Today I learned something that was difficult to chew

but yesterday I was shattered for not knowing.

Earlier today I had questions answered to thing I’ve been curious about. I’ve also had answers to questions I’ve never asked. The chat I had with the one answering my questions was brief. However, I feel that the answers will forever reverberate in my heart. 

I have a new found respect for someone who I’ve always known.  It is quite sad for me to realize that there is no way for me to go to that person now and tell them how much I appreciate them.. How much I hurt for them. The person to whom I refer has passed away, and has been gone for several years.

I learned that she had to make tough decisions in life. I knew she had to make a few tough decisions, but there were some decisions in her life that I never knew about. It saddens me to think of the horror she had to go through in making the decisions she did. Or what she went through when one decision was completely out of her hands. 

Her plight in life was a horrid one. For all the horrors she faced, however, she faced them beautifully. She had her struggles, and her life was not always easy, but she did her best to “grin and bear it.” Oh how I wish I could hug her now and tell her how much I love her. 

Tell her that I am so sorry she had to go through what she did. Even if some of the results were due to her actions. Even if some of the things that happened, she could have avoided. I would hug her and tell her that I love her, and that I am sorry she had to go through those things. 

Today, my heart goes out for the people that are family to me, but to whom I never had the pleasure of knowing. My heart weeps for the missed opportunities. My heart weeps for the loss that wasn’t truly mine…