February 6, 2017 at 12:06 am

All humans and even animals get angry get angry when they are unable to get what they would have wanted to or if something is not in their reach or denied to them. This is a natural expression which is a outlet for one and all to express their frustrations and pent up emotions. But too much of anger is also not good for the body and hence needs to be controlled from a young age. Here are  a few simple  strategies to deal with anger.

1) If one gets angry for some reason, it is better one excuses himself or herself and moves out of the scene for some time till the anger subsides and one is in control of his senses before interacting with people.

2) To remove pent up anger you can show the frustration in a positive manner by being critical of oneself and scolding oneself and trying to improve upon the past performance. You can also promise yourself to put on a better show next time as the mind takes that as a challenge and moves on.

3) In case of anger due to the fault of others try to analyze if the mistake was not because of the persons fault and if it could have been avoided and tell him the same but at the same time you can politely show that you are unhappy with the situation. Shouting does not help and further complicates the situation.

4) If you get angry at a child because of some genuine reason never shout at him or spank him, but be stern and tell him you are very unhappy with the situation he has put you in and  deny him something which you have promised him for sometime for him to understand that what he did was something wrong and should not be done.

5) Do not shout at anyone in front of others even if it is their fault and even if it happens to be a big blunder. That does not give the right to berate the person in front of the others, you can give him or her a piece of your mind once when you are on a one to one situation. But also tell him that you are telling this as you have high expectation from them and hence are trying to tell and are hoping they will mend their ways. That sends a positive vibe.

6) If you are very angry when having food stop having food for some time till the anger subsides as anger has the tendency to generate toxins in our body and they will be in the blood and mix with food when digested which is not good for our health. It is nothing but feeding your body with poison. You wont feel you had a contented meal too.

7) You can take deep breaths slowly and count numbers in ascending or descending order this activity slows down the blood pressure and controls blood sugar level and helps you get back to normal as it is a healthy distraction which is very much needed. As the body will be in a fight mode it has to be calmed down to be brought back on track.

8) Practice meditation and breathing exercises even if you are in the office and working for long hours or in the house every two hours for a few minutes even if you are seated on the chair you can perform some simple exercises. If you have plants or view of greenery or any picture which calms your mind do look at the scene it  works wonders. If you do not have anything to view just stare at a blank wall. Practice eye exercises.

9) The food which you eat or medicines consumed also act as triggers in generating bursts of anger and increasing impatience which results in anger. Learn to give a  proper deadline which is realistic for any task to be finished whether it be you or it be someone else.

10) If you are angry at yourself one more technique by which people can reduce anger is by shouting at oneself or scolding oneself  looking at himself or herself in the mirror. This helps in letting out the steam and has a soothing effect on the frayed nerves. Remember you have to provide a outlet for all the frustration and anger to go if you do not do so. It will surface at the wrong time at the wrong place and at the wrong person who has nothing to do with your problem.

While you may be performing certain acts which calms you when you are angry,  anger management is a important technique to learn for you and your family members to learn for leading a healthy, stable, peaceful and happy life. Wish you success in controlling you anger.

• This topic was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by  Krishna Kumar.

February 7, 2017 at 1:44 pm

I always regret getting angry and shouting too. I cannot control myself actually when I am too angry in hurling hurting words. Much as I don’t want to get angry, some factors would trigger it.

So, whenever I get angry over a person, I just drink a cold water and think of the other person, if he intentionally did what she has done or it was just an accident.

If I get angry at the office, I tell the person I am angry so she shouldn’t talk to me about it first, until my anger has subsided.

I would go out of the room, drink a cold water and go to the comfort room and vent out my anger at the cubicle sometimes I cry out of anger.

And after that, I pray for God to calm me and help me to control my anger. After that, I would calm down.

February 7, 2017 at 3:00 pm

Regarding the drinking of water it is a correct way as you are giving the body some liquid which helps the mind and the flow of the blood to alter and change the state of thinking. Some people use the technique of crying out worries and getting over it.

But regular use of that technique will lead to other problems related to the mind and acts as a downer in the long run. But I have observed children crying and then changing the scene in their mind and becoming normal with laughter. I have also observed the same with some adults especially women folk. I think for them they need to express their emotions.

Asking someone not to disturb you as you are not in the right frame of mind is also taking time out and is a very good thing. Regarding the last technique of praying to God we humans generally tend to remember him during difficult times and the thought of Him helps many tide over problems which cannot be solved. As they say ‘Faith Can Move Mountains’. Thanks for the valuable inputs as these techniques can be tried and adopted by  readers.

March 2, 2017 at 1:44 pm

I have yet to find someone who does not get angry in life at one point of time or another. Especially anger seems to come even to a small child at the drop of a hat. I am in search of that elusive someone who has overcome it 100 percent. I am quite hopeful and optimistic that I would be finding such a  person in my life sooner or later. Till such a time one thought crept in my mind, why not I start being that person in the process of my ongoing search of that elusive person.

In yoga there are many techniques which will help in controlling anger. I think I would have to go through them too  to do a deeper study of what anger actually is and how or what are the ways one can gain total control over such a state of mind. If this is possible and I happen to find a solution myself there are many people in the world with whom I would like to share this knowledge in the hope that people will not quibble and fight with one another for various reasons which they tend to do so usually.

