
Many men and women decieve themselves with false belief and false faith.Some men and women in order to cover the shame of incest quote,” There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit”(Romans 8:1).I remind the reader that any erroneous quotation from the bible leads to self deception. The word of God is straightly applied and not manipulated. The same God who said men should not marry their sisters and mothers also said that commiting adultery and incest is an abomination.

Couples Preparation For Having Children 1
Ekechukwu Samuel August 2014 141

Children give joy to the couple in Marital Relationship

Children give joy to the couple in Marital Relationship


To have children,there are issues that need to be settled before the trauma of not having children begins. Some issues are best settled before Marriage is consumated.
1. Couple,Have You Gone To See A Good Doctor Together?.
Intending couples are adviced to check themselves together in a recognised hospital before “tying the nuptial nuts”.I mean “together” because some spouses enter marriage with self deception which results in suffering of the other spouse later,when the marriage has been fully contracted.
At this point the genotype,blood group and reproductive status of of the would-be husband and would- be -wife should be ascertained through tests and examinations.It is good to go for tests of seminal viability,seminal count,Culture and sensitivity of the semen for the male,and falopian tube , womb assessment,Culture and Sensitivity of the female reproductive system .
This will unravel whether any of them have diseases to be treated with love or withdrawal can take place if the condition cannot be tolerated.This is because,many couples dabble into marriages not knowing the medical status of their partners.Thanks to many churches and pastors who advice couple to do medical tests and checks during marriage counseling classes,before getting married in the church.
This issue is very important because it is one that can lead to divorce,seperation and polygamy as the relationship gets older without children in the marriage.This is when the truth about couples’ status are hidden before marriage proper.Nowadays” love is no more blind”. Marriage is no longer” an envelope of uncertainty”. People go for what they want.Any hidden deception can lead to disappointment,divorce and breakage of the relationship.
Remember that” it takes two to tango”.No man can produce a child without his wife and no woman without her husband.The couple should be medically checked.Tests should be carried out on the couple together to ascertain their viability for procreation.

Children are Gifts From God!
Ekechukwu June 2014 014
Children are Gifts from God!

Children are Gifts from God!

Who are children? The Bible has the answer to the above mentioned question. The origin of children is first mentioned followed by whom they are.
Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.(PSALM 127:3)
According to the Collins Pocket Dictionary for schools, the meaning of heritage is “something handed down from one’s ancestors or the past, as a characteristic, a tradition etc”. Heritage also means “property that can be inherited”.
According to Psalm 127:3,It means that children are human beings handed down from God to men and women whom he commissioned to be parents to them. The origin of children is God. It is God that gives and releases children. Children are not fabricated in the factory. They are not made in the chemistry laboratory.
The children are replicas of their parents. They possess the characteristic qualities of their parents. They are the future hope of the human race in a broad sense. They are the continuation after their parents. It is a tradition that God gives children. The tradition is that children come from the relationship between men and women. The conjugal relationship okayed by God makes it possible for children to be born into the world. Men and women get children graciously from God. That means that they do not work before they get them.

Who Are Children? : Children are the plural form of a child. A child means “an infant”, “an unborn offspring”, “a boy or girl before puberty”, “a son or a daughter”, and ”a descendant”.
The Bible on the above quoted verse opines that God gives Children. This is a fact because no one can create children except God .Children are God’s prerogative.
Many marriages are bitter,sorrowful and sour as a result of “not having children”.Some couples say”even one child”we are okay!The reason is that a couple without children lament about their future continuation.It is necessary to have children for relationship and pleasure.May God grant children to all who are desperately in need of having them.Amen.
The worrisome aspect comes from couples who accuse each other of being responsible for the ill –luck!.In addition,inlaws and friends of the couple in the relationship add to the trauma by attaching the misfortune to one of the couples

Doing one thing at a Time
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I have found out that doing one thing at a time, can be easy way to get rid of stress. We have lot of things to worry about in our life. And we assume that by doing so many things we are being busy. In reality nobody is that busy and just have to handle one thing at a time. That being said, doing too many things in short time leads to burn out. I have not seen many people doing the multi tasking easily. Most of the people who pretend to do the multi tasking end up having issues with the life. And they often have issues with health and mind. In this article I am going to discuss why multi tasking is not something one should focus on for better life.

