Drawing your limits you show your perseverance, not an aggression. Perseverance is needed when we gain the courage that comes from the belief that everyone has the right to live differently; it comes of the democratic tradition. When we talk about perseverance, we talk about the behavior of certain interpersonal situations. Then, when important for us to defend and assert our rights and defend our desires, goals, needs and similar issues. We are also talking about the behavior of others attacking us: begin to blame unreasonably, to demand certain things. Also, it’s about the behavior, when others don’t leave us space, generally, interrupt us when we are speaking, do not let to express opinion. It’s about the behavior of the other person, who treats us disrespectfully, degrading, unpleasantly.
How usually we respond in such situations? It turns an instinct to attack, to answer in the same way, or turns on the instinct to defend yourself – to run away. However, none of these behaviors – neither attack nor defending – basically does not help us to solve problems of mutual relations. Third way may be persistent behavior. Stubborn behavior is like to say – here is my place and I shall not leave this place.
A man who does not allow himself to postulate his value, regardless of other people’s evaluations, looks out what others think of him, what others say. But you can’t please everyone. Our striving to please others is destructive because it does not allow us to live different from others life, our own life – regardless of other people’s evaluation.
Therefore, be tenacious and learn to say no. I would say, without it there is no an independent human psychology. How to replace the word “no” to another that would not so roughly sound? We know them all. Say something nice and add the magic word “but.” “With the big pleasure, but…”, “It’s may very interesting, but sorry, maybe next time, I am now too busy…” We could make our words more soft, but the professionals warn us not to do that.
Stubborn behavior always says that we need to raise the question what you want, what you seek and what you really want to. If you want to protect your own interests, but also to keep a good relationship with your partner or co-workers, or friends and so on, then you should look for options on how you can achieve this. If the one person knows how to build his own limits, the other also will learn how to set these limits.
Our perseverance is needed for children also. And more then to any other person. Those little ones are clever as no one. From the very young age they cry differently for mom and dad, depending on what they want to invite. They create manipulative means to force us to do what pleases them. With children, it is my deep conviction, that we are making a huge mistake, if do not draw the limits for them. They must to understand what they can and what can’t to do from the young age. Kids should know that there is word NO.
There may be not only forgiving and persistent, aggressive and persistent, but also the two persistent persons in a family. If your child is the same persistent as you are, you have to work hard as long as you enter the rules.
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Saying how to say 'No' is a key to building self confidence without hurting any relationship. There are many different kinds of relationships which we have to keep up and live up to. It is not possible to humanly please all people at all times. There will be times when we may have to say 'No' or something equivalent to a no. To nurture your relationships you have to learn to put your point of view across but at the same time see that it does not affect your relationship in a negative way.
We can use some words instead of saying 'No' straight away. We can say something like'Excuse me if you do not mind can I....' or 'We will discuss this issue in a elaborate way in the evening or in the night as I am interested in this topic...' or 'With your permission can I take leave and meet you regarding this important issue later in the day'? These according to me are some subtle ways of putting your point of view without saying 'No' and cutting people off.
Saying "no" depends on the person we are dealing with. It is easier to say no to your child, to your relatives or very close friends because they will understand why you did not agree with them. They know your standards, your principles, and they will not beg you to change it.
But in the case of other people, you can do it in a nice way, not in a blunt way like quickly blocking them. You can say it in a way they will understand and won't be hurt by your decision.
how to say no is the key ,yea, its not only to say no, you can say no in a nice good unpainful way to adult person or kid also, beign ignorant or careless and say no is not really good or wise thing, that is nice post, and should really teach kids by saying no sometimmes in good way for sure always