Divorce is full of firsts. I have always been very active in my children’s lives. Always the one there for every event and every first. I cared for them when they were sick and celebrated every happy moment. I chauffeured them to all the rodeos, football games, football practices, play days, volley ball practices and volleyball games. All the doctors’ appointments, hospital visits and making appointments for specialists.
However, I now find myself experiencing even more firsts. Not having them by my side at every family event because it’s their weekend at Dads. Missing them on 4th of July when we visited every local firework show and now they are at their Dads and he is enjoying their smiling faces while they watch the fireworks.
I find myself sitting here writing this awaiting their excited voices when they call me on the phone to tell me all about how much fun they have had watching fireworks. How much they miss me and don’t fully understand why I’m not their like I have always been.
Trying to make them understand that mom is still there without actually being there. I sit here close to tears thinking about all the little things I miss while they are at their Dads. Small things that I have always taken for granted. Little things they will never know that I miss so terribly while they are gone. I hold my breath and await the day they come home. Rushing through the door with their beautiful smiling faces and spend the next few hours until bedtime telling me about all the fun they had. All the little things I missed. And they tell me a million times “Mom, I love you!”. All the “Mom, I missed you!”.
I have faced a lot of changes and made a lot of sacrifices for my kids. Maybe, one day they will understand how much it hurts me to miss them so badly and sit here and torment myself with all the small details of things I am missing out on. Until then I will enjoy every second that I have with them until they leave again to go spend time with their Dad.
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I can feel your sentiment. Mothers have always the feeling of missing their children. I can see my mom in your writings. She did a lot of things but her children on the top list. The love of a mother is so strong that it can break a man with fierce. I am sure your children know that you love them so much. Thank you for sharing your life here. Mothers out here will have mutual feelings about your present situation. Keep smiling! :-)