I know what you are thinking; “How to Protect Myself from a Meteor strike,” as if there is no warning.
But protecting yourself from Domestic Violence is more akin to protecting yourself from mosquito bites. For you can use various mosquito repellants, wear long sleeves, spray the garden, and burn destroyer.
Firstly, there is no such thing as that instant love. There is attraction, there is connection, but not love. You can’t love who you don’t know.
The man who sees you on Wednesday, meets you out on Friday and asks you to marry him can not be trusted. He doesn’t know you.
Let me be a bit offensive; you see a man on a bus. He’s everything you ever wanted. Then he smiles. And you’ve never seen a greater collection of rotten teeth.
That is this ‘instant love’.
Abusers present the ‘instant love.’ They really do want to knock you off your feet. They want you overwhelmed and dazzled.
Hence your first protection; know someone before you say yes.
Where does he live? Who does he live with? What kind of relationship does he have with others?
Keep your emotions in check. Just because he seems so in love with you doesn’t mean he is.
Secondly, have your friends and family meet him and listen to them. You don’t have to obey them, but you want to see what they see. If it becomes him against your family, choose your family. Don’t cut yourself off and give him absolute control over you.
Thirdly, look for the tricks. Does he break up to make up? Does he make you cry? Does he say things that hurt?
Considering you are over 15 years of age; if you had a stupid laugh, someone would have told you already. Use that as a guide. He can’t be the first person who ever noticed (fill in).
Often abusers try to make you feel like a queen because it gives them a greater rush when they kick you to the pavement.
Fourthly, when he says something and gives you a kind of look to see if what he said hurt, he did it on purpose. Abusers look for weak spots.
Fifthly, find out about his past. If he hit the previous girl, he’ll hit you. If he cheated, he’ll cheat on you. If he gives you that ‘no body likes me’, ‘the world is against me’, run.
Those are patented lines given by abusers to get your sympathy.
(Oh I can’t walk out on him like his mother/father/brother/ did.)
Sixthly, does he try to control you? Does he demand you accept his opinions absolutely? Is he the kind to want to make all the decisions?
Seventhly, does he allow you a life? Can you go places without him? Can you see your friends? Can they come over? Or does he make it me or them?
If you go over this list, you will prevent yourself from being a victim.
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This are some very good pointers, many abusive people usually appear to be very nice, calm and very kind. but when you get to know them better they become the monsters that they are because now they have you in the palms of their hans and there is no escaping really pretty sad but it happens.
That is exactly right. Women who marry abusers will tell you how nice he was when they first met. How kind and loving... then.. when he has her! the change.
If a woman had seen signs of domestic violence, they need to pull themselves away from them. It is easy to say, right? In fact, it is easy to say but not through actions. Why? Some women cannot stop and endured the battering experience from their partner. The reason, they believed that love can change a man. But it wasn't all the case.
If a woman cannot step out from such relationship, someone or somebody should have to give an assistance. Once these women cut out from that kind of relationship, they will eventually realized that it was a wrong decision to stay and suffer from their abusive partner.
Abusers make a woman feel that
1. She has no where to go
2. No one will ever love her as he does
3. the abuse is her fault.
So she stays...
Yes, the points you have mentioned in the article are very effective for practical field but with the passage of time men understand a few follows writings and more follow time lash on the back by the hands of deceit.
I think these points may help to avoid abuse
Seek help. If you are involved in an abusive relationship, the first thing that you need to do is to find some help for yourself. ...
Make a plan to get away from your abuser. ...
Leave when your abuser is not at home. ...
Seek therapy.
According to psychologists, the initial sign of emotional abuse might be something in the pit of the stomach, a feeling suggesting that something is going wrong in your relationship.
Most people remain silent about the issue of domestic violence. Very few people identify themselves as abusers or victims. Victims may be silent about the abuse because of embarrassment or shame, or for fear that their batterers will hurt them if they tell other people about the violence.
Abusers often minimize their actions or blame the victim for provoking the violence. Both victims and abusers may characterize their experiences as family quarrels that “got out of control.”