The ability to see and accept all parts of our lives helps us to be happy
There is no complete happiness! I often hear this sentence. People usually continue their reflections like this: “If you have money, you have no love; If you have a job, you have no happy relationship; If you have a family that satisfies partner relationships and healthy children, you have no time for fun and friends. ”
When I hear these words, I have the feeling that something is not enough for a person to be happy, something is unsatisfied. I find one more thing – as if one wants to escape the nature of things and does not want to accept the integrity of the experiences, relationships and situations in his life.
And here I mean like this: “There is happiness if we open our eyes and see … your laziness.” But … let’s get to him step by step.
Imagine a padlock. Used to lock. Provides security. In winter, his body is cold (our fingers can get bruised until we unlock it), it’s hot in the summer (we can even get burned). It’s weighing. Can be cut. These are some of the features of the padlock. When I have to make a choice how to lock a door and ensure my safety, I take into account the specifics of locking devices, I take into account all the information and choose.
But when we are in a life situation, we somehow forget that. Somehow we do not accept the situation as it is, in its fullness, integrity, and totality of parts. We talk, think, act, as if we think it has only positive or negative aspects. We tend to “cut” natural parts and ingredients from it, usually those we think are negative, unpleasant, annoying.
A few examples
“I love to take care of my family, I like to prepare my favorites for every dish, but I do not like it and I do not like it, I’m even angry when I have to wash the dishes afterwards. Can not my children or my husband wash them? I have so lovingly prepared their favorite things, and they do not understand and let me do this unpleasant duty !!! “.
“I love my young daughter so much !!!! She is so beautiful! It’s a candy! All day I can enjoy it. But my mother and my partner do not help me at all. Go to work, watch your life. Well, they provide me money, of course. And just in the evening or at the weekends change the diapers, stretch the laundry or run the vacuum cleaner. How can they not help me all the time? I have to do everything alone! I do not have the time to make up and dress beautiful to go out for a walk with the baby, and we love both the clean air … ”
“My partner is wonderful, but he snore awfully !!! I can not sleep! How long will I have to talk to him about it and endure it at night ?! ”
“I have a son of a teenager. I can not get him into bed before midnight. Otherwise he is healthy, smart, has a clear purpose for his life. And he does it alone. ”
“My child is healthy, clever, gifted. On weekends we go to different competitions and events in which he shows up. Oh!!!”.
“I’m angry when I have to pay my bills – I do not like to give money for bullshit like electricity, water, phone, internet, food.”
“We were on a wonderful vacation, I had to go to the beach every day, but the sun … I was looking for high-grade sunflower oils, shade, cooling cocktails …”
Self-sufficiency. Completeness, integrity. Maturity. Different viewpoints.
I do not overburden or lighten the topic with the examples. You may find yourself extreme or superficial, but we humans have a tendency to complain, discontenten and do not accept those parts of situations, relationships, and feelings that are not in our taste.
Why? Because we need to make an effort, learn or develop skills to cope. Because we need to be honest with ourselves. When we deny, our behavior is like a toddler who is whimpering and does not want to accept the “obligatory” part. We show a lack of maturity because we do not accept the fullness of events and relationships. We show anger and discontent, not wanting to do any part. We believe that some of the activities of everyday life are servile work, lowering our authority and value. We believe that trouble is only happening to us and has already shaken us from the role of a long-suffering Genoveva, and we think it is high time that life offered us another, necessarily happy and, of course, a major role. We are sorry, we want to transfer our weight and burden to another and we definitely do not want to do any concrete action. We want the freedom and authority of man “18+”, but we do not accept the duties and responsibilities inherent in maturity.
How can we relate these reflections to a really difficult situation for us?
The situation is difficult
Then when we do not have the ability to pass through it. We do not have the yet automated, advanced skill that is needed to get in, get over and get out of the difficulty. When we have it, the situation no longer strains us, worries, “pulls out of balance” and does not accept it as a problem. Well, of course, here too we can manifest a whimper, showing anger or annoyance, asking, “Why is this happening to me?”
And my answer is this – sometimes we do not have to interpret to fainting and look for the reason, just to see what is what in this situation exacerbates my annoyance and uncertainty. Here is the valuable information we give ourselves if we ask ourselves the questions: “What do I do not want to do now?”, “Am I afraid of failure?”, (“Do I think I have no resource to do ?!”) , “Am I lazy?”, “Is it better for me to be familiar, old and sure?”, “Am I afraid of self-pity or accumulated fatigue?”
The ability to take life
In its fullness … I will express it metaphorically: every day of our life is a colorful bouquet – with unique varieties of flowers, some of which have thorns, others need grasses to stand out, third – nuances of feelings to Connect us with a sense of depth and life. Our bouquet is colorful due to the variety of events and the flowers in it are of different shapes. In order to be able to hold and carry our bouquet in order to take it to the vase in which we want to put it, paper, twine and fasteners are put in it. And to describe it in its fullness, I must say that it weighs, sometimes solidly. But when we walk along the streets, we say to other people something like this: “Today someone has read me, confessed, appreciated, rewarded, I am proud of it! And I, in turn, have confessed to accepting the bouquet. And I’m very pleased to notice this! “.
In our lives, in the valuable and important for us relationships, situations or activities, it is up to us whether we will see the twine, the paper, the grass or the unique variety. The ability to see and accept all parts, integrity and completeness is an indicator of maturity. The ability to move from one feeling to another, from holiday mode to stress on a holiday within the same day also shows how grown we are.
And if something is stinging us, it is good to see what this “thing” is and to seek professional support. We still have to answer the question: “Is this drama really a drama?”, Whether it is not a simple laziness and a delay or a desire to attract attention, whining, praise. There is nothing wrong with these three things, as long as we do not do it often, and when we do it, it is more enjoyable to ourselves and to the audience. The next time you upset and cry, and a few hours later you refuse to smile, remember that a juicy cake is not such without the dry bark.