Funny School Jokes:
Q: Why did the student throw his watch out of the
school window?
A: He wanted to see time fly.
Q: Why do they never serve beer at a math
party?
A: Because you can’t drink and derive…
Q: What do you say when you are comforting a
grammar nazi?
A: There, Their, They’re
Q: What’s another name for Santa’s elves?
A: Subordinate Clauses.
Q: Why did the student take a ladder to school?
A: Because he/she was going to high school!
Q: What is Grammar?
A: The difference between knowing your shit,
and knowing you’re shit.
Q: What three candies can you find in every
school?
A: Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
Q: What’s a teacher’s favorite nation?
A: Expla-nation.
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the school
dance?
A: He didn’t have anybody to take. (any BODY)
Q: Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with
the nickel?
A: Because it had more cents.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead
prostitute and school?
A: School still sucks!
Q: What happened to the plant in math class?
A: It grew square roots.
Q: What do you call a laughing jar of
mayonnaise?
A: LMAYO
Q: What is a proof?
A: One-half percent of alcohol.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the moebius strip?
A: To get to the same side.
Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job?
A: Because she couldn’t control her pupils?
Q: What kind of school do you find on a mountain
top?
A: Heights school.
Q: Why couldn’t the moebius strip enroll at the
school?
A: They required an orientation.
Q: How did the geography student drown?
A: His grades were below C-level
Q: What does a mathematician do about
constipation?
A: He works it out with a pencil.
Q: Why is a math book always unhappy?
A: Because it always has lots of problems.
Q: Why don’t you do arithmetic in the jungle?
A: Because if you add 4+4 you get ate!
Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7 8 9
Q: What is a chalkboard’s favorite drink?
A: hot chalk-olate!
Q: What do you get when you mix sulfur,
tungsten, and silver?
A: SWAG
Q: What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
A: Dam!
Q: How does a math professor propose to his
fianc�e?
A: With a polynomial ring!
Q: What’s the longest word in the dictionary?
A: Rubber-band — because it streches.
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the
formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.
Q: How does Juliet maintain a constant body
temperature?
A: Romeostasis
Q: Why don’t farts graduate from high school?
A: Because they always end up getting expelled!
Q: Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon?
A: Because he was a paleontologist.
Q: Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school?
A: Because she sprained her angle!!
Q: What is the most erotic number?
A: 2110593!
Q: Why?
A: When 2 are 1 and don’t pay at10tion, they’ll
know within 5 weeks whether or not, after 9
months, they’ll be 3.
Q: What is the difference between a
mathematician and a philosopher?
A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil,
and a trash bin for his work – the philosopher
can do without the trash bin.
Q: What is non-orientable and lives in the
ocean?
A: Mobius Dick.
Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in
mathematics and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four
Q: How do you call the largest accumulation
point of poles?
A: Warsaw!
Q: What do you call a music teacher with
problems?
A: a trebled man.
Q: How did the Janitor Die?
A: HE Kicked the bucket
Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex
of a chromosome?
A: Pull down its genes.
Q: Did you hear they’re changing the flooring in
daycare centers?
A: They’re calling it infant-tile!
Q: What do you get when you cross Sonic The
Hedgehog and Curious George?
A: 2 Fast 2 Curious
Q: What gets white as it gets dirty?
A: Chalkboard
Q: Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
A: To reach the high notes.
Q: What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
A: The Nucleus
Q: Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
A: They already 8 (ate).
Q: Name a bus you can never enter?
A: A syllabus
Q: What did the mathematician’s parrot say?
A: A poly “no meal”
Q: Why do chemistry professors like to teach
about ammonia?
A: Because it’s basic material.
Q: If H20 is water what is H204?
A: Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming. . .
Q: What did one math book say to the other?
A: Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
School is pointless. English: We speak it. History:
They’re dead. Math: We have calculators.
Spanish: We have Dora.
If school isn’t a place to sleep then home isn’t a
place to study.
I wish school was as easy as half the girls in it.
Wishing your GPA looked like those gas prices.
If teachers are so smart, why are they still in
school?
That awkward moment when an emo kid goes to
McDonald’s and orders a Happy Meal.
Hey Google, why don`t you sit next to me during
my exam?
If sleep is really good for the brain, then why is it
not permitted in school?
If you make a camp to help kids with ADHD, then
is it a concentration camp?
If a picture is worth a thousands words, then
why shouldn’t we judge a book by its cover?
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
My homework brings all the Asians to the yard,
and they’re like, “It wasn’t that hard.”
That awkward moment when you go to a new
school and don’t get a vampire boyfriend.
2 things you can learn in school: Texting without
looking and teamwork on tests.
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