I disappointed deeply this winter, not only into my employer, into my family but also into some of my friends.
Now I know I write my personal posts all the time, but because I solve this thing with myself hardly I will be able to move on.
It is not all about sleeping properly, being taking care of yourself properly, the right food and thinking optimistic… I actually have to have a reason to move on.
The first time when m y employer told me that he can’t grant me a prolong vacation I broke in tears. I planned to take a prolonged vacation to solve this burning family issue with an elderly man in my family who required assistance at home, but could not count in with his own children.
I tho high that my employer will be full of understanding. One reason I was hoping to see him melt over this is because I was providing this assistance completely free and in good will, but aside that my family was forcing it – both emotionally and socially on me. So, I was really counting in with my employer’s good will that when this problem is solved I can go back to my job.
But, instead of the understanding, I was met by his cold calculation. He told me pretty straight forward that I am in failure if I think he will let me go and come back like this and I will probably get pregnant in a process…
Now, that was an insult right in a start. First, I told him, I have three children at home already, I don’t want more… He just said just because you have three doesn’t mean you can’t have more, what are you infertile… But, I was in shock I asked him how come he is that way, he said I should go home and stay home if I don’t care for my job and career. I said, what a career, I work only 2 hours in the day, and when I am here, I slave. When b a hall needs cleaning, I do that with no pay extra hours.
Of course, I was fired. He took a younger and ‘more capable’ women to do this. Do you know how bad you feel, not even being thirty and somebody calls you old?
After that, initial shock, I went to see my mother and my friends. My mother was sympathetic how much a woman of her age can be, not much. My friends, which I consider close and dear to me asked me how could I expect something else for me.
But it was said with a tone that I want a special treatment for myself. My job was top notch, and I think they might get a bit jealous over it. Because my friends were either home with children or working less interesting jobs.
At least now I know who are my true friends, and there is not much of that either. I am hugely disappointed by all that happened to me, and while I battle depression and all that came to it I have to decide what to do with rest of my life besides being only a mother and a housewife.
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They all have ruined your self esteem. Don't be downed because of those.
People go through downs in their lives. Because they are determined to win over the situation, they turned a deaf ear to all those that other people say that can depress you more. Unfriend the ones that adds up to you depression. Who needs friends like that.
Most of all , love yourself. You are young and you are still strong. Keep finding other jobs.
Be with positive people. Avoid those who speaks badly of you.
You deserve a second chance and even a third chance.