Online Dating … Be Very Careful

I joined a few dating sites as part of a research project.   I didn’t use my real name but did use facts.

I had a long list to fill out,  and assumed that there would be serious matching going on.

The site tossed up a number of “matches“.  I put the word in italics because …  well imagine a lawyer matched with a toll booth operator and you’ll get the image I am trying to convey.

Nevertheless I strode into the fray.

I will divide my matches in;  Obsessive,  Tricksters, and Repulsive.

Now let me clue you;  I had created a new email account for my ‘dates’ .   This was to protect my real email accounts.

This email account was jammed with emails, sent maybe ten minutes apart from the Obsessives.

Then there were the tricksters who wanted an all expense paid vacation in my house.

There were also the usual Nigerian scammers.  These I was able to get rid of after first contact.

(Jamaicans are the Usain Bolts when it comes to scammers. Nigeria doesn’t get to 6th place).

The repulsives were sending images which I didn’t open after the first.   After that my set response became; “The last time I saw something that size I was changing a diaper.”

Having so many bad experiences before I even saw these people eye to eye, I could comprehend how a person, who really believed this site was matching them to their soul mates could be taken for a very long and unpleasant ride.

My foot up on the ladder was that I was an ‘observer’.  I joined not to find my soul mate but to research.  Hence as I was more than ‘arm’s length’ away, I could easily see the tricks.

For the purposes of the research I implemented a few strategies of my own.

I would write intelligent 200 word posts about current events or my likes or sports, etc.

From many of the scammers I would get a response which proved they hadn’t read a word and were trying to move the ‘relationship’ to the all expense paid vacation.

I would then write very boring posts;  “I went to buy tomatoes today and the price was ridiculous.  We grow tomatoes.  How can the price be this high?”

Some would write back and I’d post a similar ‘engrossing’ answer and they would stop writing.

Others would keep writing and demand I go to messenger.

In short, I had a very unpleasant and unproductive time on the dating sites.

However, my tips;

1. Don’t use your real name, your real email address or your real home address.

When it comes to home, not even your city, unless it is very big.

Let me terrify you a moment.

There are sites where I can enter your name and get your exact address and phone number.  (As well as other facts).

If you use your real name and I know what country you are in, I might also be able to find you.

For example, I might enter into a nice discussion and ask a few easy questions to pin point your city.  That would help me to reach your door.

I might be a murderer, a rapist, a crazy, and I reach your door.  I know what you look like, (if you posted a picture) I might even know your car, if you discussed it with me.

How do you know, for a fact I am a 25 year old accountant? Because I said so?  This photo, how do you know it is me?  Because I said so?

If you use a false name and don’t admit your city, it is far more difficult for me to find you.

Yes, I can find your I.P. and know, in general where you are,  and if we have had discussions on various topics, I might know that every Tuesday you go to a particular gym.  Or play chess,  or shop at that supermarket.

So keeping as many curtains between you and the potential date is vital.

If things move to an actual meeting, have it done during the day in a public place with your friends in shouting distance.

Anything that freaks you out, go with it.  You own this person nothing, so if he is making you nervous, you can get up and go.

But don’t go home.  For he might follow.  Go somewhere that has other exits so that in case he follows you, you can leave a false trial, go out another door and get away.

If you do it right, ‘I have to go to the bathroom…’  “I’m going out for a smoke…”   “I have to take this call…”  and run away, you are pretty likely to escape.

Maybe in early days people joined dating sites out of curiosity.   They wanted to see what a computer could do.  They might really have been 25 year old accountants who looked that good.

But today?

It is more likely that wonderful man you are in love with is not from Los Angeles but Lagos, and he isn’t asking you for money because his mother needs an operation.