May 31, 2016 at 8:45 am

My daughter has ADHD, OCD, bipolar, and Conduct disorder. She is 10 years old. She is in the 4th grade. Now understand I am no way defending her but if something goes on at school she always gets in trouble for it or blamed for it. When I ask her about it she tells me there were others involved ,I in turn go to the school tell them others were involved and they tell me she told them that also but the others whom she said were involved denies their involvement so they can not do anything unless they catch them! Naturally they aren’t going to tell on themselves. I feel as if she is being singled out due to her illnesses. I have spoken to other parents whose children have similar illness’s that attend the same school and they are being treated the same way. Is it just us whom feel our kids are being singled out?

May 31, 2016 at 11:52 am

@melissa1024/

It is utterly unfair for your child to take the blame for everything.

She is just a child, trying to fit herself into the society.

Problem is the children do not understand her illness, looked down on her.

Hence, she will need the teacher in charge to understand her behavior and keep watch who are the pupils involved.

A better understanding from the people around her would benefit her, she won’t be single out and treated like an odd girl.

Co operation is required from both parties.

No doubt, these children would denied their actions because they are afraid to be punished.

May 31, 2016 at 12:14 pm

@peachpurple  I have told the teachers and the principal about her conditions. They tell me they will work with her and keep an eye out on the other pupils. But, this still happens this has been going on since 1st grade and she is now completeing 4th grade.

May 31, 2016 at 11:16 pm

IMO, since she is “labelled” she IS the only one who gets in trouble.  My son had the same problem, he was labelled as ADHD and even though there were other children that were involved, he was the one who got blamed!!  I’m not saying my son is/ was perfect but he was a “follower” not a leader.

June 1, 2016 at 12:14 am

@JoDee Stout Exactly. That’s what I was saying. I have even talked to a neighbor whose child is 1 year behind my daughter and she said they treat him the same way. He has similar problems. It as if they are singling those kids out!

June 1, 2016 at 11:58 pm

@melissa  It is a shame that this is happening to your children and others that share the same conditions. It is not right that she gets blamed and of course if you ask a child they are not going to readily admit that they were involved. That is just plain stupid to me. My daughter has ADD, anxiety. and depression. My son has OCD and depression. I am thinking that he also has ADD/ADHD. They go to a private school. I have a 504 written for my daughter so that she can have special accommodations when it comes to homework, testing, and writing. However, when everyone in the school had to do a test on the computer she was not given the accommodations like she was supposed to.

When I brought this up to her teacher that she did not test at the right levels, she told me she forgot about the accommodations because this is her first year teaching. If I had a mind to, I could have gotten the school in trouble with the state board. Luckily , we are moving and will not be at that school any longer.

My son seems to be singled out when getting into trouble. He does something or is talking like other students and he is the one that gets talked to or sent to the principal for it. He was hit in the back of the head by a heavy roll of paper ending up with a lump on his head and nothing happened to the girl that threw the paper at him. She apparently threw it twice but only hit him the once. On one occasion, my son threw a tiny piece of the broken lead from him pencil to the floor hitting no one and was sent to the principle. I know that my son is not perfect but he is not a trouble maker. He has problems controlling his emotions so instead of giving him alternatives to acting out they just punish him.

I think that as parents of children who do not fit properly in the hole that society has created for them they stand out for their differences and this makes them more noticeable than “normal” children who are pretty much invisible because of their normalcy. My daughter is much different than normal girls her age which is also 10 and I feel bad for her because I cannot protect her 24/7 from the cruelty of society but also proud of her because she has made huge strides in her life and because of her individuality. I am glad she does not fit the mold and hope that one day she will too.

I wish you luck with your daughter and hope that something will change in her situation at school.

June 2, 2016 at 7:03 am

@morgoodie Thank you. It sounds like you are dealing with the same thing as we are. My daughter has an IEP set up to help her with reading and math. She goes out of the classroom everyday for the extra help and she does not have as many math problems or as much reading to do in class or at home. In the class there is special accommodations, but they will not provide them on any test. SO there for most test scores are low. Kids have been picking on her about receiving the extra help, I called the school and the principal told me we have to actually see or hear them doing it to do anything about it. Well what about the zero tolerance for bullying policy, I guess that doesn’t apply for her. If that was her doing it, they heard her or not and a parent called she’d be in for it. It burns me up. It is like they are singling these kids out because they aren’t normal.

June 2, 2016 at 7:37 am

@melissa  I hear you. On one hand I hate to get all these special accommodations for her because she does not like to stand out but I don’t want her to not get the education she needs. She goes out of the classroom once a day as well. It used to be twice if she needed to but the person that handled that type of work had to go down to part time since the school ran out of money. Another parent that I am friends with her child has ADHD and she was told that her child could not go out of the room because my daughter and her child are best friends and she figured they would just goof off.

I am glad that they are not going to this school any longer. Sad thing is that I chose to put them in private school because of the public schools where I live are not good. I thought that paying for their education would give them a better one. But since I do not belong to the church they do not see them as worthy of the attention they need. I did not get her an IEP because I did not feel that she needed all that many accommodations and because I did not really know what I was doing. I will make sure at the next school that she gets what she needs.

I do not think that she gets bullied as she is not the only one that goes out of the room, but then again maybe it is because she is not getting all these accommodations that she is supposed to have. I wanted her to be able to go off by herself when they had to read to themselves so she could read out loud to herself so she would get a better grasp on what she is reading since she is not interested in focusing on reading it silently. I doubt that has happened. I am glad that school is almost over with.

