Ask yourself now if you are this victim of suffering. Try to imagine what you had in the past and what you are until this time. There is so much to investigate about the matter that almost crucifies your entire life, hard to escape from the dungeon of reality; you are there carrying the burden, yet you cannot escape being a martyr because of love, despite no happiness at all. In case you are this not anymore happy because love is the cage that binds your feet and the conscience might be the source of guilt should you ignore and set yourself free. Why is this love so powerful that you are willing to sacrifice just to let your family happy if you still have a family? What about to a husband or wife, despite having a nagger wife or having a drunkard husband, still you are there sacrificing affecting all your physical properties, LOL. Yes, the heart for me is unfair for allowing such dominion despite knowledge and how those you mean happiness displayed vertically and horizontally in your mortal existence. Would you allow yourself until you die suffer that way carrying the burden not yours to carry? Whence shall be the time your heart is strong enough to realize you have your personal needs and health to take good care too. A life with too much stress would lead to illness.
What if a family member marries and won’t leave your home? You may surely dive to loneliness and upsetting days under the sun. The sun would surely illuminate weary rays and bloody linings to sympathize your burden. But look! This is not your obligation to feed them and supply them with their own needs. What can you say? Are you happy if this happens to you? No, you won’t. You will surely cry secretly alone in your dark and lonely room. That is how you feel and see your ambiance if tolerate yourself this crazy thing called sacrificial love despite you are not anymore happy. There are people who always claim about the kind of life they have, yet they cannot resolve for once utter hurting and insulting words they cannot anymore be retrieved and may all be throughout life the source of unhappiness. I agree that one can live even without happiness. You live and somehow in your life you refuse to see the world with a happy look for what’s in your mind is work, work, work until one day you feel you are old and cannot anymore achieve your dreams to have a happy life .You will never be happy with a kind of happiness that is felt, for what subsides in yourself some devastations of your existence There are really family members that need your financial support and all other support as human being.
My friend also a teacher became old maid and has lost her happiness for a marriage that she longs for. Her mother is sickly and wants her 24/7 attendance, tsk, tsk, tsk, what a kind of life is it? I asked her if she has other sister or brother, yes there is, but all married and work as nurses in United States. Money is sent to them, plus retirement of her mom, but she told me, she is not anymore happy in her life. She said she might die single and alone for when her mother dies; she cannot adjust back her age to 20’s or 30’, so there will be someone to love and beloved. It sounds unfair for her mom does not like to hire personal nurse or caregiver so she can go back to her teaching. Her mom strongly refused. She cannot leave home and mom for her mom may surely die instantly and all the blames will be on her, so unfair. Her mom does not want her to have a bf in the past and marry, so sickening.
With love one can live even without happiness, and the fault falls on you. You are there climbing the narrow roads and crossing the bridge with troubled waters for you are afraid to release yourself from that cage only you have the ability to smash it and let everything soars to sky to finally set yourself free. Why not try another avenue to be free, without having yourself stay with those lazy people, that rely on you despite they are strong and having the ability and capacity to get a job? Just for once and for all show them you are not a robot, but human that feels pain and dislikeness of their attitude to be always dependent on you. Hey! Wake up my friend, you are entitled to happiness. Leave them alone to give the chance to see a curse of action that leads them to survival. You may send some help sometimes, not all the time. Give them a chance too to stand by their own feet. It is not easy to leave them, right? If it is hard for you to decide, talk to them and urge them to find a job or find something where they can earn to help you. Life is hard this time and money is hard to find.
If you are married and you cannot anymore extend your patience and stay with your nagger wife, talk to her to find out if there is a way she could minimize her illogical nag, if , not split the tie with an explosive resolution that you want peace not a nagger wife. Try to observe her reaction, that nagger wife never stops for once a nagger remains a nagger, LOL. She will become defensive and repulsive instead for an oath not to nag again, so go where you feel you fit for a new life.LOL. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is a possessive or jealous type, well, you already know what to do know, set each other her free. That is the best thing to do. At first, it will be painful, but the more pain you would endure should you be together for some months or years. This time, seldom you find martyrs because of love .Why? Why suffer when there is a way to happiness and peaceful life. What can you add on this quote, agree or disagree?
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This blog touches the different aspects of human relationships especially those of family relationships. These relationships have been made too complex by people of today's time and age. The sooner they reduce this complexity the better it is for the people. There has always to be a give and take in a relationship if it is one sided then it means it is heading for trouble. This is better avoided by all parties concerned. For the sake of the relationship. Whether it be a boyfriend girlfriend relationship of the one between the husband and wife. Thanks for the share. Good to see you back to writing blogs.
