How To Avoid Abusive Relationships

In a previous article I mentioned how to tell an abuser before the abuse starts.  I broke it up into advice for women and advice for men.

For Women

In my first item I mentioned how Abusers hide themselves by pretending to be weak and needful.   How a man will beguile a woman into thinking he is ‘harmless’ until she succumbs and he gains the upper hand.

Most often men who turn into abusers begin as  the Puppy with the Hurt Paw.  Don’t think of him as helpless or needy, think of him as trying to fool you into thinking he is weak.

Watch him carefully.   See if he tries to fill your your life.  See if he demands all of your attention.

See if you find yourself feeling sorry for him and do things for him you really wouldn’t do for an equal.

When he begins to talk about love see what happens if you  attempt to end the relationship.

If he becomes angry, insulting, almost psycho, you know who he is.  Listen to the words he uses, the tone, his animosity.   He will sounds more like a rabid wolf than a hurt puppy.

This t is because he always was a rabid wolf.  He always was as violent and abusive as he betrays when you try to escape.

Write it down if you think you’ll forget; anyone who seems a ‘pathetic loser‘ should be avoided, because real pathetic losers don’t advertise.

Any man who acts as if he needs you, can’t live without you, loves you beyond reason in those early stages where he barely knows you, is a potential abuser.

For Men

There are two types of abusive women, the C.E.O,  who pays the bills and controls his life, and the Lemur Lady, the woman who pretends to be submissive.

In the first case, the man will not mind that she pays the bills, that she tells him what to do.  Over time he will find that he must obey her. He must repeat her views. He must do what she wants.

If tries to exert himself she will jerk the rug out from under him.  She will cut off the funds, leave him high and dry, often far from home.   Often with nothing in his pockets.

He will then realise that he is a ‘kept’ man and until he kind find his way out he is stuck.

Long before that happens the man must note that the woman is paying for everything, is making all the decisions.   That the man is becoming accustomed to her world. That is the time to end the relationship, not look forward to what one could get.

With a Lemur Lady 

Learn that silence is not consent it is contempt.  Learn that the reason she never argues is because she is not listening or caring what you are saying.  That she has her own plans and ideas.

Be very alert to the fact that she does things deliberately.   It is not an accident, it is not mistake.   If she does not want something, it will not happen.

Be alert and get out before you can’t.