How parents divorce affect children.

Many children react to the parents’ divorce as to the strongest stress. In particular, the strongest they suffer at first weeks and months: deteriorating their health, comes aggression, apathy, decreasing ability to learn and worsen relationships with friends. It seems for the child that the whole world is collapsing around him, he no longer feel safe.

I believe, everything depends on the parents. If you do not try your child to turn against your spouse, but will pay attention and take care about him regardless of the disagreements between you and your spouse, a child will be convinced how importance he is for both of you and a sense of security will be back.

When a final decision for the divorce is made, it is important to tell your child about it. This means that not only lay out the fact, but to give a child the opportunity to ask his questions. Everyone has such a right, because the changes of family life affect all family members, regardless of their age.

The first task of parents is to explain the child so that he understands that different than mom and dad, and husband and wife. At this moment it is very difficult to choose the right words. You should speak as neutral as possible. You cannot slap a dry phrase that mom and father do not love each other anymore, because the child can think that one day you may also stop loving him.

Speak to him that even before he was born you were a couple and very loved each other and wanted that your child would be born out of the love. This fact is very important; a child needs to know that he was very welcome. But today you do not love each other so much that you could continue to live together. That you are not happy together, so you want to be divorced, just because you cannot find another way out. But you always will be his parents, will meet with him, will love, take care and support him.

It is possible that after these words will follow your child’s tears, anger and even aggression. It is normal. It is difficult for kids to express their feelings in words, tears help more, so sadness and pain should be able to get out.

It is possible that after a while the child starts to question why parents took such a decision, what was a reason of their anger and divorce. Do you need to go into details? I think, no. Divorce is accompanied by tension, anger, conflicts, grievances, thus explaining the details for the child unintentionally you can start complain about your partner. Laid upon such information at the same time you as if encourage him to compare, dad or mom is better. The child painfully reacts to such things. He cannot choose, because he loves both parents and takes their advantages and disadvantages as his own.

Be prepared that he will return again and again to the unpleasant topic. Do not be angry on him and do not avoid conversation. After all, you probably presage about an impending divorce, I guess you had time

to unload your emotions, to cry and talk thing out on the shoulders of relatives. And for your child, this story has just begun. He also needs to understand and accept what has happened. So, to the tenth the same question, why you are no longer living together better answer patiently, as you answered the previous nine times. If you are going through a painful divorce, and it is difficult to talk about it, explain it to the child and ask someone from relatives to talk with him. The person not affected directly by divorce’s conflict at this difficult period will help more.

During this period, a child as never needs parental attention and their presence near him. It is important that he understands what is happening and not feel guilty. But more importantly that he would feel safe. Calm him every time, as soon as he starts to worry. Try to give him more time, play and go for a walk together, just be near him. And it must do both of you, regardless of whether you live in one house or no longer live. When left alone with his thoughts a child starts to worry, will appear a fear. The more he will think, the worse everything will look for him. Therefore, take care about him, answer all the questions, because now the uncertainty most frighten him.

The child must be given the time to feel sad for the life, which was and is no longer available. Never comfort him saying that everything could be like before. After all, it does not be so, and he may engages in this illusion and will not be able to run the former life and accept new life. Parents are mistaken thinking themselves the child will feel better if they force themselves after the divorce together meet the New Year, celebrate birthdays or other celebrations. It will not help. On the contrary, these meetings will remind his former life together, and even if he rejoices it, every time at the end of the celebrations he will survive the pain from the new.

If you are truly ready to spend some time with your ex-spouse, it is great. If you meet with him only transfer a child from hand to hand – good as well. The child will see that as in the past he still has two loving parents. But never at a meeting do not start to explain the relationship. To argue for money, time for the meeting with a child or other divorce-related matters you can by phone when child does not hear. These problems of the adult do not have the touch your child.

Partners going through a divorce individually and each of them has their own truth. If you are too much hurt and from all the forces trying to erase the former husband or wife of your life and therefore do not allow him or her to visit a child – take a deep breath and think again. A child does not feel such feelings to his father or mother, they have a very different relationship. And if to live in a marriage because of child does not make sense, to maintain a minimum relationship with the former spouse you just must because of the child. The mother or father did not become a former dad or mom, and no one has the right to deprive him of the opportunity to communicate with any of the parents.

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