Categories: Uncategorized

Wondering Where You Are

I can’t sleep for long. It seems that every minute past I will be opening my eyes. I am wishing that this is just a dream and the news was just a joke. I woke up this early morning, by 3 am and I found that it is really true.

I want to write something that will able to release this pain, little by little. I want to write my good friend a letter. I don’t know how she will able to read it. I hope it will fly along with the wind.

I wonder where you are? I wonder what are you doing there? I have the feeling you are not happy, but how could I help you there? You shocked all of us from your passing. We could not accept what happened to you. We cannot move on but they already forgive. I am confused if I will forgive you too, though I know you did nothing wrong to me but on yourself. I hope you forgive yourself too.

Right now it makes me feel life is cruel. I still have lots of friends to keep, there are lots out there who are willing to take care of a started friendship. I am not thinking they can replace you. No one could ever replace you and that hurts the most. Your family is distress, we are all upset. We are all mourning for we lost a great person and we will never see you again. I can’t even look at your pictures. I can’t. Sorry. I know whenever I will be looking at it, it will remind me of your death.

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Why? Why do you do this to yourself? Why do you let something happen that will hurt a lot of people? Are you testing them to know how much you mean to them? You know how much you mean to me. I know how people love you, your family, your dogs, there is no enough reason to end a life when you know there are still people who loves you, who are always looking up on you. You are a very inspiring person. You always wish everyone a happy life. It makes me think you are not happy at all? Are you sad? We could be sad at any time, even for the rest of the day, but that is not a good reason to end a life. Even the people who are dying in bed are still fighting for it, why did you do this to yourself?

Since I don’t understand, how can I move on? I don’t want to get angry. I am upset, but I am not angry. I don’t want to live with this kind of feeling. However, it is good if you will make me understand. I don’t know how you will do it. I know God will help me. We, your friends, will help each other too, but please help me to understand what you did. Please let me believe that is the right choice but it will never will. You can appear in my dream, I am allowing you. Please let me know if I could still be of help.

I will be praying for you. I hope you able to read this.




  • Grecy Garcia

    View Comments

    • I am confused with you. Last night I read your post about your best friend who had been lost for she committed a suicide. Now you're in another dilemma on how you could move on for you couldn't contact your friend. Is this your boyfriend? Have you broken up? Well, that is too personal.

      I don't know if he could read this. I don't know if other would relay this to him. Anyway, you have expressed your feeling that you're not really affected for you're very willing to amend things for him.

    • Sis, sorry about your friend's passing.
      Sorry, I didn't read the previous post.
      But now, I know that you must have missed your friend terribly.
      Whether he/she is your close friend or just a friend, I guessed that he/she must have used the wrong way to end the pain or suffering.
      God gave us life, and it is not up to us to decide what to do with it.
      It is God's decision to take it away or not.

      Since your friend is gone, i guess that this post is related to your heart, trying to reach out to his/her.

      Hoping that he/she could hear you since he/she is not here in the Living world anymore.

      Maybe, one day, he/she may answer your question in your heart.
      As for now, do not dwell on it.

      Everyone has to go someday, just don't know when.
      But as for now, allow time to heal your wound.

      Peace.

    • I am really sorry for your loss. It is really sad to lose a friend, and I did not know your friend chose this way to end his or her life until I read this post.

      I have a friend who chose this way to end her life too, though I was not very closed to her, but her brother, it made all of us shock and very sad, especially the family, and she seemed to be such a positive person.

      I understand you are really sad now, but life must go on. Hope you will stay close with your friends and help each other to walk pass this sad and upset period. You already have enough on your shoulder, try to lift down some, and not burden yourself too much.

      Hope you will be able to meet your friend in your dream, and you will get your answers there. I truly hope your friend will be forgiven and rest in peace now.

      Praying for you too.

    • It's good to see that you're letting it out, sissy. I think we all often wonder why, when some one takes their own life. I'm reminded of the theme song from MASH. Suicide is painless...it brings on many changes... I think for a person who commits suicide that they can't handle the hurt anymore and they think it's the easy way out..however, they don't know the pain that they cause their loved ones.

    • I am so, so very sorry. Life is so cruel sometimes. Cruel to your friend for feeling like she had to give up and cruel for allowing you and her other loved ones to have to lose her. No one should ever be dealt such pain. Many people see suicide as selfishness. I see it as desperation. Your friend must have had many inner battles she dealt with that led her to this decision. It had nothing to do with you or the others who loved her. Sending you hugs, love and prayers for peace.

    • What is friend? nothing but your weakness that you make self as Shakespeare has said, "Woman thy name is weakness" means naturally woman is an essential part of man both create children and children become parents' weakness just like any weakness be in any shape friend, sister, boy friend, lover..or be any shape is weakness of man and woman is hell of mind and soul.

      As we are born to die and everybody on earth is to depart from you one day. You lost your boyfriend and your boy friend lost his boy friend. we may as we lost my father, my father lost his father, and his father lost his father is a continuous process of nature.

      Things and art born to die or to depart therefore the best part remain with us and the worst part leave us is the law of nature.

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