Categories: Health

Dealing with Passive-Agressive People

For most of the past year, I worked as a nanny for twin girls. Their mother was a single mom who was very busy with her job as vice president as of a well known bank. Not to brag – but I worked my tail off! There was only one time ever when I told her I wasn’t able to do something she asked me to at the last minute. It was the end of April when I told her May 22 was going to have to be my last day, and she seemed fine with that, having just told me her job was in jeopardy and she couldn’t promise me a position for next fall. On my last day, she hugged me goodbye and we agreed she’d put my final check in the mail the following week. Three weeks passed and the check never came, I finally had to text her to ask about it. Her response was that she hadn’t been able to get into the payroll website to look up my address. Rather than simply contacting me ask, she did nothing.

This is a perfect example of passive-aggressive behavior. She acted liked she was fine with my quitting for the entire month that she knew about it, but then did something mean spirited and irresponsible afterwards. Not bothering to send me a quick text to get my address was her subtle way of getting back at me for quitting. In my opinion, passive aggressive people are the most difficult type of people to deal with. They are afraid to confront someone directly when they are upset, so they do things to sabotage the person they are mad at, or talk behind someone’s back.

 

Usually people who are passive-aggressive feel stuck and powerless in life. They refuse to address the actual issues that are upsetting them, claiming everything is okay – so the real problems never get addressed. Dealing with them is kind of like fighting a war, except the person you’re fighting against is using gorilla warfare. You must always be expecting a sneak attack – which by the way – will never be owned up to. It can be completely crazy-making and when you are in a situation with a passive-aggressive person, you must have some tools to deal with them!

 

  • Keep strong boundaries. You will get run over and turned into a nervous wreck without them! Passive-aggressive people tend to gravitate towards people they see as submissive or eager to please. This gives them a feeling of control over someone. Set your limits early, make them known, and stick to them.

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  • Don’t play their game. Someone who is passive-aggressive loves nothing more than to drag you down to their level then beat you with experience. If you do, they will start screaming foul and calling you on every move you make. Keep everything you do on the straight and narrow.

  • If you must work together, let them feel they are an important member of the team. People who are passive-aggressive have low self-esteem and feel that the world is against them. To get them to be productive in a team environment, they need to feel valued. When they are cooperating – let them know they are valued and appreciated. Appropriate complements and praise can head off problems later on.

 

The suggestions above are only for if you MUST interact with someone who is passive-aggressive. The best advice that I can give about associating with people who are passive-aggressive is simple – avoid them!

 

 




  • Lola

    View Comments

    • Think of the 'martyr' she who everyone has to feel sorry for and pander to. Think of the woman who claims that 'her husband wears the pants', yet does what she pleases when she pleases, and couldn't care less what his opinions are.

    • We all come across such annoying situations specially when nothing is directed at us per se but work goes on behind our back. A case in point when someone who has been your friend suddenly withdraws and that happens when someone else woos that person away from you without your knowledge.

    • That is well said. passive aggressive people can be very annoying and they cannot be trusted. you can't even entrust them with anything they can easily let you down, especially if it is something that you are doing together, these are the types of people who you can agree on something, then later on when everything has been arranged they pull off for very shoddy reasons.

    • I don't put myself dwell with these people. Definitely, I will feel so bored with this kind of personality. However, we can still be understandable. Perhaps they don't have the chance to break free from such behavior. In some point, we can also try to help them out. We cannot be judgmental at times. Since we are also not created perfect and have flaws in life.

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