When Sonia’s marriage collapsed, she spent awhile crying her guts out. Then she stopped. She said, “I have a Second Chance.”
She did a ‘reboot’ and went back to being 19 although she was 25. She returned to college. She made friends, she did silly things, and in just a few months she was happy and free.
When Elliot’s marriage collapsed, he focused on divorce. Giving his wife as little as possible, fighting against her demands for full custody. He spent so much time/ money/effort on his divorce it took over his life.
Two years after the bloody divorce his life is still rags and remnants and all the dreams he had are gone. He just works to survive, having had to grab what he could. He can’t get rid of the pressure of his ex-wife. His children are used not interventions.
The difference between Sonia and Elliot is not in the event, but how they dealt with it.
Had Sonia made the divorce the centrepiece of her life, arguing over the gold fish, she’d never be able to become who she is today. She’d be like Elliot, stuck.
Had Elliot let his wife do what she wanted, and work on his own singularity until he could face the situation, he wouldn’t be stuck where he is now.
It is not that one pretends or lies to themselves, it is that one views an event in the way it will do them the most benefit.
Sonia saw her divorce as a ‘replay’. She’d go back to who she was the day before she met her Ex and work up from there, giving herself new experiences and memories.
Elliot saw his divorce as this huge wall he had to climb and never moved from the moment his marriage collapsed.
The secret in dealing with those bad events in life is how you deal with them.
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Wow I really enjoyed reading this topic. Marriage plays a big role in our lifes.its great to have that one love forever.but must a say it takes to too make a relationship not one. Your husband or wife is suppose to be your partner in everything. You want always agree with everything but you must learn to listen and understand your partner. Your partner is suppose to be your best friend at the same time. If you don't show any effort that your trying at all then yes that can ruin EVERYTHING. You gotta show you care and give each other a chance. Don't set boundaries that you know are impossible or one of the other will eventually get tired and start pulling away. Show each other that you care and wanna make the best out of every situation.