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Although I am using the father of a famous celebrity as the Template, her story is common. It is not her story alone. It is the story of hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions of girls who have had incredible difficulty dealing with their parent’s divorce.
Girls sometimes respond to the father’s infidelity in peculiar and unhelpful ways. Many seem to believe it was their mother’s fault that their father was unfaithful. In their minds their father never would have left ‘her’ if she was the ‘wife’.
These girls, in many cases, no matter how bad their fathers might be, will, unless he physically or mentally abuses them, ‘worship’ their fathers.
The father may have contributed zero to their upbringing, may have put every single gal he dealt with before her, may have only noticed her on occasion, while her mother did all the sacrificing and hard work. Yet, these girls will resent their mothers, and hold their fathers as ‘the best Dad in the World.’
They will grow up and start to search for surrogates. They will usually chose men who resemble their father. They will often go after married men to ‘prove’ they are ‘better than their mother’.
Some of these girls ‘catch on’ to what they are doing and may pull back. They will still hold their father as ‘The Best Dad’ and their mother as ‘Nothing’ but will not enact the ‘other woman role’; that is they will not go after married men, only unattached me who remind them of their fathers.
These women never lose the resentment they have for their mothers but live fairly normal lives. Many do not confront the fact that they ‘hate’ their mother. They will go on as if everything is normal and often transfer the ‘mother love’ to the husband’s mother or some other female relative.
Then there are the pitiful lot which do not realise what they are ‘acting out’. These women focus on married men who resemble their father. These men ‘become’ their father in their minds. They capture him to ‘prove’ that Daddy would never have left if she was the wife.
The marriages, in these cases, always fall apart, because at some point the fact he isn’t her Daddy, she hasn’t ‘won’ anything, and doe not feel fulfilled.
These women often have nervous breakdowns, self harm, try to commit suicide, and try to over mother any child they have.
Their daughters will dislike her as the mother will focus on the boys who are discomforted by her over attention contra the under attention given to the girls.
The divorce of this woman does not have much of an impact on her children because they rarely bond with the man, (whether he is their biological father or not). The boys may fixate on her, because she will often make them the centre of her life, next to the man she is with, or between men. Often the boys grow up resenting the man their mother is with; which of course leads to other problems.
If parents, and more importantly, children, need to analyse their relationship to each other. The parents need to focus on how the children see the divorce. Yes, the unfaithful husband usually couldn’t care less about the children, but the mother should not mention him at all.
The children should examine how they feel about their parents, jointly and separately.
There is no quick fix, there is no path to wholeness, there is only recognition.
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Divorce is nothing but lack of spiritual understand between the two lovers or between the husband and wife. The main cause of divorce is negative intention and in search of new partner is the basis cause but children are faultless in matter.
God does not like it but the marriage bases on money and greed of money fails in practical life and the marriage bases on positive intention get success in practical life. Jane Austin has written on a novel Pride and Prejudice.
In the broader sense it the flaw of character and nothing else. A weak character person cannot sustain marriage in difficult time due to weak intention. I have written a full article on it on LB. those who are serious in making their marriages strong are those who give death to their emotions and accept the situation in which they live with children, husband and families.
Love marriage base is emotion and not reason that is why the marriages fail because emotions change according to situation and marriage circle changes automatically in practical life. I think, after marriage man and woman must not search any other person for friendship or love purpose because love and friendship change emotions cause divorce.
Many marriages should not have happened in the first place. People get married for the wrong reasons, or don't being to understand the obligations of marriage. The husband has no intention of being faithful, so has his girl friends. The wife, obviously, objects, and so the parties break apart.
Congrats my friend, yay, at long last your long awaited moment finally came. A child has nothing to say when marriage is broken except to cry and show rebellious action.That is worst as a nightmare breaking the vow in the altar of the holy matrimony. Will there be no way to repair a broken marriage? If the cause is at its extreme like cheating, the feeling of the victim wife or husband cannot be controlled. It is better that way than to see any of their presence with each others blood that keep on soaring due to anger. Better that way, or else one of them becomes a criminal.
It is so true that the children will be much affected. They will surely feel insecure and may be the cause of their depression.So many children landed in the mental hospital because of trauma. Why must love go that way. Why can't a wife or husband resist temptation.They are not crazy. They are not morons,perhaps the feeling runs dry because of the absence of love.
Love must also be cherished n each others heart,if not ,love will slowly fly on the window.Those who marry young are usually the victims of the so called force marriage thereby overthought abut the consequence of marrying young.they are not yet so sure if they are meant for each other.It is not good to marry young and marry the person you just met shortly,you get to know each other better,Let love grow deeper and deeper before setting the final decision to marry.
Since divorce is legal abroad, so no choice, but to accept by signing the divorce papers. Amen to the end of the marriage.
It is very sad because so many things are happening at the divorce that few people consider the children. In some cases the damage to the children is extensive.
The divorce will definitely tell upon the behavior of the children. They feel insecure and sometimes they even commit suicide in the absence of proper care The loss they undergo is immeasurable. They will feel isolated in the world and develop an attitude of revenge either against the mother or against the father. They can not express their feeling freely before others. They remain calm and start learning lies. They are denied the affection of their father and mother equally They generally seek the same from the grand old people They move freely with them and start hating their parents To some extent it is better If there are no grandparents the problem becomes totally weird.
The parents before taking a decision of divorce should think about the future of their children and should avoid it as far as possible. The old people should interfere and convince them to live separately along with their children and enjoy the fruit and sweetness of family life.
unfortunately, nowadays this is not taking place. the parents after performing the marriage of their daughter try to involve in her family life and start eating her ear on each and every moment of her family life They discuss her in-laws They advise her to get relief of their in-laws and live separately. They do not teach her how to adjust with her in-laws who are the parents of her husband.
when the girl succeeds in driving the in-laws out of her home the parents come and slowly occupy the position of in-laws without any shame. Unfortunately, the son instead of showing respect to his parents will be quite obedient to his in-laws and becomes a slave finally.
If any dispute arises between husband and wife the parents instead of making a compromise between the two the parents seek a good opportunity in separating them. All the morals and ethics are thrown to the wind. They do not even think about the future of the small kids and openly support their daughter shamelessly staying in the house of their son-in-law This is happening in many of the families nowadays.
In the case of husband being unfaithful as pointed in your blog, the ladies are not lagging behind They too are becoming unfaithful to their husbands and finally, material relationships are taking place in many of the families in our so-called cultured society The divorce also becomes common. In these cases, the end result will be a big zero and the very meaning of marriage has lost its significance.
This ultimately results in relationships where no one can be anything to other.
The best example is the SHEENA BORA MURDER CASE A very heinous and totally absurd relationship which ultimately resulted in the murder of a daughter by her own mother. This also leads to a love affair between a brother and sister. This is one of the worst cases which reflects the degradation of human values and ethics of married life The case also tells how the marriage has lost its significance in the Indian society.
These horrible results are not as uncommon as people believe. Many children can not deal with the situation, and there seems no method implemented to recognise this.