Single Task

Some of the tasks are simple in this world. And they are easily done with other tasks. But doing one task at a time. It can help you get better focus on things. And you do things effectively. And you’d end up in much better way. You’d find that single tasking always helps you set the focus straight on the outcome. Because single tasks are not easy. You just have to focus on it better. That way your understanding of the tasks is lot easier. Single tasks at a time is always better choice for some of the complex tasks. Because you end up saving time if you distribute the task across multiple people.

Perfection

Single task at a time gives you some perfection over the tasks. You’d find that perfection with multi tasking is lot harder. And people can’t do that easily. instead they just focus on tasks as if doing them were to be so easy. But with multi tasking is not that easy. You have to work harder and focus on stuff. You can’t have the perfection all the time. But doing the single task does get you closer to perfection. It is lot better than the multi tasking and doing things for the sake of it. This way you can learn about how to get things done effectively. I have found that perfection is harder in that context.

Limited Time

You have to understand one important thing in life. We all have very limited time in this world. You have to decide which is the best use of your time. You just have to make sure that time that you are spending is in right way. It can be fun to see how the limited amount of time understanding can make us work wonder. And this is something that happens to all of us. We just have to make use of the limited use of the time. You can see that limited time is not something we can change. We just have to deal with it. We have to work with our limited time and make the best of life we can.

As you can see perfection with multi tasking is not easy. You have to let the life work one tick at a time. And that’s how things are going to solve.

Image by pixabay.

Making Things Harder in Life
Coconut Tree  from Pixabay

When we are in bad phase of our life, it’s hard to find out the cause of things happening around. You don’t know why you are earning less. You don’t know bad reasons behind relationships falling. And you don’t know what could be the reason in family for something going the wrong way. You can see that making things harder this way does affect the life. I have found that life does not go in a linear way. And there are always going to be random things that may continue to happen. You have no control over how they happen. So it’s kind of hard to decide and understand how to react on that. In this article, you have to find out how the life can be turned hard if you don’t pay attention to small things.

Getting in our Own Way

We do things in such way that we get in our own way. We have issues where we have no control over things. And we assume that we are not functioning as per our own requirements. And this leads to we making choices to protect ourselves in future. So in short we are getting in our own way. You have to understand that getting in our own way is not something one can do. You have to understand that sometimes you have to take a risk. You have to stop protecting yourself. You have to understand what things can do and can’t do for you.

Repeating Struggle

With time our ability to struggle can low down as well. And we have to understand that repeating the struggles is in no way going to be good for you. You have to see if you are really struggling or you are not struggling at all. You have to avoid doing the struggles of yesterday. Just because you had bad yesterday does not mean you will have bad day here again. You have to stop struggling and instead focusing on small ray of hope. And you have to find your way around through that. If you can do that successfully then surely you can get our of those bad days and struggles.

Uncertainty

Life is going to be uncertain and there is nothing we can do about it. But we can plan some of the small steps and then decide where from here we can go ahead. So the uncertain things in life are going to be making changes. Uncertain things can be kept in under control. You have to understand the fact that some of the people always remain unplanned and unfocused and they don’t get much ahead in life. But they are going to be less stressed too. So you have to learn one thing from them. That some of the time you have to let go when things don’t work out in your way. And then move ahead with what you can do about it.

We make things harder. Not all the time we have control over things. Life just gets in the way. It can be that bad.

Image by pixabay.

Little Things a Couple Should Understand About Their Partner and Their Friends
March 29, 2017
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Some issues in marriage include the circle of friends their partners belong to.  It is very important for each party to understand each other especially when they were with friends.  Here are my own insights.

A wife to her husband and his friends:

A wife should understand that there is a certain bond between her husband and his friends which is so much different from the friendship established between her and him.  There is a time when your husband would need some space and look for his friends.  They go out doing the usual things they do.   Remember that they came in first before you.

