June 2, 2016 at 8:31 pm

This a shame that you and your child has to go through this.  This is why I think more teachers should have more training in dealing with psychological issues as your daughters.  In all my studies I am really going to create a course in teacher education that will teach basic social work skills that could work in the classroom that is not doing therapy.  Just different ways of classroom management skills. What do you think?

June 2, 2016 at 8:51 pm

@ruby3881 I hope this works out for her next year. At home I have implemented a chore chart and for every chore she does she gets a sticker and at the end of the week if she has done well she gets to get in the treat box, which is has everything she likes in it, and she gets to pick her one new item out. This has worked really well.

@Moregoodie  She wouldn’t have this set up now if I wouldn’t have told them it was done in the home and worked well. It was done in lower grades and stopped at second grade. I am glad your daughter has done so well this year. Mine not so much in school but she has started to become interested in wearing lip gloss, clothes,and things of that nature. Sad part is my daughters principal used to be a special education teacher and she still does not have no compassion for kids like ours and it is a shame.

@Mark Graham I think that is a wonderful idea, because these kids are treated like normal kids and that doesn’t work, they need compassion, understanding, and sometimes a little push in the right direction.

June 2, 2016 at 10:08 pm

@markyg I think it’s great that you want to create a course that will help teachers learn to give better help to special needs students. I think if anythings, most teachers need help with: 1) understanding the nature of disabilities and accommodations, and knowing their responsibility towards a special needs student; 2) inclusiveness and how to treat a special needs child with dignity. If you could teach these two things, it would help so much!

@melissa1024 We’ve also dealt with principals who were former special ed teachers, and even with administrators whose own children are special needs kids. In my experience, they are no more likely to be helpful or even compassionate than others. Sometimes even less 🙁

June 3, 2016 at 1:08 am

@ruby3881 Yes, I’ve noticed because she is less sensitive to my child’s needs. Really all the teachers have seemed a little put off because I told them they needed to be more patient and work with her more than the other students.

June 3, 2016 at 4:41 am

@melissa1024 I get that a lot too. The easiest way to deal with it is to be super proactive. Instead of saying, “Could you …..?” it’s better to ask them, “How do you intend to address …..?” Then they have to do the heavy lifting!

And if you know they have to fulfill a specific obligation, just run with it. Instead of saying, “Would it help if …..?” you need to just assume that they know the correct way to address something. Set up whatever needs to be set up (token economy, ABC charts for tracking behaviour, visual schedules, etc.) Bring them in and say, “Where shall I put these so they’ll be easiest for you to use?” It’s all psychology! You just need to make it really hard for them to refuse or to whine about what you’re asking them to do.

June 3, 2016 at 7:36 am

@ruby3881 Thanks for the advice. I will try these suggestions next year. Today was the last day for this year. For hopefully your suggestions will work and next year will be a better year.

June 4, 2016 at 6:00 am

I will tell you this experience with my children is making me more outspoken about these things. I hate confrontation of any kind, but my children are not going to suffer. My daughter’s teacher had training in special education and yet she cannot address the issues. I told her that I would get my daughter a planner so that she can write down all her assignments for the day. Last year her teacher did that with all the students and it worked for my daughter really well. She had a visual aid to help her keep on task and know what she had to do next. That way she did not have to rely on her memory to finish her work.

@Mark  I think that is a great idea. Something needs to change because there will always be children with problems like ours and it is sad that they do not get the attention that they deserve. My daughter is very smart and before she was in school her pediatrician said that she was above average intelligence. Unfortunately, she is not one that likes to show her intelligence for fear that it will cause her to get attention. She does not like to be in the limelight, but when she does things and gets praise from her classmates she absolutely glows.

June 4, 2016 at 6:35 am

@morgoodie Being a special needs parent is real roller coaster ride, isn’t it? Sometimes we are so proud of our kids, and what they accomplish seems so huge when put into the right perspective. But for each moment of happiness or pride, there are many moments of struggle!

You should absolutely get your son’s IQ and achievement levels tested so he can be assessed for the right learning level. It’s so important that every student be challenged just enough….

