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I had a realization today. God has offered me everything I need. Through wonderful people he has put everything at my doorstep that I could possibly need to recover from my mental illness and fight my demons, but I have been rejecting his offerings. I keep being willful and defiant, not just to the people who offer me help but to the help God himself is offering me. I’ve turned away from church and from all his blessings. In the past few months, I’ve been offered new therapies to help me recover and I’ve tried to reject them. I’ve driven my therapist crazy fighting with her, rejecting everything she has to offer because I didn’t want to accept the recent diagnosis I was given. The truth is, that diagnosis is correct. It took making a friend with the same diagnosis to accept that – to realize that diagnosis doesn’t make you a bad person, it just identifies the problems you need to work on. Now, I’m accepting it as a part of me and I’m going to accept every ounce of help she will give me. I’m also going to accept the therapy specially designed to treat this diagnosis. I’m not going to reject it as ‘shutting me up’ or as rejecting me…I’m going to take it as another tool to help me. I may be able to get this therapy for free, or I may have to pay $100 a month for it. Either way, I’m going to get it for at least 6 months. I’m going to take the steps I need to get out of this cycle of hospitalizations…I have choices to make here and it’s time to make the right ones. I’m being given gifts and it’s time to accept every single one of them. Its time to stop acting like a fool and like a child. God wants a future for me but he can’t control my choices. I have to make the choice to reach out and take what he’s offering.
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All you need to do is open your heart and let God guide you in your life. Listen to his voice inside you for He only knows what is the best thing for you. Sometimes in our own desperation we tend to rely in our own capabilities without any help from God but in reality we cannot go on without him. We often feel broke, lost, and outcast without anywhere to go. But all we just need is to come to him, pray for him, that in God's giving grace all the trials we have in our life we will soon be surpassed. God is the loving father we have in heaven and he will do everything to make us a better person in his eyes.