Many people become involved with an abuser. They don’t realise it. Not at first, often not until it is far too late.
There are a few warning bells which might be useful to protect you.
There are Male and Female Abusers, but their manner of operation is different.
In this first article I will deal with the Male Abuser.
Male
The man who is likely to become abusive has a ‘aura’ he gives off which makes him seem soft and hurt. He seems the exact opposite of an abuser.
Your first emotion is more feeling sorry for him that fear. You feel powerful. He seems so sad so needy and lonely he is the last person in the world you could fear.
You, his potential victim begin the relationship by being so kind and nice. Often his story is that his last girlfriend dumped him. Maybe he had to break up with her for some acceptable reason.
When he’s young he’ll often complain about his family; his mother or father, (or lack thereof). If he is older, he’ll complain about his Ex.
In short, he portrays someone who has suffered great hurt.
You enter the relationship as a friend. There is no potential there, he’s someone you know.
There are conversations, maybe casual dates, nothing significant.
The woman, the soon to be victim, feels she is in control. She believes he depends on her. She often has a life, and doesn’t really need him.
However, he makes her feel that she is the only person in his world.
In time, the relationship progresses to the point that he starts to display a form of love, the kind she never imagined.
She will feel guilty that she doesn’t love him as much as he loves her.
As time passes, and he displays more signs of his love she begins to believe that no one can every love her like this.
She might feel overwhelmed and try to stop it or slow it down, or even end the relationship. This upsets him so much her guilt is compounded
She never has time to sit down and go over this relationship and wonder why her, why him?
She never ponders why he seems so weak.
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