A Woman’s Short Account Of Her Life: Now And Then

Life is a drastic change – from a simplified form to a complex one. I don’t know myself how I have gone through the ages of life. I sometimes think that yesterday I was just a little girl, without the knowledge of how the world actually worked and how I was supposed to contribute in it. But today l am a ‘full-fledged’ lady, who has to bear responsibility for the better future of the whole family, which looks upon me with eager eyes as I am the only breadwinner in it. I often question myself about how I will be able to bear the responsibility, after all, I had a carefree life till now. Whether my work will bring success or not still confuses and worries me, as success has become such an important thing in this life that anything that seems to deviate from it becomes a nuisance in our eyes instantaneously and so unworthy of our precious time.

I miss my carefree childhood. I really do. I simply long for it like a desert that longs for rain, or a tired walker that longs for rest. I was a free bird of space, not confined to the worldly affairs, nor caged to the confines of its nest, nor being sought to be caged and sold, unlikely to be hunted for spreading its wings or singing upon the skies. I could have fetched food whenever I felt hungry. I could have quenched my thirst if I felt like it. There were no seasons that would have made me feel uneasy that I might not see the cherry blossoms and sing upon the branches which I liked to do earnestly. Nor there were any reasons to feel as such.

How drastic a change this carefree life might undergo, I was simply unaware of it. There I said it.

People have always had huge expectations from me. But I wasn’t ready to lift this burden of so-called expectations (nor I am ready now). Nevertheless they kept on burdening me, while I heaved not a breath. It wasn’t that I was out of breath but that I was carefree. Or, perhaps, I overlooked it, or tried to make it look like I overlooked it and succeeded in it. I still try it but fail terribly while doing so. The scenario has changed a bit. A lot, if you will. Now is not the time to be overlooking things and letting them slip from my hands, nor I can afford it to happen so.

When I look at everything from where I stand now, it appears as though this life is a bit unfair. It might not have been the case with my childhood, however. But it seems unfair now. After all I have been put through, should I continue to live on as it is, or should I fetch my childhood and so return to it when I find it. I don’t even know if I have it in me anymore. Where is my life and where is my childhood, I continue to think.