In some cases, let’s say you became friends before he actually met his friends.  Well, in this case, just understand that a wife is most special than friends and that as you have seen each other everyday he would sometimes feel to want for another company.  There are times that husbands want to escape home and sometimes their nagging wives.  Lol!  But that doesn’t mean that when a man leaves home and go out with friends, he hates being with his wife.  Some wives would think their husband goes out with friends for fun and that the husband have no plans in life, etc.,  but beyond their knowledge, friends are his most trusted persons aside from his wife.  They were the ones he could share his plans with and friends share more helpful ideas.

A husband to his wife and her friends:

Husbands should understand that wives always have a tough day at home with kids.  They need time to unwind and be with her friends.  If she’s the one working, it is important for her to socialize and meet people.  This could help her gain more confidence and enhance public relation skills.  But most wives just choose to invite friends at home, so, not a problem at all as she could stay with both family and friends.  Or if she visits a friend, at least they are inside the house and not somewhere else.

Friends are important in both sides.  The bond and friendship you have with your partner is different from what your partner and his/her friends have.  Friends are different from the one you chose to marry so no need to get jealous.  You are both important in different ways.  Only both should understand and trust each other but should not take advantage of the trust being given to you by your partner.

 

photo credits to pixabay

How to Talk so Everyone Will Listen
'They say she's very loud mouthed but she's always very quiet when she comes in here!''They say she's very loud mouthed but she's always very quiet when she comes in here!'

Everyone struggled in the face of rejection and disapproved looks. And it’s probably the most common thing we are all aware of – rejection.

The voice is a powerful tool that can wage war and at times say the nicest things in the world like “I love You”. Yet we all know too well how difficult it is to be heard let alone to listen.

According to Paul Tillich, the “…first duty of love is to listen”. Does that mean that we do not love or like a person when we reject them or don’t they like us or love us in return when they reject us?

Not necessarily so.

But have you ever noticed that when you are interested to know a person or individual, their word is everything? You want to learn more about them and you want to know more as much as you can. You say things like: “Tell me more”, “What else”, “tell me something else”, “what do you think”, “What do you have in mind” and etc. The eagerness to learn from that individual is so powerful that we compliment them even without saying it directly. On the other hand, when you are not interested your brain automatically shuts down and say things so you can abruptly interrupt the person speaking.

So it is just a case of liking and not liking someone?

To be honest, your presence and charisma have little to do with what you say. Although there’s a percentage that the first impression of people about you will last, people will still try to know who you are.

Let’s try to put into context the things that influence people to listen or to not listen.

  • Judgment
  • Prejudice
  • Pride
  • Negativity
  • Discontentment (Complaining)
  • Excuses or too many justifications
  • Exaggeration
  • Discrimination

We all have these inside us because we are honed in a society full of negativity. We see things differently and we perceive each thing in a way that will suit us without too much thought whether it suits everyone else.

So how will we make sure that our voices are heard?

We have to keep in mind that whenever we speak we are not talking to people of logic but people of emotions. Just because you the limelight doesn’t mean you can say whatever you want. You have the limelight because you are given the opportunity to influence, to change someone’s mind, to initiate change or to touch lives. You are in that position and it is a very vulnerable position. Anyone from the crowd can oppose you, can reject your idea, tell you that you’re wrong, or simply walk away.

But this doesn’t have to be the case.

There are actually several ways on how you can deliver yourself in a manner that people would want to listen to no matter who you are and regardless of your status. These steps can serve as your foundation for your voice to be heard.

Be yourself (Authenticity) 

Other people may judge you just for being who you are but they will do more so if they know you’re pretending to be someone else you’re not. Often times, when we are given a chance to speak our minds, we put on a mask because we are afraid that our ideas may not be as good.

To be oneself is an art.

It takes a lot of practice to carry yourself in the manner that you know and is familiar with without any false pretenses.

