Measured Response to Rude People

Many things are not random.   You might want to think they are, you might feel you are being paranoid if you recognise them as deliberate.   But elements of insulting behaviour are random.

Most are practiced because the actor has serious inferiority issues and takes it as a triumph to insult or demean. To illustrate, I’m going to target a woman I’ll call Louise.

Here is a snap shot of some of her actions.

Scene I

I am talking to Zack and she comes up and pushes herself into the conversation.  That we are talking can not be unseen, can not be unheard, and instead of waiting to be noticed, introduced or for there to be a pause, she starts to speak.

Scene II

She asks Richard about his father’s death, and as he hesitantly begins to speak, getting out that first painful sentence, she shouts across the room at someone passing; “Alan!  I haven’t seen you for so long!”

Scene III

She is sitting in Stephen’s car, her seat is pushed so far back that sitting behind her is impossible.  She begins to talk in an “I – I -I…” manner, doing a monologue for ten miles.  No one is interested, Stephen can’t say a word to me, nor I to him.

Scene IV

Jen is speaking to David,  it is a private conversation.   Louise walks up and starts to ask; “What?” Jen says nothing. David says nothing.   She continues to stand there, virtually begging them to tell her it is a private conversation.

Accidental?

Louise is a very rude and insulting person who no one likes.   She relishes this because it makes her important. Or so she feels.  She has a sense of ‘power’ over others.

When she sees people talking, she will immediately ‘but in’.   This is not random nor accidental, nor a sign of interest.  This is a kind of ‘attack’ on her ‘subject’,  that is, in Scene I her purpose is to say; “You would rather talk to me than to….”

When she knows someone is vulnerable she asks a question so as to expose their pain and virtually ridicule it. There was no reason, as in Scene II to ask Richard about his father’s death.  She did it so as to pull his feelings out and grind them into dust by pointlessly calling across to another.  This is to show Richard how meaningless he is.

In Scene III she needed to dominate those forced to be around her and prevent any form of social connection, so kept her monologue rolling.

In Scene IV  it was another of Louise’s attention needs so as to interrupt a private conversation as if she has some right to be included.

DEALING WITH 

When one encounters people like Louise, basic strategies are to be implemented.

In Scene I what I did was, as she opened her mouth, I walked away.   Walking away is always wise.  One makes a physical ‘statement’ of disinterest.

In Scene II, Richard ought never have opened himself.   Having done so, having experienced the rudeness he is to cease to speak to her, and begin a conversation to someone else.

Scene II is a very common occurrence.  You are talking, the person you think you are talking to speaks to someone else.  Teach yourself to instantly stop speaking, even mid-word, and walk away.   This is a behaviour you must learn and practice.  Walk away.  Do not continue speaking, do not assume that the person you are speaking to will ‘get back to you.’   If you are talking and their phone rings or they start to call or text, stop speaking mid word if necessary and walk away.   If they say anything to you, toss, “I have to go…” and keep going.

In Scene III your best response is to make a phone call, text, read a newspaper, do anything to ignore.  This poisons the attention Louise thinks she is getting.

In Scene IV where Louise attempts to push into a private conversation, falling silent is the first step.  If she doesn’t take the hint, the speakers are to move away from her.   If she follows, she can be told the conversation is private, as if she didn’t know.

There are many rude people in this world.  They are rude deliberately.