let move to biology jokes’

A paramecium and an amoeba are walking down the street. The amoeba asks “So, lacking any psuedopodia, how do you manage to get around?

The paramecium replies “A cilia question I’ve never heard!”

Psychic Hotline

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline.

His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”

The frog is thrilled, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?”

“No,” says his advisor, “in her biology class.”

Zoo

An unemployed biologist from Roche pharmaceuticals was having considerable difficulty in finding a new job.

He finally saw an add in a local newspaper for a position at a zoo.

In the interview, the manager told him that their only gorilla, which had been a star attraction, had recently died, and it would be sometime before they could replace it. Meanwhile, they needed someone to dress up as a gorilla and pretend to be the animal. The biologist was quite embarrassed, but, being desperate for money, he accepted the job.

The next day, the biologist put on a gorilla skin and headgear and entered a cage from a rear entrance. Visitors smiled at him and threw bread. After a while, the biologist really got into the act. He jumped up and down, beat his chest and roared as people cheered.

The following day, the biologist entered the wrong cage by accident and found himself staring at a lion. The lion roared and rushed toward him. The scared biologist turned and ran, while screaming, “Help! Help!” The lion leaped onto the gorilla, knocked him to the ground and whispered in his ear, “Hey, it’s me Howard, your former co-worker. Shut up or we’ll both lose our jobs!”

Human Body

The teacher asks, “Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?”

Flora blushes and says, “That’s disgusting, I won’t even answer that question.”

The teacher calls on Johnny: “What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?”

“That’s easy,” says Johnny. “It’s the pupil of the eye.”

“Very good, Johnny,” responds the teacher. “That’s correct.”

She then turns to Flora and says, “First, you didn’t do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you’re in for a BIG disappointment.”

Doing It

Biologists do it with clones.

Botanists do it in the bushes.

Zoologists do it with animals.

Organic Vegetables

A woman called her husband during the day and asked him to pick up some organic vegetables for that night’s dinner on his way home.

The husband arrived at the store and began to search all over for organic vegetables before finally asking the produce guy where they were.

The produce guy didn’t know what he was talking about, so the husband said: “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with poisonous chemicals?”

To which the produce guy replied, “No, sir, you will have to do that yourself.”

Biologist’s Garden

Once there was a beautiful biologist who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn’t get her genetically enhanced tomatoes to ripen.

Admiring her neighbor’s garden, which had beautiful bright red organic tomatoes, she went one day and inquired of him his secret. “It’s really quite simple,” the old man explained. “Twice each day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment.”

Desperate for the perfect garden, she tried his advice and proceeded to expose herself to her plants twice daily.

Two weeks passed and her neighbor stopped by to check her progress. “So,” he asked, “any luck with your tomatoes?”

“No,” she replied excitedly… “but you should see the size of my cucumbers