Make Up Your Mind to Stop Being a Victim

Years ago I ran into a woman in her sixties.  She was a professional and I was posed to ask her some questions based on a recent event in her profession.

She launched into a diatribe which turned into a retrospective, and began to recount the abuse she suffered at the age of eleven from a relative.

To be honest, there was nothing I needed, wanted, nor cared to hear on this topic.  It was not merely none of my business, I didn’t want it to be my business.

I grabbed my cell, acted as it vibrated, answered and said, “Alright…”  I turned to her and said, “I have to go, sorry…” and ran out of there.

A few days later, persons who knew her came to me, and it became clear, that this ‘abuse’ was the centre of her universe.   That being a victim was who she was, who she had decided to be.

Maya Angelou was raped as a child.  You wouldn’t know that unless you read her book.  She was so much more than that.   You could spend days with her and never once would she mention that aspect of her past.  She was not a victim.

Yes, she had suffered abuse, but she moved past it.

Over the years I have met many people who have become permanent victims.   No matter how long ago the abuse happened, it is still the centrepiece of their lives.  It is what they talk about, what defines them.   They have refused to live.   Refused to move on.

If it were last week, last month, even last year this happened,  I could be a bit more sympathetic.  But this 60 old ‘died’ when she was 11.  She’s just been filling space during those years.

There are many people today who suffered childhood trauma.  They have lived past it.  They have dealt with it, and not allowed it to destroy the rest of their lives.

It is possible to put the past behind you.

When I met that professional woman, I knew nothing of her life.   I didn’t need to know.  I wanted to discuss an interesting topical issue in which she had been involved to gain an insight.   There was no reason, when given the opportunity to ‘impress’ me with her intellect and ability to strive to gain my pity and discomfort.  But she has decided never to let go of the past.