REINFORCEMENT compels us to ask the question “when was the last time you
rewarded the internal child for something the child did that pleased the parent?” Too
many times the only instances in which the internal parent talks to the child is when the
child has displeased the parent. Still in other instances the child is never able to
completely please the parent. The parent responds to the child’s performances with a
“not bad, but it could have been better” attitude. Such an attitude usually leads to the
child either dropping out or over achieve in an attempt to please the parent. Take a
moment to consider how you could more consistently build in rewards for the child.
You’ll find that it goes along ways to producing that desired motivation.
EXTINCTION asks that important question “Do I ever reward my inner child for doing
something I want him/her to quit doing?” In other words “Am I too permissive with my
inner child?” When the child does something I’m wanting to quit, do I reward the child
by continuing to do whatever we would have done if he/she hadn’t done it?” If you were
sitting in my counseling office, we would explore this question. However, without that
opportunity, you must explore this area for yourself. However, some of my clients have
told me that they have discovered that when the internal child “disobeyed,” the internal
parent felt so badly that they would go to a party just to feel better thus actually
rewarding the child for inappropriate behavior. In other words, no matter how the child
behaved nothing changed. This only reinforces undesirable behavior.
NATURAL CONSEQUENCES are usually a part of everything we do. However,
sometimes as a parent we don’t allow our child to experience the natural consequences
of that behavior. The most common method of doing that with the internal child is to
use alcohol, some other drug, sex, or even work to deaden the feelings of the pain that
could change the behavior of the internal child. By anesthetizing the pain, we dilute its
power to change the child’s undesirable behavior.
LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES can be imposed by the internal parent when the natural
consequences might completely destroy the internal child. The question to ask is
“When the internal child disobeys, are there any consequences to his/her behavior?”
Sometimes this is the removal of something that the child really wants to do. Have you
ever used this method of disciplining yourself?
PHYSICAL SPANKING is difficult to translate into the internal realm of the internal
parent/child relationship. However, at times I have verbally spanked my internal child.
As in physically spanking my child, I must be careful not to cross that line into child
abuse so to must I also be careful that in verbally spanking my child I don’t verbally
abuse my child. Belittling, name calling, and making the internal child feel worthless will
only demotivate and prove to be counterproductive to inner drive.IMITATION causes me
to ask if I am spending time with people who are also filled with inner drive. Time and
time again I find myself learning that I tend to become like those with whom I associate.
If I allow my internal child to be with other demotivated internal children, the process of
becoming internally motivated will be made difficult.
Do you remember the question about childhood discipline that you answered earlier in
the chapter on Secret Two? We will continue to discipline ourselves in the same
manner in which our parents disciplined us unless we stop to evaluate the effectiveness
of the methods they used.
What have you learned about yourself in relation to your own self discipline from
reading this chapter?
What is the Main Cause of a Heart Attack? What is its Solution? A heart attack is the blockage of… Read More
In the vast economic arena, one term that often takes center stage, inciting extensive debates and discussions, is the "debt… Read More
De-Dollarization: The Changing Face of Global Finance The financial landscape is in a state of flux, with an intriguing economic… Read More
The curtains closed on a dramatic Bundesliga season with Bayern Munich standing tall once again, clinching their 11th straight title.… Read More
The Unfolding Story of Celine Dion's Health In recent news that has left fans across the globe stunned, iconic singer… Read More
As the echoes of the recent NBA season start to fade, the attention of enthusiasts is firmly glued to one… Read More
View Comments
I have learned from reading your post that I am guilty of abusing my inner child. When they say that we are our own worst enemy, I have come to realize that this is so much more than just a saying. I feel that I am so much harder on myself than I am with the people around me. That may be because I wouldn't want to make others feel the hurt and pain that I feel.
I couldn't help but feel like maybe you were speaking from experience in your writing. I wasn't certain if you were so familiar with the subject because it's a apart of your career or more so an personal experience. Either way thanks for sharing!