I usually call it; “Hurt me to Hurt You”. It is practised by Children trying to ‘fix’ their parents. It is not physical pain or injury, it is to deny one’s self a pleasure in the expectation it will hurt the parents.
The child who says s/he doesn’t want to go to Disney World, or says “I’m not hungry”, or locks themselves in their room, is expressing anger at the parents and somehow believes self-punishment will hurt them.
Many children do not grow out of this behaviour, and because they resent their parents or want to punish them for some ‘wrong’, deny themselves a benefit.
When one is unfamiliar with the behaviour they find it shocking that a grown man would deny himself a benefit in some twisted belief it will hurt his parents.
Some years ago, property was left in a Will to a man who was forty years of age. His father, whom he ‘hated’ informed him of this, and that his uncle had taken the property. Because the message came from his father, the man did nothing.
Years passed, and somehow, after six years, the man realised the value of the property and then contacted his father, (for the first time since the call) about the property.
It seems astounding that a grown man could allow property of serious value to be captured by his Uncle and do nothing.
However, once one appreciates that the man has some twisted belief that by denying himself property he would in some measure inflict punishment on his father, one can begin to unravel the twisted mentality.
This kind of behaviour is not rare. When children develop a resentment for their parents, for whatever reason, they can not express it verbally or sensibly, so resort to a kind of aberrant form of behaviour. If they are young enough and the parents are alert enough, they might be able to uncover the problem, and perhaps alter the response.
When a child grows to adulthood with that behaviour cemented in place, the mere suggestion of the parent means the child will do the opposite. By doing the opposite the child believes that the parent is being punished.
In the case mentioned, this grown man, now mid forties has just begun to appreciate that allowing his uncle to capture and benefit from property left to him in no way effects his father.
Of course, it is rather too late.
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Our father didn't allow this kind of behavior. We have to behave according to what he wants. And somehow all of us siblings grew up well and have now our own families with children who are obedient and smart .