I liked the principle that we had last year. He definitely had a zero tolerance for bullying. My son had problems with a bully in his class last year. He went to the principle and the principle talked to the ones that were causing him problems and then went in and talked to the whole class. The teacher knew this was going on but it wasn’t until I said something to her that she talked to the principle as well.  I hate to feel like I am the parent that is always griping about something but I am not going to let them go through school not learning the way they need to and putting up with bullies.

June 2, 2016 at 8:07 am

@morgoodie she is not the only one that goes out of the class for help but she has more problems then the others do. I told her they were just jealous because she was getting more attention. I know in the classroom she is not getting the help she needs because one assignment she failed and I ask her why and she told me she ask for help and the teacher told her she knew how to do it. I have been fighting with this school since day one. Luckily next year is her last year in that school then she will be in sixth grade and be at the middle school and maybe I can get some where with them. This school has put her in after school detention, in school detention, and suspended her over stupid stuff and a lot of it was stuff she was doing to try and fit in with the others. She has a hard time making friends, she is insecure around her peers because she is unlike them.

I was talking to my neighbor and her son has similar problems. He is in third grade, he is just not as bad as my daughter and his mom said she was having a time with the school also. She said they were doing him just like they are my daughter. I told her it is unfair these kids are just like the others only difference is they require a little more patience and attention and it’s as if the school doesn’t want to deal with them. At one time I went to the school board over my child and the assistant superintendant  had me fighting mad. He had the nerve to tell me that there is no such disease as ADHD and Behavior Disorder. Those were just pshychiatrist terms for bad parenting and no discipline. If I bust her butt and take things away she liked the diseases would disappear. I told him I know how to raise my child and how she does isn’t from bad parenting.

June 2, 2016 at 8:33 am

@melissa  It makes me so mad when people act that way. I mean really it is not a real disorder? I got that reaction when my daughter was diagnosed with moderate clinical depression. I told the teachers and the principle about her problems because I wanted them to be aware of them when dealing with her. Her teacher said are you sure she has depression? Won’t she grow out of it? Well I have never grown out of my depression which is why I take medication as does both of my children.

I try very hard to be patient with people who are ignorant of the things that can affect children and depression just happens to be one of them. Depression and anxiety go hand in hand with ADD/ADHD. My daughter has a hard time making friends too because she lacks confidence in her abilities which is another reason that she does poorly in school. Well I shouldn’t say she is does poorly because her grades are decent. She has not flunked anything yet.

There is just not enough education about these disorders in children or adults for that matter. You cannot fathom what it is like unless you go through it. But they should not discount these children because they will succeed in whatever their talent is in. I hope the next school year is better for your daughter. I know it is rough because there is only so much you can do for them and as a parent it just never feels like enough.

June 2, 2016 at 10:55 am

@Moregoodie That’s exactly right.I am hoping next year is better but doubtful. Year after next when she gets in middle school is when I am expecting it to get better. This principal at the elementary school is something else. She thinks she knows all and her so- called punishments will help no it makes it worse. I am glad to know their is someone else who is with me on these feelings of how these schools are treating our kids. I hope your son has a better year next year and doesn’t get bullied. I hope his little head is ok now. I hope your does does well also.

June 2, 2016 at 11:31 am

I have three special needs children: 1 severely autistic/retarded/ADHD; 1 ADHD/dysgraphia/possibly autistic; 1 ADHD/dysgraphia/dyscalculia.

We have had to battle with the school system for the past decade or more. Sometimes it’s over accommodations and the services/equipment they need, sometimes over the points on the IEP, sometimes over their behaviour and the level of supervision they receive.

What I can say to any special needs parent is simply this: be an advocate for your child. Be proactive, inform yourself and insist on your child’s rights, give concrete feedback and helpful suggestions, and document everything.

If there is a need to visit the school or speak with staff more than twice over any given issue, ask for a meeting to discuss what can be done. Even if your child’s behaviour is the issue, you can ask for a behaviour plan that will address the problem in a positive way. That forces teachers to actually sit down and troubleshoot the problem. They can’t just complain and blame things on your child.

Always put the ball back into their court, and expect them to do their job.

June 2, 2016 at 12:40 pm

@ruby3881 Actually next year they are going to do a rewards system with her on behavior, and each day she displays good behavior she gets a sticker for the day, if at the end of the week she has 3 or more stickers she gets a treat from her teacher. This was set up last week in a meeting between the principal, myself, and a lady from her psycharist office whom goes to the school on behalf of the kids. I have had meeting after meeting at that school with teachers and the principal reguarding her educational needs and behavior with them promising to comply with my wishes and then they do not comply.

June 2, 2016 at 6:27 pm

@melissa1024 I hope the sticker system works out for you. If it’s done right, a token economy can be a very powerful tool. We use a smilie face with my son when he wants to go to the park or the library. He does chores, and for each chore we draw part of the face. Once he had=s an entire happy face, he gets to go 🙂

June 2, 2016 at 8:02 pm

That sounds like a good idea with the reward system. I think it helps all kids not just the ones with special needs. Why do they quit doing this at a certain grade. Mine had this sort of thing in the lower grades but not now. Even as adults we need incentives to work better and harder. That is why we get paychecks and such. Kids do not think of grades in the same way we do and ones with special needs need short term incentives and feedback. My daughter has blossomed this year but not with her grades. She has become more confident and seems much happier in school this year versus the other 4 years. I have watched her turn into a mature 10 year old for the most part and I cannot believe that she is actually enjoying school and wanting to take part in the little concerts and programs that they put on.

I am hoping next year my son will be challenged more because he gets bored in school so much. He is in 3rd grade but reads at nearly 7th grade and is at almost 6th grade math level. I think I am going to have him tested at the new school for placement. I do not want him to get discouraged in school and to not be bored with the work.