My piece on the friend zone

The other day I was watching MTV’s friend zone. For those who don’t know what the show is about its basically people who are friends in a very common situation where one friend has fallen in love for the other without the other friend knowing. This particular show aims to help people get out of the friend zone by helping  the person in love to reveal their feelings in the hopes that his/her affections are accepted at the risk of losing the friendship due to good modern fashioned awkwardness. Whether or not the show is staged is irrelevant to me to because I know it represents many people around the world who are going through this. Keep in mind that its not wrong to be friends with someone from the opposite gender, merely that people have to accept that when it comes to what you need and what you want, choosing a partner can be very much like between a bottle of vodka and an apple with fruit inside, although the bottle will make for a wonderful night partying and “cutting loose” it will also come with some consequences in the end whereas the apple can be consumed and the seeds inside can later grow a tree. I also couldn’t help but notice the time it takes for most of these people to make a decision about whether or not to date the friend because its usually done in the same moment. One episode caught my interest because the guy in love had prepared himself for the worst.

After thinking that she was helping him on a  show to get another date it was suddenly revealed to the beautiful woman that she is the woman of his dreams. The young lady did a lot of crying, I suppose no one told her that men were designed to like women. What made me distrust her judgement is the fact that she spent the entire first part of the episode talking about how great he was and how he was always there for her. All I thought about was the grey area of a beautiful hell that this guy had been living in for the entire length of the friendship, knowing what the outcome would be and what he would do once it happened. He went to MTV friend zone as a maximum effort with a plan that he would leave town if she said no, which she did. He knew her well as a good friend friend and therefore suspected that she would say no, he created a backup plan that would keep him sane once the friend he knew well would say no, if they were that close then he knew she’d react however she normally reacts and that she would see him the way she always see’s things before telling him, so he made a plan in his head that he was prepared to leave: once MTV contacts him, helps him get the heavy words out of his heart and they did and at the end of his part of the episode he left town, just like he planned. The way i see it, he didn’t leave town because he was rejected but because he finally got it off his chest. While she was crying and displaying some emotions I couldn’t read I noticed he looked relieved. To know that he doesn’t have to dream anymore and can now start a new life with a life lesson.

While this may be sad we have admit that the woman had every right to say no regardless of how she might regret it later in life, I’m saying that because he was apparently there after her break ups which means he knows more than anyone what it takes to upset and what is needed to cheer her up. The general lie being told to friends who are in love and have now admitted to having deeper feelings is the person being asked doesn’t want to ruin the friendship on the off chance that things that work out between them but in all honesty, more people remain  friends after a break up than people who remain friends after one has admitted to having feelings for the other. I was in  relationship where it turned out that the person i was with had feelings for friend of mine, it wasn’t something  that had developed over time, merely that she like others around her liked him. He was that kind of guy they liked, as did she to the point of creating a distance between us until we broke up and somehow remained distant friends, but knowing her over the years I learnt she has a weakness for that sort of thing which helped during the break up as I tripped into a pot fueled hipster phase before finally emerging as an IT specialist. What I learnt was that you cant reflect on yourself based on other peoples interests and preferences, if a particular person can’t see you for the good you see in yourself every morning then would spend your entire life living as a moon to that persons world and although you might eventually be with them, they aren’t likely to stop talking about the people in their lives that gave them good experiences that you wouldn’t consider fun, only later to meet a married individual who actually shares your interests and makes you feel what you might have never felt before.

Its definitely worth risking a friendship for a relationship as friends come and go but if your reason for not being with someone was simply because you didn’t want to ruin the friendship then understand that you have failed to follow your natural instinct of choosing a partner that you would be happy to die beside because in your last moments you don’t want to be with those that were constantly making you upset, its much easier to learn to love someone you already like than to tolerate someone your’e only physically attracted to.