Part X of X Parts
(This is a 10 blog series covering the titled topic. The breaking in small parts are intended to keep the article from being too long or dry. If you like it please continue to read all the blogs of the series before you conclude anything. Share if you think that might help your loved ones. Thanks and happy reading.)
Finally, there is a common complaint by those trying to reform themselves that others are not responding positively as expected. True, others are not supposed to know that you have begun a changing process. Their behaviour continues to be primed through past experiences. They need to be given some time to see the changes that you have brought in your behaviour. The more positive changes in your behaviour, the faster positive changes you would get from others. Though there would always be a time lag. Positive change within oneself does not bring immediate changes in others. There is a lag as others need time to assess and accordingly realign their responses to the changed behavior. During this short period of transition, one has to be patient and hold on to the changed behavior on the face of adversities. Very soon change sets in and the behavior of others, improve.
Before ending, the entire series may be summarized with one good adage – There may be very rare situations when you need to SHOW ANGER, even then there is no place to ACT ON ANGER. It is not a contradiction. Yes, an individual minus a hundred percent anger would make him taken for granted at some rare occasions. There could be select rare occasions when there is a need to SHOW anger. However, it needs to be clearly understood that it pertains to show of anger and not being angry. This difference may not appear immediately to a non-thinking person. Yet it is this difference which finally decides whether you use anger or anger uses you. The key lies in preventing the eruption of anger within oneself even when you pretend anger outside. This is important. Remember when you show anger but not actually be angry, the response is different and effective. On the contrary, when you are angry and act it out, the results would indeed be much worse as it will fuel reaction on the other person and damage your own health and well-being personally. So if you think that anger has been beneficial till now, it is time to recheck your thoughts, beliefs and considerations. A wise man once said that anyone can be angry, that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, for the right reason, for the right time, to the right extent, for the right purpose is not easy.
(This marks the end of the 10 blog series on the titled subject. Thanks for your patient reading. If you have liked it or disliked it please post your valued comments and feedback. Share it if you think it could be of value to someone. Regards…)
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Indeed there is a right time to show our anger. Like for example , when you discover your kid to be a drug addict, ypu will be angry and must show it to your kid. That way, he will know that it is a big No-No to be on drugs.
Then after you have shown your anger, you should compromise with him on how it could be remedied. We should not stay angry at him, but after that be compassionate he fall into such bad habit.
Thanks for the observation Dina. Actually, showing of anger is a punishing response to a situation. A punishing response has adverse side effects and hence can only be used very very sparingly i.e. when physical control of situation becomes extremely important. The normal process of intervention in such situations is deep understanding and empathy only.
Yes. this is truth. One should show anger but never show off angry. But, there is a problem also. If we suppress our anger within it may burst out at anything. Of course, the damage will always be the source but not the target. As you said certain circumstances and situations warrants anger which should not be suppressed at all.
This is also true when we change our attitude and from the state of anger by developing positive thinking the others may not notice it immediately. They need some time to identify the change you brought to you. This requires some patience.
Thanks for the detailed observation. There's no question of suppression of anger. It's all about elimination or non-occurance of anger. Show of anger is not related to occurance of anger. Rather showing anger while being angry would have behavioural issues not helpful in the long run. Show of anger is a conscious decision independent of the overwhelming emotions. Since suppression is damaging, either cooling down or catharsis are the only viable solutions when angry.