Relationship Problems Between Parents and Children

There is nothing odd about Parents and children having difficulties.  The relationship between them can get tangled like electrical wires.

Arguments, anger, periods of silence, these are not strange.   They happen in many families.  The only thing one can do is try to deal with these problems and develop helpful strategies.

Helpful, meaningful strategies which are designed to protect the integrity of each.  Topics not to mention, visits carefully constructed.   Strangers pushed into the centre to distract.

And sometimes, walking away is the best choice.

There are times when children resent their parents.  This may be when the child is very young or very old.

When a child is below thirty the resentments can often be displaced,  Usually it is immaturity,the inability to understand why something was done or done, said or not said, and often, the child ‘figures it out’ for him/her self.   Sometimes to protect the child the parent doesn’t reveal the truth of a situation.   Sometimes, the parents may give a different reason, one that is easier for the child to accept.

When a child is over thirty, and still holds on to those resentments, there is nothing a parent can do.  Those resentments are ‘building blocks’ in that child’s personality.

These resentments ‘explain’ why the child has difficulty relating to people, why s/he makes mistakes. It is common to blame the parents for the actions the adult child has done without the knowledge of the parents. Such as making a foolish investment, marrying the wrong person, proceeding in the wrong direction.

It is much easier to blame Mommy and Daddy then to say; “I am wrong”.   Much easier to pack all the disconnections into an Id and leave it to fester, until reality is what the child invents.

Parents often seek to build bridges.  They want to make peace, to reach out. Very often this is rebuffed.  Until the child no longer needs the explanations and crutches they have fed themselves, the disconnection will exist. The parents only hurt themselves and damage their lives in the attempt to build those bridges.

The wisest strategy is to maintain distance, to make any encounter as light and meaningless as possible. For until the child actually matures, there will be no resolution.