Be truthful to yourself, your words, and your thoughts 

Lies and deception is a huge turn-off. Refrain from lying to others and to yourself. It doesn’t that much to be honest just plain humility will do. Fabricating your words and your stories will not do you any good. It will simply cause people to mistrust your words even at times you are telling the truth.

It is often said and it is true that building your reputation can take many years but you only need a few seconds to ruin it all. The same thing goes when you lie. You may hide the truth now but it will eventually surface and you will be found out.

Be your word (Integrity)

They say that integrity is what you do when no one is looking. And if you need to be your word it means that you “walk the talk”. A preacher, for example, will not be as effective if people know that he is not his word or a politician will not be able to influence his followers if they know that he is not his word and so on.

If you want people to listen, you need to have integrity.

Be kind enough to wish people well (Love) 

If in the end, people still choose to reject you wish them well. You can only do so much through your words and some people can take a long time to be convinced. What matters is that you have been honest enough to show them who you are.

There are plenty of other ways on how to talk so people will listen but it all boils down to these four things. It doesn’t matter how strong or how loud your voice is, how powerful or influential you are, or how rich and famous, if you are not honest or truthful then everything will simply go down the drain when you speak.

 

 

 

It feels Bad that When Your Speculation Comes out True
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I have this realization recently about my speculations. I have lived enough life where I have learned that it feels bad when our speculation turns out to be true. And it’s not because we wanted some things to happen. It’s just that we are helpless the way things are going on in our life. We can’t control everything in our life. And that is what makes it harder for us to come in terms with. So you have to understand when to speculate and when to take action on the speculations that you have. I am not sure if all of us have had those days where we thought something good was going to happened and it did. But often that does not happen. Instead we thought and calculated about something bad. And as we known bad things happened. So in this article I want to discuss about the speculation part of why it feels bad.

I have this incident happened where I realized something that I thought of something like this long time ago. And I wanted to take control of the situation. But lack of money didn’t made it easier for me to control my life. And in turn I ended up getting controlled. So it was kind of hard for me to get over the situation. And that situation ended up making me take more actions which lead to more of problems. So I can tell you from my experience that speculation some of the time can come true. At first I did not thought it would go that way. And that’s where my speculation was wrong.

Speculation often can be misleading and I totally understand that part. It’s not like I can ignore that. I have realized that most of the time when you work hard enough, you speculate more. And that speculation in itself can end up costing you a lot. So you have to focus on things that can be good for you. And you have to decide where you stand when it comes to taking action agianst the speculation. I have learned that some of the time our calculation is going to be so wrong. And there is no way to recover from that. It just makes you worry about things more as well. I am not sure how that can be cured.

Cause and effect is another thing that we are not understanding. For example, we don’t have process to deal with the speculation. And that is what makes you work hard towards life. And then things happen where you have speculated those wrong scenarios. And you just work harder on that to get over it. But that does not work good for you. And you keep working harder to understand what are some of the things that can be changed. As you can see this spiral is going to be difficult to manage. And those who try to manage it will have a hard time. It;s not something that can be handled by all.

In short such problems are hard to deal with.

Image by pixabay.

How do you keep your marriage strong and loving
March 28, 2017
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marriage

HOW DO YOU KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE STRONG AND LOVING

This is the continuation of my article entitled “When does the loving stops?”

For me these are the phases of a relationship:

  1. Courtship – Love starts to build up;
  2. Boyfriend – Girlfriend Phase – Love is heating up;
  3. Engagement – The ember of love is glowing; and
  4. Marriage – The longest Phase of a relationship

In marriage, there are also stages to encounter:

  1. Freedom of being a couple (before having children);
  2. Life as a family (after having children);
  3. Keeping the ember glow;
  4. Proving your self-worth, for both partners; and
  5. Thankful for surviving.

FREEDOM OF BEING A COUPLE

You are still giddy with the new found togetherness. You want to spend each day together, if possible. Eat out and travel to places with your other half. Dream of dreams most married couples do.

Acquire things for your temporary abode for a merrier and happy surroundings.

