Most of us have no inkling that there are people who have the inability to form real bonds with other people.
Although we are born with that ability, many children grow up in dysfunctional families in which trust and reliance do not exist, and forming temporary links with others who are useful replaces this capacity.
The child grows into an adult who can not form long lasting relationships with others, and constantly is moving from one to another.
It is easy to note, the person whose best friend changes frequently, contra those who keep their friends for life.
The person who changes; once a die hard this, now a firm believer in that, not growing or maturing but changing because they can form no life time bond with anything.
The damage a person who can’t bond causes is usually seen in adultery.
The man (or woman) who is incapable of recognising a permanent and exclusive connection to another can easily have sex with a merry go round of others.
The pain caused to the faithful partner, the questions and self doubt caused is not their fault.
For example, C.J. was married to a beauty queen. She had come from a wealthy family, had a good job, had a wonderful personality.
Yet. C.J. was always sexually available and would engage in relationships with women who were unattractive, uncouth, lower class, in fact any women who smiled at him was a possible.
His wife divorced him, married again. He went from affair to affair for the rest of his life.
Anyone who investigated C.J. would have found that he changed his friends frequently. He changed his focus, and moved from one profession to another.
He went into the working world along with a set of others, and his best friend was someone with whom he’d bought a piece of land, divided it between them, and one assumed they were brothers.
Then he left that firm, went on to another, as if his once best friend was someone he scarcely knew. In the other firm he spent a few years, then went on to another.
Whomever he is having lunch with today he will probably not be having lunch with next week. For C.J. can not bond. He is afraid of ‘trapping’ himself.
Had his wife noticed these obvious signs, she would never have married him.
It is easy to protect yourself from people like C.J.
Who is his best friend? How long as he known him? What groups does he belong to and for how long? Does he attend religious services? How often? And for how long?
Kev, for example, met Al in primary school. They were best friends all through High School, into adulthood. At one time they shared a flat. Kev married, Al married, they stayed in touch all their lives.
It is pretty likely Kev’s marriage will succeed because his wife is his wife, and to be unfaithful to her doesn’t enter his mind. Why should it?
The problem today is that many people grow up in fragmented families where they do not have the sense of security so as to believe that the person who is here for them today will be here tomorrow.
Their lives teach them that people come and go and there is no sense in forming a bond.
These people can be great friends as long as nothing is expected of them and it is all now, all ad hoc. But depending them is only going to lead to heart break.
What is the Main Cause of a Heart Attack? What is its Solution? A heart attack is the blockage of… Read More
In the vast economic arena, one term that often takes center stage, inciting extensive debates and discussions, is the "debt… Read More
De-Dollarization: The Changing Face of Global Finance The financial landscape is in a state of flux, with an intriguing economic… Read More
The curtains closed on a dramatic Bundesliga season with Bayern Munich standing tall once again, clinching their 11th straight title.… Read More
The Unfolding Story of Celine Dion's Health In recent news that has left fans across the globe stunned, iconic singer… Read More
As the echoes of the recent NBA season start to fade, the attention of enthusiasts is firmly glued to one… Read More
View Comments
This is very sad that we may be a people like this I the society. There are people I would like to call lo are because they cannot keep friendships going for long. I wonder how such people can be helped, can therapy work for them. It's bad enough to have someone in the house with you all the time yet you dont communicate or even just spend some quality time together. I also had a friend like that who would rather be in the midst of strangers than the people he knows. I also think such people may have been brought up by parents who were always away from them maybe working or travelling so whenever they would want to talk to someone no one is ever there to listen to them this making them grow up knowing or thinking that they are not loved.
I have wondered what causes the inability to bond. I suppose an insecure childhood is a reason, perhaps the need for novelty is another. But if you meet someone whose best friend changes, who is seen with this crew then that crew and there is no permanent person or people, it is clear the idea of being 'faithful' does not exist in their minds.
What a good story I've recently read! I like such articles which values reading them double.
it is packed with practical info on the discipline, like that 1 [Link deleted] Thank you a million to the writer for
such an incredible piece!