Education And Parents Expectations From Children

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This is a topic which needs to be discussed in detail at different fora in today’s life and times. When parents try to raise a child especially in our country they have many expectations from them and sometimes these expectations can go overboard. What are the expectations which one can say are going overboard? Well let us discuss  some of them below case by case as each issue is unique so is each child and parent so we do not have straight jacket problems and solutions for these.

When the child is young and is just going to Lower Kindergarten, Upper Kindergarten or in the first class the parents will provide what all is required for the child but they start putting pressure on the child telling him or her that they have to get an A or A+ grade as that is what is good for one in life. So this thought that something below that means life is a waste and does not have any value is being drilled into the mind of the child. While very few are able to cope up with the pressure and rise to the occasion, there are a large chunk of children who would genuinely want to achieve those grades but are unable to do so due to one reason or the other. At this the parents put down the child and tell him or her that they are good for nothing. This has a very negative influence on the child and her or she grows up with low self esteem which affects them for the whole of their lives.

Once the child grows and is somewhere between classes 4 to 10. The child is usually compared with the class topper and told ‘Look at him, how well he is performing’ whereas you useless fellow you eat, play, go to school, have fun, attend birthday parties, but when it comes to studies, what happens to you? Where does that enthusiasm go  and why does it not reflect in your results? What is the point of spending so much money on you and you not delivering results. It is better you sit at home and not go to school and waste money. When this is repeated again and again when every time results come, it has a very bad influence on the child’s psyche and he or she would tend to be depressed, angry, emotional or withdrawn from people which does not help the child or the parents. Who are totally unaware of what harm they are causing to the child.

Parents often have some unfulfilled wish like not being able to learn music or sport or any such activity when they were a child and would want the child to turn their dream into a reality. Obviously the child would genuinely want to see their parent happy and would agree for the same for their sake as he wants to try and the second this is he does not want to hurt the parents, who mean everything to them in their life. When the practice starts and the child for is unable to perform as he or she is not having aptitude for what the parent wants even though he or she wants to try. The child keeps trying its best and finally even after a long time. Things are not working out for obvious reasons the concerned parent gets annoyed and scolds the child and tell them, ‘I had faith in you capabilities and you had it in you to accomplish the same if you tried but you have let me down’. These words pierce the child’s heart and create untold damage to the personality of the child. Which the child will find very difficult to come out of.

In some households the financial situation of the family will not be too good for some genuine reason which is unforeseen. At that time the child who would now be a young adult would be told to go and work as there is no choice as there are too many people to be fed in the family. The youth will be forced to go out for work discontinuing his studies. This has such an effect that this leaves a permanent scar on the mind of the child. The child cannot tell anything as he knows the situation in the family and knows the family will starve if money does not come and he is the only hope. As he is not fully qualified and experienced, he does not get a decent job in the market which he would have been aspiring for. He would still want to study but the money he earns is insufficient to feed the family. So he ends up sacrificing the career he aspired to be by the side of the family. But the money would not suffice and the main member in the house would put more pressure on him to work for more hours as the house needs more money to run. Such pressure on youth has its own problems. It is like ones life going off track and life ends up to be a hand to mouth existence and all aspirations are extinguished in the fire of the present circumstances.

There are some other parents who will treat the child with kid gloves till he in class 5. The moment he or she reaches class six they will suddenly start treating the child as an adult, they will tell the child that he or she has grown up and should behave accordingly. While the child is confused as to what happened in one year which made him an adult. He will be dumped with more responsibilities in school as the portion increases and he will also be given more house work for which he or she is totally unprepared as no counselling or prior information has been given as to why such a thing is being done by the parents. If the parents inform the child this from a year before and prepare him for facing the situation it will be a better scenario both for the child and the parent too. They can always tell that the portion has increased so he should buck up too and he should be doing more things independently as this is the chance to learn. If the child is helped, counselled and guided things will work out better.

A few other  parents  will keep neglecting the child’s education till he reaches class 6 and they see that the child is failing in many subjects regularly in school. This is because the child has not taught things as it has to be done since childhood. So there is no foundation for education and the starts stumbling due to this. Then these parents run in desperation to the best tutors possible for additional and would want to pay good money and expect instant results for their child. This is easier said than don as the child needs time to understand the concepts and lots of time has been wasted in previous years due to neglect. They now pressurize the tutors to do a good job as they are paying well. The parents fail to realize that teaching or imparting education is not the same as withdrawing cash from an ATM which can be done in a jiffy.

Once the child finishes classes 10 many parents have this fancy. They would want their child to be either an engineer or a doctor. They do this as if other professions are useless and the child will have no worth if he does not go to these fields. The reason is that they can tell their son is an engineer or a doctor and they feel that their status in society will improve. While both these subjects are very good these parents are not telling the child to study the subject for that reason but for the purpose of using the child to reach up the so called ladder in society. They are least bothered whether the child is interested in those subjects or not. And for this they spend lakhs and even crores of rupees for donation. Then they pressurize the child to score well which the child find it difficult and this results in unfortunate and unforeseen consequences for the family. Which they keep regretting all through their life.

The other place at which parents have high expectations from their children is when it comes to the child’s marriage which they have to perform. Such parents are least bothered whether the child likes the bride or not or vice versa. Their happiness lies in the fact that they feel in their opinion. They have found the best bride in town for their child. They fail to understand that their child has now grown up and can make his or her own decisions about whom to marry and whom not to. While they do it they never care to ask them about their preference likes or dislikes. Or whether they have anyone else in their mind. This proves costly for the marriage and the couple.

While there are some parents who are exception to the above rule, majority of them are as mentioned above. While parents mean well for their child it is better if they also ask the child his or her options before deciding anything for them. If they help the child take decisions, the child will grow into a strong personality and will be successful in different spheres of life which every parent would certainly want.