Emotional abuse is usually the first action in any form of victimization. It begins almost unrecognized.
Words may be said or an expression on a face twists, or an action is done, which hurts the proto-victim.
In early days it may be a bit scatter shot, but soon it becomes accurate. The victim will cry. The victim will feel as if the very heart has been torn from the chest.
The pain is real, and the abuser bathes in the pain. The abuser feels triumphant.
This is because the abuser has proven to himself he can hurt the woman he ‘loves’. He ‘wins’.
For example, on a wedding night the husband, lying in bed with his wife says; “I should of married your sister.”
How is the bride to feel?
It comes out of no where, it hurts, because it is said with a ring of honesty.
He uses the last tea bag, knowing the wife doesn’t like coffee and acting as if he doesn’t know or care or ‘so what?’
He may simply leave the house without explanation, or in public may silently walk away and leaves his victim as if it is a matter of unimportance.
When she responds, he has an opening to twist the knife and insult her, hurt her, get those tears he so desires.
To hurt her proves she cares about him. This gives him a weapon he can use.
In some cases, it never ends.
The wife is always hurt, and so accepts his decrees she never can retaliate. She never reaches the shrug the shoulder’s level or tosses back a barb.
But this is rare.
In most cases, the wife become immune to it, makes contingency plans.
When this happens, when the emotional abuse doesn’t work any more the abuser has to step up the program. He has to segregate her from everyone and everything so that he is the only input.
The victim, who has lived through the early emotional abuse has lost a good chunk of her connection to her husband and can ‘read’ him.
She knows why he is doing this, and knows how to counter it.
It may take days, weeks, months, years for the victim to catch on to the emotional manipulations. But when she does she will be subjected to the next level, that is intellectual abuse.
It is trying to make the wife believe she is stupid, she needs him to make her decisions, to give her opinions.
Some wives leave before the emotional abuse completes. Some leave before he can end her relationship with her friends and family.
But most don’t leave.
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Emotional abuse is the worst thing that anybody would do to another. It hurts pretty bad and can cause a lot of harm to the victim. Most abusers do these things to people who are either vulnerable or people who appear to be humble. They feel in control when they say or do hurtful things to others. That gives them the strength to go on and on to abuse their victims. It's so unfortunate that this happens with people who are so humble.
Emotional abuse is often more psychologically harmful than physical abuse, as victims are more likely to blame themselves. The road to recovery from emotional abuse is a long one, but the first step is to recognize an emotionally abusive relationship and get out.
You can say that you are emotionally abused if:
Your partner constantly embarrasses you on purpose in front of other people.
Your partner criticizes everything that you do, constantly points out your flaws and makes you feel like you can’t do anything right.
Your partner tells mean, inappropriate and demeaning jokes, with you as the punch line.
Your partner tries to control every move you make and every word you say.
Your partner constantly reminds you of your failures and flaws, eager to make sure you know “what’s wrong with you.”