The biggest mistake you can accomplish in life is to make another person the centre of your existence.
Whether this Other is a parent, a spouse or a child, to invest your life in some one else’s existence always ends badly.
If you ‘live’ for someone, when they die, so do you. But further, if they leave you, what happens next? You are still alive, but that person has taken your life.
Many parents ‘live through their children’ which puts too much burden on the child. Children want to try things, they want to be independent, but if a parent holds them back….?
Miriam was devoted to her husband, Abe. He was her ‘soul mate’. There was a period of unrest in her country and she was sent to another city to be safe. She received one letter from her husband, and then no more. She thought he might be dead, but kept believing he was not.
When the unrest ended, Miriam began to search for her husband. She travelled, she suffered deprivations. After three years, Miriam found him. He was living with another woman who had a child for him.
She had spent the five years of their marriage and three years of her searching, holding him as the centre of her life.
Now what does she do?
Eric lived for his son. After his wife died it was just him and Bobby. He played ball with Bobby, helped him with his homework. Everything was for Bobby. Eric passed up promotions because it would take away time he could spend with Bobby. Eric lost opportunities because they would interfere with his time with Bobby.
Bobby decided he wanted to go to a University thousands of miles away. Eric wanted him to stay in the city. Bobby refused. Eric said that if Bobby would go, he’d sell the house and buy another one there.
That is when Bobby told him; “I’m going away from you, Dad. You stifle me. I can’t breathe when you are around. I want my own life.”
Eric had nothing else in his life but Bobby. And Bobby wanted a life.
These two events can not be slapped aside as if they are aberrations. They are not. There are many stories like these, from all over the world. That is because no one in a relationship seems to recall that each person has their own mind, their own path.
If your path and their path runs parallel then you can walk side by side. But if you leave your path, to go onto another’s path, don’t be surprised when there is a sudden divergence and you are alone on someone else’s path.
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You can give and show someone all your love and still have your own mind set. You should never love to the point were you can't think for yourself. Yes this happens to people all over the world. You have to love and have space at the same time do your thinking yourself. Just share your opinion on what you were thinking about but never let someone fully have control over your mind and body. It's not healthy at all. It can even cause bad event's to happen in the Long run.
I had a friend wsh. She was in love. She loved just a lil. To hard.nothing was never about herself it was always about him. She didn't even think for herself. This was for every situation,when it came to her clothes,what they were eating that night, where she went even who she called. To her it seemed normal because in her mind she couldn't focus without him. It's like that was the only person who existed. This was real bad for her because she no longer had a life. She never went anywhere did anything. Stop dressing up because she was worried bout what he would say and what he would think. She didn't even work because he didn't want her to. He still had a life did what he wanted.was able to go out and about. Then apparently he ended up falling for someone else. Leaves her after she dedicated her life to him. This caused sever health issues for her it even put her in the hospital for whole week. Couldn't eat or sleep. He was her life and he took it away.it put stress on her heart and mind she even lost all her weight. It's like she was no longer here. Her Mind was gone.nothing existed anymore, her only exists was him. I had to find out through her mother she was even in the hospital because for months I hadn't heard from her because she cut everyone off for him. So there she was in the hospital bad healthy mentally and physically. No friends(I'm still here of course) and no job.
This don't only happen with bf GF relationships and marriages this happens with family to.itll cause bad greif. Not healthy at all. So love hard keep a wall up at the sametime. Still have your own life don't make someone your life.
Perfectly put. As in the example of Bobby and his father. The father tried to live through his son, who wanted his own life. As with your GF... I have seen it many times. And the man just gets to the point he escapes because he can't breathe for both of them.