We’ve all met people who are users. Pure blooded, focused, Users. They always want a favour, they always have some ‘help’ they need from you.
In some cases, the better users ‘pay’ for your use because they have a conscience.
They buy a present, invite you to dinner, give you tickets; they do something for you so that you can feel that you are not being exploited.
Decent people always ‘pay’ for the ‘favour’ even if you say; ‘Oh, it’s not necessary’ because people with some form of conscience do not want to feel ‘in debt’, do not want to feel they are taking advantage of your good nature.
Then there are the Others.
These Others will use you every day in the week and won’t feel a single tinge, until the day you refuse. The day you won’t allow them to use you is the day you become the worst person in the world.
I can list people who call for all sorts of advice and assistance. Morning, night, it doesn’t matter. They need, you are to supply. The moment they have to pay you for something, they want to cut down the cost, pay half so that you wind up out of pocket. Out of pocket for what? For whom? For a User.
There comes a point when, no matter how good you are, that foot has to go down. It has to go down because the way you are made to feel is not positive.
You feel stupid, you feel ripped off and you feel angry. And that is no way for you to feel when all you did was ‘help’ someone else.
To feel angry about having done someone a favour erases any ‘blessing’ you might have garnered by your good deeds. So you have to stop giving before you feel resentment.
You have to stop allowing yourself to be used, not to ‘fix’ them, but to not ‘fix’ yourself. Nothing is worse than when you feel the fool. When you repudiate the good deeds you’ve done.
See relationships as two way streets. When the traffic is all your way, it’s time for the road works.
How?
Don’t answer your phone. Most Users will ring you up when it is convenient for them. You don’t answer.
My cell is permanently on silent. It vibrates, it flashes. I can’t see or hear it from the far corner it is placed. When I get around to it, I see the calls, I see when they were made, by who, and decide if/when to answer.
The greatest Users always call at ridiculous times.
I recall one morning when I was eating breakfast, I saw the phone flashing. It was BFH. I didn’t answer. Work began at 8:30 I wake at 7:00. I eat breakfast about 7:10.
I noticed I had over one Dozen missed calls; the first; 4:46 am.
4:46, 5:01, 5:06, 5:15, on and on until this 7:12 flashing, the BFH had called me. When the phone flashed again at 7:30 it was his son coming to pick me up to take me to the other side of the island. “I’ll be ready by 8:00” I said, and went into the shower.
Even if the phone had not been on silent, I would have shut it off after seeing that first call. Answer? Never. Why? Because this is an abusive User who will Use me, use you, until you have no use.
I felt good about not answering, about not letting his need to Use affect my need to exist.
Other Users will always under pay, and then demand help. Once you are under paid, you withdraw the help. These Users will underpay you on Monday then ask for more help on Tuesday. You learn your lesson and decline.
If you don’t if you let yourself be used and abused, you will only cultivate resentment, which you don’t want growing in your heart.
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Users man there everywhere. And it always seems like the sweetest people who try to get over on you. In my case anyways. I don't like having a grudge or feel hate in my heart so I try to think positive. But boy I tell you that's hard to do when you have people trying to get over you all the time. If there's one think I'd dislike it would be getting used. It builds up so much anger and me. Alot of times itll be your own family. WHY : because they know you do anything to help your family. Sometimes you have no choice but to put your foot down let them know what it is and what it ain't going to be.life can already get tough and complicated as it is so who has time for people like that.
Now don't get me wrong there's always a select few who you can help because you know they have your back just as well as you got there's. And you can tell the difference between users and helpers. Helpers will be there when you need them and you be there when they need you. That's real friendship. Users stand out so easily, they only call when they want something,not just to say hi. So I'll answer whenever I feel like talking to them.dont never wanna stop by just to check in and say hey. They sure will come over though when they need something.theyll never stop it unless you put your foot down. yeah I know your thinking to yourself that you got a good heart but don't let others run over you because of it. It'll just make things complicated for you,give you feelings you don't want to have.
That is exactly the point. It is not just being used, it is those negative feelings that it produces which I don't want inside of me. I don't want to feel that kind of hurt and anger so I have to be 'pro-active' in a sense. As soon as I begin to feel a little bit used, I get scarce, I get 'useless'... not because I am not the kind to help... I don't want to feel the resentment of being used.
Talk about users this are people who exist everywhere in our world. They are known because they don't even try to hide their bad behavior. I have dealt with some people like this over and over and i have oftenly asked why I get involved with such people. I remember very well helping out some friend who had a hard time with stuff. I willingly helped but what I got in return was mind boggling. I could not imagine that that person would have done what they did. I was so used to the point of even borrowing, but after I found out what my friend was up to I pulled away from our friendship completely. And that's when I realized that i was just being used, but even after doing all those bad things to me, my friend did not have a very good life afterwards. Things just did not work and i thought we'll that must be your punishment for wasting my time and money.
I have become alert to being used. People will call ask me to come to their office to do free work. I usually don't argue, but call back and say I can't and suggest meeting at a hotel. This means, of course, no matter how it plays, I'm getting at least a cup of coffee. This is so beyond their user personality they will never agree.
So, beyond wasting a few minutes on the phone, that's all my investment.