When puberty hates you much

“I am so afraid to share something that has been so soul destroying and confidence killing with so many people out on a public domain but I have decided that if my experiences and mistakes can help even just one person, then its worth it.

Okay I will start my story now pero magbisaya nalang ko kay hilas kaayo mag-english ambi palang feeling gwapa. Bitaw atong bata pako cute jud daw kaayo ko because I have a chubby cheeks, kissable lips (hilas) and a pair of beautiful eyes. Dili sa ingon nga naghinambug pero mao jud ilang ingon nako. I was very jolly and talkative back then and until now. Tas kusog sad kaayo ko manglibak sauna as in super jud bisan naa ras atubangan kay libakon jud nako. Joker jud ko na pagkatawo, I really like to make people laugh with my silly jokes even though personalan na unsahay basta mapakatawa lang jud sila. I could really blend with the atmosphere. What I mean is when I am talking to a person who is older that me, mamatured kog kalit murag pangtiguwang sad kog pangutok pero kung bata pangabata sad kog utok. And I could really say nga cute jud kaayo ko until Grade 8. Pero dili man diay sa tanang panahon fresh kaayo kag nawong, dili man diay nimo forever ma-maintain ang Liza Soberano fresh look huhuhu.

Mao to, gebisita na og lahi-lahing bagyo akong nawong. Kanang gaexpect ka nga mosamot kag kagwapa pero dili diay. Daghan kaayo og nanurok sa akong nawong nga pimples, bisag asa dapit madako or magamay man. Mura najud kog mamatay tas wala nako kabalo unsay buhaton. Pataka nalang kog gamit og bisan unsa basta mauli-an lang jud akong nawong pero it seems nga nagkadaghan man hinuon siya. Eskinol, kojic, lemon, antibacterial soap, sulfur soap og uban pa na kulang nalang halingan nako akong nawong og kalayo aron mauli-an lang. Tungod ana I was less confident na dayun. Dili nako confidently beautiful. I really hate my self and I didn’t respect myself anymore but it doesn’t stop me from being funny and jolly.

Sa school kay maulaw nako mueskwela kay mga libakira/ro kaayo ang mga tawo didto. Going to school and facing a lot of people was my everyday challenge. Ang pinakasakit jud is kanang libakon kas sa imong mga igsoon og papa bitaw kung unsa kahugaw og unsa ka maot imong nawong as in murag muguho na ang kalibutan sa kasakit tas binuangan pajud kas imong friends or barkada, syempre dili man jud na mawala nang laitan sa inyoha pero masakitan jud ko kung binuangan nila akong nawong pero dili lang ko musaba magkatawa rako pero inig naa sa balay kay maghilak jud ko og pinabongga nga murag naa kos teleserye bitaw. For me, talking to a person face to face is almost as nerve-wracking as bungee jumping off a building. I wonder if they know it makes me feel even more uncomfortable when they keep glancing at my forehead. I only want to have a normal conversation with someone. Naa gani toy kas-a nga geignan kos classmate nako nga seryoso kaayo siya ana siyag hugaw daw kaayo kog nawong as in super nasakitan kaayo ko pag-uli sa balay mi hilak jud ko tas geignan nako akong mama about ato then ana siyag pasagdahi nalang daw kay ang Ginoo ra daw bahala ana nila. Well, I was a little bit inspired about that pero mawala ra gehapon. Sige nakog ingon akong self nga joke raman to ilang gepangsulti pero ambot masakitan japon ko. Sige nakog ignan akong self nga dili nalang pansinon pero di jud mawala.

Of course as a normal person naa sad koy crush pero kanang lage 0% nakas panagway wala najud kay chance maulaw sad ko muchika sa akong classmates nga naay koy crush kay mga yaga-yagaon kaayo tas ma turn-off palang akong crush kay chaka kaayo tag nawong. Mao ng nagfocus ra jud kos akong study because I want to make my parents proud. Pero di man jud mapugngan ang uwag ui makasuya man gud kaayo ng couples bitaw nga sweet kaayo so mao to since maot man ko akong gebuhat nalang is through online chat kanang parihas anang Omegle, Chatrandom, CherryBlossom og uban pa pero kung video chat kay dili sad nako ipakita akong nawong basin mga kuyapan sila tungod sa kamaot. Bahala nag LDR basta mafeel lang nako nga naay galove nako. Masuya gani kos uban nga gwapog uyab dayun chaka ang baye, makaquestion nalang gud kog maka-ingani kaha ko? Pero ana sila ihatag ra daw ni Lord basin natraffic pa ako sa mga uwagan.

Until now college nako nagkalevel-up akong bugas, nagkalevel-up sad ang pagkahinawayun sa akong classmate. Ignun ko nilang rocky road lage daw akong nawong, makakita daw silag craters sa moon sa akong nawong, makasamad daw inig hikapon og uban pa. Pero ako masakitan man pero magkatawa ra. Naa man sad koy bestfriend nga sige og motivate nako nga dili lage ko maot. Tas nainspire ko ato iyang geingon nga But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” Mibalik akong pagkaconfidently beautiful with a heart. I don’t care about them anymore because I know that God really cares for me. Makaingon kos sa akong self nga pasalamat gani ko kay bugas rani ang uban dira kay mas labaw pa sa akoa nga hapit na mamatay. Dapat thankful ko nga ing-ana ra ang gehatag sa Ginoo nako tas magoa oa pajud ko.

So katong mga tawo nga very conscious on their faces please stop because time is the best healer. Muabot ra jud ang panahaon nga mawala na just be patience. I know that its very hard to maintain self-confidence in this kind of environment where people are going to challenge you and will bring you down but the best thing to do is to surround yourself with good people, people you trust. None of us are perfect, and who wants to be?!! Perfection is not a human trait therefore it is impossible to reach. Of course, it doesn’t mean you give up TRYING to be perfect but there’s a fine line between HAVING to be perfect and TRYING. When you HAVE to be perfect, anything less is a complete and utter failure, and you feel inadequate if you ‘fail’. When you TRY to be perfect you accept that if you have tried your best, that is perfect in itself, even if the end result didn’t quite turn out how you wanted to be. Thank you for reading and I hope na inspire mo sa akong story!

College of Education
La Salle University