I think I’m falling in love

Love VS Infatuation

For the first time ever, this doesn’t feel toxic. It’s not an obsession.

I always thought that my crushes were normal. I found the prettiest person I saw and I wished they were mine. But that’s not normal.For most of the people I crushed on in high school, I had never spoken to and I would obsess constantly over them for years. And to think, they were people that I knew very little of! I thought that craving someone -like you crave a celebrity- was love. I was suffering from infatuations.

In my defence, I was a little delusional. My generalised anxiety has been known to alter my perspective on reality and it turned my normal people crush anxiety into heavy duty uncontrollable anxiety. Making me believe that you could be in love with someone without knowing them.

And I didn’t know the difference between love and an infatuation. I thought they were equivalent. When in reality love is pure and caring, an infatuation is toxic and obsessive. When you’re falling in love with someone, you know them and it creeps up on you. That’s exactly what’s happening to me.

For the first time ever, I’m falling in love with someone. Someone who I have been friends with for almost a year and up until recently never saw anything romantic with. However, now, we talk and have nice and honest conversations. His funny and quirky jokes become my favourite and I knew he meant a lot to me but I hadn’t realised how much until recently.

And now, it’s weird but I see him in a new light. It sounds kinda insane but he was a close and perfect friend before and now he glows. His presence fills a room and his kindness brings me joy. I only wish I had more time to get to know him more deeply and maybe progress this into something more.

But alas, he’s moving and I’m staying. And so, the first honest love (that wasn’t laced with poison) I’ve ever had will vanish into thin air without anything changing. Except, it has changed my perspective on love itself. I know now of a much healthier version of love.

You will not love your significant other(s) in the same ways as you do your family, but the love is the same. It’s the pure and unforgettable bond that grows that is love. Knowing a person, regardless of how they look. And loving them, regardless of their monetary value.

All images are my drawings which can be seen on my instagram and facebook page. (Feel free to follow these!) And I own the rights to them.