don’t ever apologize for showing feelings. When you
do so, you apologize for the truth.” ~
We often experience resentment toward other
people when we find it hard to forgive them and
hold onto unspoken pain.
Whenever we feel we’ve been treated unfairly,
judged, or wronged, we have a very powerful
internal reaction.
The emotions we experience are strong. We feel
them intensely and deeply, because they challenge
us to reassess the self-image we hold of
ourselves.
The unexpressed painful emotions we experience
as a result of other peoples’ actions have the
potential to transform into resentment if they are
not released in a healthy, effective, and timely
way.
Resentment lives inside us, feeding on our negative
feelings and emotions. It becomes stronger the
longer it is ignored. It can mutate and develop into
a warped veil, which prevents us from seeing the
world from a healthy, balanced perspective.
If left unresolved, resentment has the power to be
all consuming, and is very effective at fuelling
anger.
In turn, unexpressed, internalized anger is a ticking
time-bomb which can lead to abusive or self-
destructive behavior, or a combination of both.
Resentment is a very personal and private
emotion, as it has almost no effect on the person it
is directed toward.
It resides with its owner, and causes negativity
and pain.
Given a conducive set of circumstances and
enough time, I can experience resentment on a
powerful scale. I believe this is, in part, rooted in
my formative years. I was brought up in a home
where expressing strong, “negative” emotions was
prohibited.
I grew up believing it was unacceptable to express
hurt, disappointment, frustration, or anger toward
the people who evoked these very emotions in me.
By the time I reached my teen years, I had
unwittingly yet wholeheartedly perfected the
internalization of painful emotions.
Resentment had found a comfortable home inside
me, neighbored by my reluctance and fear of
expressing myself.
Whenever anyone hurt me, intentionally or
otherwise, I would simply deny my emotions by
storing them in a box inside me labelled “deal with
this later.” However, later never came. What did
come was resentment toward the people who’d
hurt me—that and anger.
At the time, I saw this as a kind of pay-off. “If I
keep my feelings hidden and unexpressed, then I
don’t have to risk jeopardizing the quality of my
relationship with this person.”
In truth, I was terrified of rejection.
This fear fuelled my reluctance to express my pain
to the people who’d hurt me. Ultimately, the person
who I ended up hurting the most was me.
As a young adult I began to reflect; to try to
understand how my behavior, reactions, and
choices were affecting my overall well-being and
happiness in life.
At first, I felt weak for not being able to consciously
override my existing behavior patterns and simply
create newer, healthier thought processes and
actions.
I wanted more for myself than a life limited by my
own self-imposed parameters.
It took a lot of honest and thoughtful self
examination to begin to realize, understand, and
accept what was preventing me from living a life
free from bitterness.
After years of denying myself the full spectrum of
my emotions, I resented anyone who stirred
powerful, “negative” feelings inside me. My
resentment toward others was intrinsically linked
to my own inability to express painful emotions.
Looking back, I feel that if I had expressed myself
more truthfully, I would not have clung so
desperately to the resentment and anger. I also
believe I would have welcomed forgiveness and
been able to enjoy closer relationships with others
more readily.
Everyone needs to express themselves. This is not
a luxury; this is an absolute necessity.
To be fully free and completely ourselves, we must
feel comfortable enough to outwardly express our
emotions, whatever form they take.
If you are experiencing feelings of resentment,
here are a few tips that may help you to let go and
move forward:
Express yourself
When we deny our feelings, we are denying the
truth. What kind of life are we living if we are not
living truthfully?
Allowing ourselves to feel our full range of
emotions is not only liberating and necessary, but
it also helps cleanse us of negativity which we may
be subconsciously holding on to.
Many of us are conditioned to see emotions as
“good” and “bad.” To regard the complexity of
emotions as either black or white belies the
learning opportunities which are embedded and
disguised in experiencing them.
For example, jealousy could be regarded as a
“bad” emotion; however, if we open our minds and
hearts, we could also see that this emotion is our
own personal doorway to learning more about fear,
trust, and connection.
When someone hurts us, intentionally or
accidentally, we have a responsibility to ourselves
to express our pain.
This needn’t be self indulgent or pitiful, but an
understanding that it is our right to express that
pain in an effective, healthy manner which helps us
to let go and move forward.
The next time you experience a strong emotion
such as fear, hurt, disappointment, anger, fury, or
panic, try using this simple mantra:
“Right now I feel (INSERT EMOTION). I give myself
permission to feel (INSERT EMOTION) because I
have a right to express myself and my emotions.”
When we stop trying to control our feelings, and
start embracing the colorful way in which our
hearts communicate with us, life begins to teach us
our most important lessons.
Communicate your feelings
It takes huge strength and courage to express and
communicate our pain to the people who hurt us. In
doing so, we expose our vulnerable side—the very
part that we want to protect and keep safe.
But when we communicate painful emotions, we
take a step outside of our comfort zone and into a
wonderful learning and growth opportunity.
The next time someone’s actions hurt you, try
telling them how you feel. For example, “When you
raise your voice, I feel scared and disrespected,”
or “When you ignore me, it makes me feel
unappreciated.” Choose the right words to convey
your feelings.
Try to express yourself from a calm and balanced
frame of mind. Your words will have more effect if
you are able to express them from a strong,
healthy standpoint.
Remember that you are doing this for you. It may
also help the relationship, but your main motivation
for communicating and expressing your feelings is
your commitment to living a truthful life, free from
resentment.
Practice forgiveness
Forgiveness is your own personal honor. The
ability to wholly and truly forgive is one of the
greatest gifts you can ever give yourself.
Forgiveness sets you free from resentment’s
confines; it breaks down the walls that anger builds
and negativity reinforces.
When we forgive, we stop letting our pasts dictate
our presents. We acknowledge we want the very
best for ourselves; accepting that our past makes
us the person we are today, and embracing that.
Letting go of resentment doesn’t necessarily lead
to forgiveness, but when you embrace forgiveness,
resentment ceases to exist.
When we commit to expressing ourselves fully, we
become stronger, more confident , and more
aware.
We cannot control what other people do, but we
can control how we react. When we practice
truthful living, self-expression, and forgiveness,
resentment simply has no place or power in our
lives.
let do away with it
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View Comments
Oohhh my its like you are talking about me at some point. I have gone through the same stuff that you have been through in your life. I used to hold back a lot when people did me wrong, i never spoke up about my feelings, i would hold them in and just build anger within me. I know and remember very well how i would get angry when i saw the person that hurt me. This went on for so long and eventually i ended up not even talking to that person which did not make things any easy for me. Instead i would try so hard on my part to be happy around that person and that really drained me alot emotionally. I actually agree with you everything that i have rwad actually happens.resentment can kill you slowly if you do not take care its like a slow poison it crushes you bit by bit. A few years ago a friend of mine really hurt me and i just couldn't deal with that pain at that time so i kept it all inside little did i know that i was building up resentment within me. I couldn't stand being in the same room i just felt like always walking away whenever they would walk into the room. But as long as i kept the hurt inside i was never going to be the same. So i approched her and told her that what she told me made me very sad and that it hurt my feelings. It felt good to finally talk about it but that did not make me get any closer than i was to her. My friemdship towards her changed and i have nevwr been close to her wvwr since. Thats what resentment does to you it can cost you your friemds, family and even relatives so just talk about your emotions and save your relationships.