boy crying taken by pixabay
I was at the funeral for friend. He’d grown up during World War II, went to all the best schools, had joined the British Service, was posted to Jamaica. He married and had a son.
That son grew up to be a pompous worthless helpless child. A man who lived with Mommy and Daddy, never married, and always expected Daddy to help him in life.
Daddy tried. Got him jobs which he lost due to his imperious style and lack of ability. Got him jobs he lost because he had an inflated sense of himself, and would speak down to his employers. Daddy helped him start a business which he lost, along with a fortune. And Daddy died.
At the funeral this 48 year old infant cried like a baby, because Daddy was no longer there to take care of him.
Although I truly admired and liked my friend, I had to condemn his ‘child rearing’ practices. For the point is not to raise children, it is to raise an adult. A person who can stand on his own two feet.
The point is to create a person; to discipline, to force them to use their own judgment, to be able to take care of themselves. This is a process. It begins with early toilet training, goes into weaning so a child can feed him/herself, and moves to the point where the child gets that slap when s/he deserves it until a mere glance can shout; “This behaviour is NOT acceptable.”
The child raised to be independent, so that s/he develops the ability to make decisions for him/herself, and then, present them to you, so you can see the process they followed.
The child who can, at eighteen, leave home and be successful, so that they don’t ‘Need’ Mommy and Daddy to get them jobs, or set up their business, or take care of them.
Here we stand at the funeral. The Forty Eight year old infant is crying. It is not just because Daddy died, it is because who will look after him now? Who will run his business? Who will get him a job? Who will buy him a pair of shoes.
Mommy is not able to do this. Mommy has never agreed with Daddy. So how will this infant of forty eight survive?
I left the funeral feeling dislocated, for I mourned the loss of my friend, not the loss of my caretaker as the son did.
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It's so sad that now, he will be on his own and I hope the mother will train him already to be independent before she also leaves this world.
I am happy that we were able to raise our only child, now a 26-year-old ladydoctor, specializing in General Surgery, to be independent as early as when she went to high school.
We didn't pamper her with a lot of things, but we pamper her with good teachings necessary for equipping herself to be independent.
She grew up so independent, that I cannot feel at times that my guidance isn't needed anymore.
Exactly!! The reason she is successful is because of the independence. She knew she had to make it on her own, and she did. I know my children don't 'Need' me. They can manage without me. And I am proud of that.
Raising a child is the most difficult thing to deal with parents. However, the parents should always bear in mind to teach their children to be independent. As what you had described, it is not healthy to spoil a child and spoon feed them. This will not help the child to explore what's really in store for them if the parents are there to do things. Let the child grow to be an independent individual and be someone in the society. It is not always a bed of roses for them to be in parents' shadow.
To raise a child who can leave home and be successful, that is the greatest parenting. You can't raise a child who needs you, who will always need you... will always be a child.