Plan for your lifelong of blissful togetherness. How many children you will have? Where will you make your roots?

LIFE AS A FAMILY

Finally, after eating out to all the restaurants and travelling to places you want to visit, comes the kids.

Your life now changes. Sleepless nights of taking care of your newborn. Buying less for the usual groceries, replacing it with things for the baby. You now have to learn the Basic Baby 101.

But this is rewarded with the smile, the sound, the laughter that your baby makes. Just the sight of those cute eyes, chubby arms and legs, makes you proud of being a parents.

KEEPING THE EMBER GLOW

With the coming of the baby, sometimes you take for granted the things that made you happy before the coming of this adorable creature.

To keep that ember glow, you have to inject a little ‘couple time’ in your life. Invent things or situations that you think will make your partner see how lucky you have each other. It is an effort worthy of your partner’s love.

PROVING YOUR SELF-WORTH

Sometimes this is where the relationship goes astray. Each partner may feel that their self-worth had diminish a little.

The lady partner may feel that she is getting fatter and not getting any younger. She may resort to attention seeking ways. Not necessarily seeking the attention of the opposite sex, but beautifying oneself, buying things that may boost her ego.

The male partner, on the other hand, also felt that his macho image had lessen. Maybe due to thinning hair or bigger belly. I think, men, sometimes, are vainer than women.

Men, sometimes, resort to seeking attention from other women, besides his wife just to prove that he still is the macho man he once has been.

THANKFUL FOR SURVIVING

After all that has been said and done, congratulate yourselves if you have survived this phase. It is not a mean feat to undergo a marriage, whether it was a good or a bad one.

Lucky is a wife that has a husband that loves her so much despite the change in her appearance from the time they met. Lucky also is a husband who has a wife that loves him unconditionally, despite his shortcomings.

A couple is united for a reason. What God has united, let no one separate.

 

How well do you know your child?
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How well we know our child? As parents, we sometimes are so busy taking care of our children that we lose track some of the details of their lives. Understanding our child is one of the most important tasks for us as parents. But it is not always easy to us . We should bear in our mind that our children have unique personalities trait that re main consistent throughout life.

How could we know them? The answer is, by observing. Yes, this is the only way we could know our child in details. At first, we should something about our child like…

  • What is your child’s favorite food?
  • what is his/her favorite sport?
  • who is his/her best friend?
  • What is his/her favorite thing to do after study?
  • How he/she react in front of unknown person?
  • which is his/her favorite gadget?
  • How he/she behave with your pet?
  • what does your child do that he/she is proud of?
  • does he/she enjoy staying home?

There are many more things to notice about our children. You may not know everything of your child but you have to continue tour trying.

As much as possible have to talk to them as you can gain much information about them.

Touch your child as much as possible because the little one require less verbal language and more body language in order to understand their feelings.

Listen to your child, as much as you listen him/her, the more your child trust you and truly want to share things with you.

Some children don’t develop social skills as others. Social skills are an integral part of functioning in society. Good manners, communication efficiency with others being considerate of the feelings of others and expressing personal needs are all important components of solid social skills that prepare your children fora lifetime of healthier interactions in all aspects of life.

  • Teach your child techniques like deep breathe to avoid confusion, anxiety or frustration.
  • While you don’t want to give your child the impression that they are always right, you should show that you care how your child feel. Don’t dismiss his/ her feelings. Help your baby relate those feelings to how others might feel!
  • Encourage your baby to make friends. This is one of the early milestones to socialize your child.
  • Your child naturally push the boundaries but if you set firm limits and give explanations for those limits, your baby will begin to respect rules.
  • create a safe and friendly atmosphere for your child, that you baby never feel afraid of strict-home. It helps you to predict your child’s day and keep your baby away from being confused.
  • Help you child to explore his/her world. Give positive feedback to amplify their skills.
  • Teach your child self advocacy. wherever in the classroom, at home, on the playground or anywhere he/she will need to voice their wants and opinions.

A positive parent-child relationship provides the framework and support for a child to develop a healthy respect and regard for self and for others.