Imagine parents, who love their child, searching to find a life partner. Parents know their kids, (if you are a parent, nod, if you are kid, trust me your folks do know you).
I am not talking about parents who sell their kids, who never wanted them in the first place, or others who taint the term ‘parent’. I am writing about Real Parents who love their children and want the best for them.
Parents will meet other parents, meet potentials, make their judgements and disqualifications. As they know their children, they know what they need, (as opposed to what they think they want) and select.
With everyone supporting the marriage there is no ‘mother-in-law’ problem, there is no divide. The parents like the choice, they made it. They have a vested interest in seeing the marriage succeed.
Any problems, the parents are there, both sets, plus all the other relatives, so that it isn’t a situation where the young couple is on their own, tossed out to somehow survive, but a situation in which they are brought into the centre of the family to prosper.
As anyone who has been through a divorce or broken relationship knows, they missed a lot of clues in early days. They didn’t hear between the words, they didn’t understand the way the other saw things, and before long they are moving in opposite directions and the marriage is ended.
Take a simple situation; one spouse wants children, the other doesn’t. No one said anything about children during the dating phase. It didn’t come up. One assumed the Other wanted children, the Other assumed One didn’t. Now; Other wants a child, One doesn’t. How did this happen?
This happens when people are on their own, meeting other people, having ‘hook-ups’ and ‘shack-ups’ and dealing with Now events and problems and he’s complaining about his boss, she wants to move, they are busy discussing other places, other people, other jobs, and when the smoke clears, when he’s comfortable and she’s comfortable, and it’s Baby Making time, one of them is like; “Huh?”
In arranged marriages this doesn’t happen. Children are part of the package. Everyone knows it, and if one potential says; “I don’t want kids”, that means the matching must be to another who either doesn’t want kids or can’t have them.
With the community invested in seeing that the marriage works, no one is left alone to struggle. Usually the newly married move in with one set of parents or the other until such time they have laid the foundation to move into their own place.
This isn’t two young people apartment hunting, not being able to make a rent, having to get jobs and shelve education or further training, these are two young people, married, but still having parents to help them.
In most cases the marriages work because so much effort was put into proper matching.
He didn’t fall ‘in love’ with her because she was so pretty, she didn’t say yes because he was so handsome. Neither was tricked by the other who was playing a role, nor are there going to be surprises.
They may not love each other on the wedding day, but respect each other. They may find the early days a bit difficult, but they work through them, so that after a few years there is love and commitment.
Which is why, if one looks at the statistics, arranged marriages have a much lower divorce rate than the unarranged ones.
What is the Main Cause of a Heart Attack? What is its Solution? A heart attack is the blockage of… Read More
In the vast economic arena, one term that often takes center stage, inciting extensive debates and discussions, is the "debt… Read More
De-Dollarization: The Changing Face of Global Finance The financial landscape is in a state of flux, with an intriguing economic… Read More
The curtains closed on a dramatic Bundesliga season with Bayern Munich standing tall once again, clinching their 11th straight title.… Read More
The Unfolding Story of Celine Dion's Health In recent news that has left fans across the globe stunned, iconic singer… Read More
As the echoes of the recent NBA season start to fade, the attention of enthusiasts is firmly glued to one… Read More
View Comments
For my entire life I have only known of two people in “arranged marriages”. One couple stayed together and as best I can tell are happy to be with each other. The other couple ended their marriage in divorce. Don't know if the guy was happy but the lady was relieved. She said love never developed between them even though they had a child. She did not divorce until her son was old enough to take care of himself. So based on my observation I guess the chances for a successful arranged marriage are 50/50. :)
In my circles, we don't really want to arrange the marriages for our children but we do hope and pray they will “marry in the Lord”.
What I have found, (talking to people who rejected the arranged marriage) is that after making their own mistakes they realised that they had looked for the wrong traits where the parents know what is important.
Marriage is marriage be arranged or love marriage because if you think that marriage is a sacred ceremony and a solid process of birth for someone because you married a girl now you will marry your daughter to pay your debt of nature.
But I want to clarify what we’re talking about when we think of “failure” in marriage. Many people might think that failure equals divorce, but for others that is not so. There are many people who stay in marriages for decades, living unhappy lives and being miserable in their relationships.
I wouldn’t think of this as a “successful” marriage. We might call it a marriage of convenience, a union born of and sustained in fear of living separate and independent lives, or an alliance rooted in and perpetuated by certain patterns of being and relating that are deeply ingrained and that the participants are afraid to challenge much less break.
If we look at the couple as a unit, as an organism, we might say that the couple either “succeeds” or “fails” in being able to grow, as a couple, allowing for the growth and development of each partner in the couple