We were having one of those easy chats, and something came up. Friendship.
There are those who make friends and keep them until death. People who will have their friends all their lives. Sometimes they are more active, going out, visiting, and sometimes less, such as when one moves away. But they keep their friends ‘forever’.
Then there are those who change their friends like you change your jeans. Last week this one, next week that one, and today they are walking around with some stranger who they met on Sunday and will be best friends with until Saturday.
When people can hold their friends there is an ability to ‘bond’. Bonding is important. If one has difficulty in bonding they will have a lot of trouble in getting married, in taking care of their children, in being reliable.
A lot of people can not bond. For some reason they don’t like to get too close to anyone or let anyone that close to them.
They may be the typical ‘loner’ but some seem to be very social. They seem to have armies of friends. But they don’t. Everyone is replaceable. People don’t like being replaceable.
If you think Karen is your friend and then you see her with other people and she waves you off, that ends the friendship. If you think Damien is your friend and he doesn’t invite you to his party, well, that ends the friendship. Clearly these people never saw you as a friend, just an acquaintance.
But there are those who only have acquaintances.
Those who do not differentiate between those they meet at the supermarket, those they live next door to, those they see every Wednesday night. Everyone is in one big mix marked ‘friend’ and no one really matters.
People pick this up.
Sure, if a guy has money he is willing to spend, lots of people will smile and play his friend, and it doesn’t matter to them if he remembers their name, just as long as he picks up the tab.
Sure, if a guy is some famous person who can gain them entry to all sorts of amazing places, they don’t mind to be lumped into the gang.
But when it comes to friendship, where someone can bond and become a real friend, and learns that the other person can not, the friendship is packed away and acquaintanceship is elected.
If most of your friends are people you’ve known ‘forever’ then you can make friends. If everyone who is your friend today was unknown last year, unless you’ve moved to a new city or country, then you have a problem in bonding.