The idyllic family picture shows that brothers and sisters take care of each other, playing together, behave with each other like best friends. But how often such view is not a reality? Should parents be worried to see that the children instead of befriended each other again declared war?
The first thing parents should do – to come to terms with the idea that conflict is in every house, they rise and will rise. Maybe in some families they occur less, in others – more, but essentially conflicts between brothers and sisters are a completely normal thing. But on the one hand, when in family is born second child, elder child start feeling insecure. He sees the hands of mom or dad, and he might think that now another child is getting more attention and love. After all, we all have the natural desire to be a centre of mother and father’s attention protecting ourselves from danger. Rivalry is a sense given by the nature, the self-preservation instinct to survive.
On the other hand, conflicts between older children reveal their different desires and needs, what again is quite normal. Parents have the task to teach children harmonize those needs and resolve conflicts.
Above all, children should not be punished for their mutual conflicts. If a child is afraid to say that his opinion is other than a brother or sister’s, he will likely suppress a lot of negative feelings. The supposed idyll, when children do not dare to express their specific needs, is useless to anyone, none of the children. In addition, the punishment increases the hostility among children. So the first rule in mind, how to teach children to constructively resolve conflicts and avoid them is a general positive parenting and healthy, strong, positive relationship between parents and children. Don’t leave any of your children without your attention and share equal love to all your kids.
Picture by Pixabay.com
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My father was seldom in the house. He worked a lot and so the responsibility of discipline fell on my mother's shoulders. If she heard us arguing and we were really going at each other, she used to say: “Y'all work it out!” Then she gave a specific amount of time (which wasn't much) and told us if we had not worked it out by then, she was going to work it out for us. So if we didn't want her to come up with THE RESOLUTION, we better reconcile the conflict quick! That worked in our house. But everybody's home is different. On rare occasions, she was actually called in to mediate.
With my own kids I don't recall them having a lot of arguments and conflicts with each other. It's possible they made sure they did any fighting when we weren't around to hear them. :)
Hi, this is common in most homes. The fathers are never around so the mum gets to do most of the judging and talking. We never got to fight in my family, we simply respected one another and never got into each others ways. Life was kinda of peaceful. Although there could have been some sibling rivalry that most kids bottled up for later years, which is now manifesting.