Author Posts

July 25, 2018 at 12:38 pm

1. Give her a day to reply
before you send another text
Assume that your message was delivered
successfully. Unless your phone says
otherwise, it’s almost guaranteed that she
received it.
Maybe she just hasn’t seen it yet. Maybe she
did but she’s busy with work, study, or
something else in the real world. Maybe she
is waiting to respond because it’s not her
top priority in the moment. Maybe she’s
playing coy. Or maybe she just became
bored of the conversation.
Regardless of the reason, hitting her up
again within 24 hours almost never yields
good results.
When a woman is talking to a new guy,
she’s cautious about the situation. She wants
to make sure you’re not too intense, needy,
or overly invested.
If she didn’t see the message and you ping
her again, it feels like you’re desperate for a
If she did see the message and is waiting or
choosing not to respond, your follow-up
often reinforces that she shouldn’t reply. It
feels overbearing and like you’ve got nothing
better to do.
I’m not saying to pretend like you’re cool and
aloof. Rather, I want you to put yourself in
the shoes of a confident man with options
who’s not seeking approval. He might think,
“that sucks” when he doesn’t get a reply…but
then he’s going to focus on something else.
He’s going to be productive, hang out with
friends , do something fun for himself, and
talk to other women.
He’s not sitting at home agonizing over the
response time of a girl he barely knows.
2. But don’t wait more than 2-3
days to text again
That said, a lot of guys go the opposite of
intense messaging and instead distance
themselves completely. They decide not to
message for multiple days, weeks, or ever
again — even if this was the first time she
went cold.
One reason guys do this is to avoid
appearing needy and desperate. But as I’ve
said before, neediness comes down to your
mindset . If you genuinely want to connect
with this girl and are pulling away to
manipulate her approval of you — you’re
being needy.
Another reason is that guys feel they put
enough in effort and now it’s the girl’s turn to
respond. I wish the world worked like that.
Some women will reinitiate contact but many
more, even ones that are interested, won’t. If
this is just the first time she’s stopped
responding, there’s no point in playing the
waiting game and potentially missing your
window of opportunity.
Hit her up within a few days and follow the
ideas below for your message.
3. Don’t ask if she got your
last text or talk about the same
I know you might feel lost when reinitiating
with a girl who went quiet. Your natural
inclination may be to double check if she
received your message or repeat the same
For example, perhaps she went silent after
you asked her what she’s doing on Thursday.
You write something like…
“I guess sitting at home and not talking to
anyone then =P” [Making fun of her not
“So what did you end up doing
Thursday?” [Asking her after the fact]
“Not sure if you got my last message but I
was wondering what your plans were for
Thursday?” [Double checking]
These rarely ever work. Even when you think
you’re being sarcastic about her lack of reply,
you’re coming off as passive-aggressive and
This girl stopped responding after your last
message FOR A REASON. Pushing her to
reply to that specific idea or checking on her
like you’re her dad isn’t exciting. It also
makes it feel like you’re hung up on why she
didn’t respond.
4. Don’t immediately invite her
out again
You also don’t want to invite her out as your
first message back to her. This is especially
true if your previous unanswered text was
about trying to setup plans.
She may have not been comfortable enough
or excited enough yet to commit to a date.
You pushing again without addressing those
feelings (through positive emotion, see
below) will often yield another silent
response or no commitment.
It’s better to start with a more casual and
engaging message, have a few texts back
and forth, and then invite her out when she’s
expressing positive emotions. Because if she
went radio silent after your first invitation, you
have to make the second one count.
Women can feel awkward about telling a guy
off twice. They know you’re probably feeling
rejected and frustrated which makes them
feel uncomfortable. In turn, they can pull
back to avoid confrontation or convince
themselves it wasn’t meant to be. Then they
go back to ignoring you or tell you sorry, but
they’re not interested.
So why blow your chances by rushing it?
Sending a couple more playful messages will
shift the vibe and make her feel more secure
about your connection. Here’s how you
should be getting back into conversation:
5. Get the positive emotions
flowing and THEN invite her
As I said earlier, women stop responding for
many reasons. But it usually comes down to
that they’re not excited, invested, or
comfortable enough to meet up with you
(basically a stranger) yet.
A lot of guys think the remedy is to talk
about commonalities and get to know each
other on a deeper level. But women don’t
want that over text — it’s a horrible means
for communication. She can do that on a
date with you.
All she really needs is to FEEL that it’s going
to be a fun, awesome experience meeting up
with you.
If you just start up the conversation with
something bland, logical, or devoid of
emotion — it’s not likely to go anywhere.
This is why messages like, “Hey, how’ve you
been?”, “So did you do well on the test?” fall
flat. They don’t encourage her to open up
and feel something more.
You want her to experience positive emotions
such as enthusiasm, curiosity, playfulness,
passion, and get her laughing her ass off
when she reads your texts. There are
countless ways to do this:
Use more descriptive or emotional
language even when talking about
normal things. Make everyday
conversation more intriguing. Use words
that paint a picture or evoke powerful
“Btw, the new X album blew my
mind, I think I just had an
audiogasm.” vs “Btw, that new X
album is good.”
“I just shook my ass like Shakira at
salsa. Getting into anything exciting
yourself?” vs “I just got back from
salsa class. What are you doing
Add a funny GIF using iMessage/
Whatsapp to enhance your
message. So for example on the
salsa message, you could then
include a GIF of a cat shaking its
body awkwardly.
Share something interesting about
yourself. This could be a situation that
happened to you, an adventure you had,
or an idea/subject you’re passionate
Send a photo of you hiking at a
beautiful lake, at a concert, or in
your new suit. You can attach a
quick note to it like, “I’m coming
for you Daniel Craig.”
“I just spent the last 15 minutes
wondering what my dog was trying
to tell me. I can’t be the only one,
“Yeaaaah, finally got my SCUBA
certification. Feel free to picture me
in my wetsuit.”
Ask a relevant question to her life,
something you’re genuinely curious
about, or just something random/silly.
When someone asks a great question
about a topic we’re passionate about, we
love to talk about it. And fun or thought-
provoking questions surprise and excite
us to continue the dynamic conversation.
“So what inspired your bohemian-
chic style? A memorable trip?”
“You said you love to sketch — can
you draw me like one of your
French girls?”
“What’s your most useless
superhero power?”
If you haven’t noticed, there’s a theme here.
All these messages are concise (1-2
sentences max), lighthearted, and often
contain a joke.
Humor is the quickest way to re-engage a
girl and get her hooked every time she reads
your messages. And if she feels great
chatting with you over text, she won’t be able
to wait to meet up with you in-person.
Don’t wait long to make your move though.
Once she’s responding back a couple times
positively, strike when the iron is hot and
invite her out.
These 5 steps will give you the best chance
of bringing back a dead conversation. But if
you’ve tried all the above more than once
and she still hasn’t responded — it’s time to
focus on someone else whose more excited
to connect with you.