A Letter To My Boyfriend

How ive been feeling lately?

Well, I don’t flirt or delete convos or hide things. I don’t do anything that would possibly ruin what I have. I am just a simple girl, who treats my relationship with loyalty, honesty and respect. I just expect the same in return. I feel like I’m in competition with your chick friends who are like “sisters” or “basically your best friend” or the ones who have always been “really good friends”. Yes, you still come home to me but I don’t feel like I get the same kind of attention that they receive from you. You’ll ask them how they are doing, and you feel like you HAVE to be the one whos always there and comfort them and try and solve their problems, but what about me? what about how I’m doing? Or how I’m feeling? what about us? what about how were doing? what about our problems? Your always there for them and make an effort to ask about their day or go see them when I barely get to see you as it is. I feel like I’m sharing you. I feel like I’m sharing my heart. I’m having to struggle just to get your attention. I don’t ever have it fully. I feel like you are more worried about saving your “sisters” or your “bffs” rather than me. What if I need you? What if I’m the one who needs saving? I try and talk to you, and you hear me but you don’t actually listen. You don’t hear how depressed I am because of all of this, you don’t really hear how much I actually miss you because it has basically become just a routine for you, you don’t hear how lonely I’ve been even when your home because it doesn’t feel like you are here even when you are. We haven’t gone on an actual date since we started our relationship. You make more of an effort for these girls than you do with your own girl and I don’t know how to react anymore. I don’t feel like you even want to be here with me anymore because you are just always gone. The only time I get alone time with you anymore is when we go to sleep. I don’t feel like I’m good enough for you anymore. I don’t feel like I’m pretty enough, or thin enough, or funny enough, or smart enough. I just don’t feel like I should anymore. Maybe its the hormones, or maybe its just me. I just know I shouldn’t be feeling like this and I don’t know how to fix it. Do you even want to marry me? or are you just saying it because you don’t want to spend the time to look for someone better and I’m better than nothing? You wanna know how I feel, this is it. This is how I can put it all into one piece to be able to make any kind of sense to you.