Sometimes more important is not to talk but to listen.

Sometimes I think that if the friends or spouses, parents, relatives would be able to to hear out properly, then psychologists would reduce their work. When a loved one is suffering, sometimes we are not looking seriously into his suffering. We say such phrases as “everything will be fine.” Or “do not start again, do not come up with nonsense again” and so on. The conversation ends. Chatter is feeling distanced, lonely, nobody to talk to. Some people carry on own difficulties inside, others – call to help lines, or, finally, visit a psychologist.

But heck, saying these phrases we do not wish anything wrong. After all, we do truly care about our close one. Calming down with words that everything will be just fine, we are trying to brighten the mood. Rushing to give the advices, we try to help resolve the delicate situation. Belittling the problems we try to show that maybe for the man everything is not so bad. But, no matter how small would not look the other person’s problem, for him it can be a disaster. The open conversation, talking out the problems can sometimes shed light on a whole other side of the problem. Sometimes the man can feel the relief only of the conversation. In other cases, the conversation helps reduce the emotional burden and provides opportunities for a person to focus on problem solving.

Often we are faced with the fact that we just do not know what to say to the other person. Maybe we have no idea how to help a person, what to say that he could feel better. But in fact, what we say is not so much important, much more important is the fact that we listen to. First of all, it is important not to deny human problems, to accept what he says.

There is no need to rush to deal with those problems, to offer advice. After all, we sincerely care about close person. You do not need to know what to say him, do not need even say anything. More important it is to listen to and encourage the person to talk to. You need just to listen, actively listen. Active listening consists of several parts, such as paraphrasing, reflection, encouragement, open questions, specification, generalization, silence and reaction. To make it easier, imagine yourself to the other man’s situation, and ask yourself what you would felt. Ask questions, it encourages people to tell more about their situation. But it should be used with caution the question why. If needs, let to keep silence for some time. This allows him to reflect on his feelings, experiences, understand himself, to put   everything in his head.

The most important thing to remember – we cannot say anything bad, nothing is irreparable. If you say something wrong, it is visible through the reaction of the other person, and we can pay attention to it, ask what you said badly. Just show that you care about a loved one, because after all, you really care. Just show that you support him, will listen, that he can confidently talk with you, that you will not judge him, will not reproach, and will not reject. Let your close person to just be himself and to feel what he feels no matter what those feelings are.

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