June 4, 2016 at 7:47 am

@ruby3881  A roller coaster is a good thing to compare it to. I remember when she first started school and she had such a  hard time adjusting and it took half of the year for her to go in the room and do the tasks that they were supposed to do each morning. She would just stand at the door and stay there. Sometimes as I was leaving her there, I would turn back and see her standing there looking at me as if I was abandoning her. I felt so bad. There were many mornings that I would cry the whole way to work. I felt like a horrible person making her go through this.

I dreaded school I think more than they did. It was such a struggle to get her up, get her dressed, and ready for school that by the time I was dropping them off, I was already frazzled and then it was off to work where I had a lot of stress. It was like that for four years. Then this year,  they get up and get everything ready for school without me. I stay up late to work online so they wake me up when they are ready. I am very proud of her because she has come along way.

Now if we can get past the meltdowns then we will be on easy street. Well sort of, but as much on easy street as she can be.

June 4, 2016 at 8:06 am

This is indeed not an ordinary problem. It involves both mental and physical. You cannot blame your child for having behaved that way. It is better for the teacher to tell her classmates without her presence to understand the attitude of their classmate, your daughter for she too does not know why she acts  that way.Proper guidance and monitoring must be done by the teachers and guidance office.

June 4, 2016 at 8:43 am

@morgoodie They have agendas . The school furnishes every year for them to write spelling words, homework, special events, etc. in. Problem is mine won’t write her homework down it and when prompted about homework she will tell you she has none. She does this because the work is frustrating to her. I told her teacher if she has homework you write it in the agenda or email me what the homework is. The teacher said okay, I had to tell the teacher this numerous times, it never did happen.

@cely Exactly, that is what I said but this school doesn’t want to take special care with the special needs children. They want to treat them all like normal kids. I have told them time and time again what to do to help her and how to keep her calm and focused but they don’t even really try.

June 4, 2016 at 1:38 pm

@morgoodie Once you get past the meltdowns, everything changes. Hang in there!

June 4, 2016 at 6:45 pm

@ruby3881  She has been getting better and they are fewer than they were, but they are explosive when they happen. I try to be patient and will usually make her go to her room or somewhere where she can calm down and desensitize from everyone. Sometimes, she gets too overwhelmed when there is a lot of activity or people around her. Usually it only takes about 5 minutes for her to calm down and she will come out and apologize for her behavior. She has matured much this past year and she is turning into a young lady.

@melissa  My daughter is the same way when it comes to homework. She will tell me that she has none so that she does not have to do it. At the beginning of this year, the teacher had assigned weekly spelling words and they had to write 15 definitions and 15 sentences. I was floored by the amount of work was required for spelling words. They also had to do a special project that was due at the end of the week involving the words. This was to be done in conjunction with any other homework they had throughout the week.  Of course, this did not go over well with my daughter and so that brought many struggles. It wasn’t long before this changed for the whole class.

My daughter’s teacher found a planner for her, but like everything it was never used. I will be glad when school is out on Thursday.

June 4, 2016 at 9:03 pm

@morgoodie  School got out here on Thursday and I was so happy. My daughter had to do the same thing with the spelling words. At the beginning of the year they made them all do a science project, in which they had to take pictures of, tell what they thought would happen before they done it, etc. something we would have assembled in the higher grades, plus she had to do all the other homework it didn’t go over well at all. I had a time keeping her focused on it. I’m glad this year is over. I am dreading next year.

June 4, 2016 at 9:47 pm

@melissa  I am looking forward to next school year since they will be in a different school. You would think that going to a private school would mean they were getting a better education but when the teacher tells you that they would be better off in a public schools where they adhered better to the education laws. I mean what is my money going for anyway?

My daughter also has Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD) too and that does not mix well with homework or any kind of work for that matter. Sometimes, I would just let her homework go because I am not spending two hours fight with her to do it. It is not worth it.

I hope next year will be better for your daughter. Is there another school that she could go to? I am lucky that we can send them to whatever school we want to but we are moving and it is not like that there. I am keeping my fingers crossed and I will do that for you as well.