I pity your teacher friend. Her mother is quite selfish for not allowing her to enjoy her own life and career. Her mom could afford a caregiver, but she insisted on having her (daughter) by her side. She would be so lonely if her mother dies, leaving her alone.
But it could have a blessing in disguise because it is said that caring for a sick or old mother/parents will be rewarded in the future. It is good karma! Who knows, someday she can also meet someone whom will be with her for a lifetime.
Or it could be blessing in disguise because if she married now and met a wife-batterer husband, she would regret it, and think that she should had listened to her mother!
There is no such thing as loving in spite of being a "punching bag" of a husband! That is not love but being a martyr! (or false love!).
Thank you friend for you very nice thoughts on this blogs, yes you are right, each one must evaluate the gravity of the cause to avoid sufferings, and endless unhappiness. I am back to write for pleasure .
@acelawrites, thanks friend for dropping by and share your most appreciated expressions of this blog's character, yes true, we may call her mom selfish for she forgot her daughter has a life and future of her own.There are parents that do not like their daughter to sacrifice for their sake. Her mom is only thinking about her own benefit, her daughter's side, not.
love is happiness, how cana separate them, they are one, love is situatons tha make o u ahppy, love is meaning full life togeether that make you happy, love is school of hapinness, love is work toegether to be happy, love is support each other which make humans happy, so how can love be soething elss than happiness, no way, for sure no way, love is the world the maily the friens the husband and wife the friends and kids and enighbors , its God love the suport you i all times
@mangoh, Thanks for your inspiring share to the blog, yes love is truly beautiful for we never care about how we struggle.
Love is the only reason why we endure and why we still have the strength to carry on. Love is so powerful that everyday we ignore the pains we hold and keep because we are afraid our love will not be happy if see us in bitter days.Though not anymore happy but love is the binding block to make the whole part of the family intact.
Someone I knew said that anything you did was your choice and you cannot blame anyone but yourself for choosing that path.
What ever life you took, it is always your will. You can either choose between a yes and a no. But sometimes, human factor comes in.
The story about your teacher friend, maybe her compassion made her choose to stay with her mom and not go against her wishes.
But at the end of the day, the question is: Are we happy on path we decided to take?
If we give a serious thought to it we can arrive at a conclusion that there are no such things like 'love', 'hate','affection', 'hatred' etc., Everything is situational dependent. You can never have a perfect love from anybody and also for anybody. Once you realize that no one will be with you forever it goes towards 'MAYA'. This is not the topic for present discussion.
I really pity the teacher. Her mother is selfish because there is no one to lean on except the daughter who is earning. If the daughter is married she can not take responsibility and take care of her children. This is one aspect. If she has not allowed her daughter to marry or to have a bf only for losing financial support then we have to think that this has become quite common nowadays. But, this is very cruel which has relegates to corner all the human values.
This is prevailing more in Brahmin families nowadays who are treated with great respect and honor for their knowledge. They do not care to earn money for their children without realizing the fact that money has got some value in the present day society.This is due to their ignorance.
But, there are some rich and wealthy families. The situation mentioned in the blog is prevailing in financially well-off families also. The sons do not take care of their parents and move out of their house in search of their own job, get married and stay somewhere. The daughters who are married have to take care of the parents. In such situation, the parents stoop down to such a mean level of getting her married daughter divorced and keep her along with them. They create some misunderstand or the other between husband and wife and see that the marriage relationship is broken. What should we call this? This I have noticed personally.
Everybody has to devote some time for one's own happiness and personal comforts. Even a person having a good family should devote or allow some time for his personal happiness which can be experienced by him only as per his desires and wants. It does not mean that he should become an addict to it and neglect his family. He should also allow other members to spend some part of their time for their personal happiness.
@Ruby, That is a very nice question if we both are happy in the road we chose to traverse, for me yes, of course for I love my family and each of us at home got a nice job. We have our teamwork. But there are others I knew having a problematic marriage and because of their children the wife remains a martyr.My female friend and neighbor for example has a younger sister living with them she is grade 7,but one day her husband attempted to molest her sister. I told her to blotter it to police her answer was her husband pledged never to do it again and he can never do it. I asked her why she cannot leave her husband, her answer was, no one to feed them she and their 2 year old baby girl. That husband might have a karma someday. Her husband was sued in DSWD and he pledged there never to harm her young sister in law, what a shit guy.This is it now the example living in pain and need and love despite not anymore happy at all in their marriage.