March 2, 2017 at 3:42 pm

These are some of the nice tips. I have struggled with the personal finance and had anger issues. Dealing with parents can be harder in such case. I think anger comes from something we have bottled inside us. And that bottled part comes out when we are struggling with some other issue. I don’t think anger always can be contained. And getting it out is the best way things can be managed. I struggle to understand more about this. I wish I could have known about how to control and direct my anger the right way. I just think that it’s harder these days. I am kind of burned out and anger and fear is natural response for me.

March 2, 2017 at 9:08 pm

Appreciate your response to this particular topic which many of us are going through and are trying to overcome to the best of our ability. No doubt, in a limited way. As per the observation made by you anger when bottled up inside without having any outlet to express, anger builds up over a period of time and shows its face at the wrong times and at the wrong places unfortunately many a times the persons who face the wrath of this situation are also people who are in that spot without knowing what  they are getting in  into and end up with a broken heart due to the action of the angry person.

This is avoidable provided bottling up does not take place and a proper outlet is provided to channel anger out of the persons mind. This can be in the form of a punching bag, a sport, meditation or other techniques which are widely available which can provide relief for the person going through such a state of mind. Good to hear your view on this topic.

March 10, 2017 at 9:59 pm

Further to my post regarding anger management strategies. I had one more experience where I found that all the techniques which I tried above which have been mentioned in my article did not work. So in this particular case with the person I confronted him directly and gave him a piece of my mind. I as such did not have the intention to get angry at anyone but I thought let me use this technique which I use very sparingly. People got this notion that this person is soft and mild mannered and would not do anything even if we run riot.

So I took the opportunity of using the’angry man technique’ to see the effect and to my surprise I found in all the three different cases since the time I wrote this article which I used this technique. My controlled and conscious anger at the subjects worked wonders. They got the direct message and their approach towards me after that particular episode where I used this technique with them got me the results. It paid results instantly but I made it a point to also tell those people later why I did what I did and the reason and the effect which I can see as a result of what I did. The most surprising thing was instead of getting annoyed they understood my point of view and seemed to appreciate it better when told directly.

I asked them one more thing, if they were in my place in this particular situation what would they do? Their answer was they would do what I did and felt what I did was the right thing as I gave all the three a long rope and tried different ways to make them aware  of the situation which I was going through because of their actions. Hope this inputs helps as these are real cases not with one but with three different persons of different age groups belonging to different strata of society. The conclusion I reached is sometimes controlled anger to put ones point of view is essential after all options are exhausted.

March 10, 2017 at 10:21 pm

I am trying to find out answer to one situation. For example, in a place where we have to get some understanding on bullying and dealing with negative people. I wonder how to do that. And how do people cope with the negativity. I struggled most of my life dealing with the negative and angry people. It was kind of hard for me to get a grip on how to adjust with my inability to deal with them. Do you have any suggestion on that front to deal with the difficult people or say negative people? Thanks a lot.

March 10, 2017 at 10:53 pm

@mahesh

Appreciate your query which a lot of us face in our day to day lives. It basically comes to understanding the mentality of the person with whom we are dealing with. People of all age groups and sexes generally as per my experience see how a persons personality is that is whether he is the rugged kind, very refined, an angry kind, whether he is a diplomatic person, whether he means what he says, is he a person with a tough mind and a hard nut to crack, whether one is a pushover, whether one can be won over by talk or arguments which he will be unable to answer, whether one is incapable of defending himself, whether one can be taken for a ride and so on and so forth.

If you are coming across negative people or the bullying types who are unreasonable people then as per my opinion this is what you have to do which I often do since childhood. Keep these principles in mind, give respect and receive respect,  be patient with people and understand them as to what they are upto. See if they are genuine people or negative or bullying characters. Check if you feel uncomfortable in their presence. Find out if this behavior is with you or this is the same case with all the people they deal with. Understand if they are taking your good sober nature for granted. Check if you feel like avoiding them if you happen to see them due to their attitude or ego.

If the answer to many of these is yes. What you have to do is the next time they get into trouble with you give them a piece of your mind. Tell them what you mean on their face before ten people so that everyone knows what they are upto. See what their weakness is and expose the chinks in the armor before everyone. See how they argue or bully or speak negative and be ready with at least ten instant  replies which have to be stinging. Tell them if they are such characters that you have nothing to do with them and they better mind their business.

If they criticize you or threaten you emotionally or make you uncomfortable by revealing something which you are afraid of or would not want to be revealed challenge them to go ahead and tell the same before every one as you do not care for their words. Cut all communication or relations if they are strangers or were friends or aquaintences. If they happen to be relatives warn them this is what you would be forced to do next time because of their attitude and they alone are responsible for this mess.

Once you are clear in your mind there is no one who can bully, spread negativity or be toxic with you. Tell them you will expose them thoroughly too. This will instill fear in them as they too are humans. Most important study the person well and take action and never regret your actions which you took, so think rationally, logically with a clean frame of mind. Hope this helps.