It’s kind of odd for me today. I enjoyed eating outside. And also I have found some new stuff outside home. I had good time at workplace. But at the end of the day, I was unhappy. I was not happy with the amount of money I am earning. I was unhappy that I had to eat the food alone. I am not happy that I have no friends to share the frustration with. So all of this is just compounding. And in turn this is taking some mental toll on me. I am not sure if this is a good life. I think I am living some of the boring days of my life. I know being young not even 40 yet, still I have to go through this sort of bad things. I guess my life is wasted as it is. Just working and living alone without anyone around in life. Not even family.
Then again I look at the bright side of the life. I have partially good health. I have my shares of the health issues. Not going to deny that. I have some roof over my head. I can eat good food. I have few relatives taking care of me during the sickness. And in turn I have some of the good days. I am not complaining on that part of the world. But it seems my earning is not enough. I have no personal life. So things such as that are taking negative toll on me. But I am still being positive. And hoping to change things by working hard. I don’t know what may happen in future but so far things are good.
I am not sure how some people can handle the bad things and events in life. I guess with time we all learn to heal. It just happen to me that I am not that lucky on the social side. Not lucky on love life. And list goes on. But sometimes I just wonder if the life is going to end like this. I don’t know how some people take their mind off the issues such as this. But then again, it all starts with idea of getting outside the same situation. I am going to try that part and see what happens. I have hopes that someday I am going to be in lot better position in my life. So just going to work harder for the most part.
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I understand how you feel becuz am in the same situation and its only because I choose to be these men are not right and am to the point I can't trust men at all. But I look at it the same way you do. But just in a different way. I feel am beautiful still young intelligent black American woman who likes a drama free life. Don't want any problems, confessin, or anything. I take myself out to eat, to the movies, to the park, to the mall to shop, am a mother and father to both of my babies I have now so I feel that life is good for me right now without all the extra problems. At the end of the day am still happy with me, myself, and I