May 19, 2016 at 9:48 am

I have often noticed that some people are always competing with everything and everyone around them.

They like to compare their house, their income, their car, their children, their habits with others and base their success on this comparison. For example, a child comes home and tells his parents that he got a star on his class work and they will immediately ask, what did Mark or John or Jenny get?

Instead of saying well done to their child and enjoying his happy moment, they are more concerned about how well the other children did.

Similarly, you tell them you have learned how to make a strawberry cake and they will immediately say, “I know how to make banana, mango AND strawberry cake.”

A friend might say, “I lost 5 pounds in a month “ and they will worry that their friend might lose more weight than they are able to and look better.

Such comparisons are a sure way of being UNHAPPY all the time and lose some friends too.. Instead they should learn to say” I am so happy for you .”, “ Well done ,,” “ Congrats , and mean it too.

Do people around you compete and compare their life with you?

May 19, 2016 at 9:58 am

@dawnwriter – those who do that are foolish. As no one has knowledge of the package that each one of us  are endowed with as having is one thing and making use of it is another. There are some blessed with the ability to make the best of what they are and so happier than those with all the luxuries.

May 19, 2016 at 11:19 am

As a stay at home mom, I usually spend time with those neighbors who are mostly also stay at home moms while we bring our children to the park nowadays. I am glad they do not really compare and compete with each other, but we are more like helping and supporting each other, especially sharing the parent’s challenges.

I really do not like to compare and compete with others since I was young, I don’t like to be compared and competed as well. My results in school were quite good when I was young, some mothers always told their children how good I am, and they should learn from me. I did not like that at all! This would actually make the children jealous and did not like to play with me. Glad that my friends did not hate me and still befriended me.

I even received a call from my primary school friend when I was already working. He told me he was so happy I left the school, as his rank was always just behind me, after I have left the school, he finally got the better rank in the class. I got a shock when I heard this. I did not know he was actually competing with me, and he could still remember it after so many years. See how competing and comparing can hurt a little child.

I think we should always be grateful for what we have, and especially not to teach the children to compare and compete with others.

May 19, 2016 at 11:56 am

@dawnwriter This is an excellent topic for discussion. It’s amazing how much some people feel the need not just to compete, but to demean another or dismiss his accomplishments in order to make themselves feel somehow superior.

One thing I’ve observed is that sometimes the people who are the most likely to scorn competition in others, will be the ones to make a mean-spirited comment or to play at one-upmanship. It’s in my nature to spot such behaviours easily, but I must admit that I generally won’t say anything unless I know the individual is open to feedback. Most people who indulge in this sort of unhealthy comparison are quick to anger if anyone so much as disagrees with their opinion.

I try to save my energies so I can help guide the younger generation, as most of the young ones who take an unhealthy approach to competition are just copying what they’ve seen adults do. They tend to be more comfortable with introspection. Simply asking a child to put herself in the other person’s shoes can yield dramatic results.

May 19, 2016 at 12:24 pm

@kaka135 I used to think I disliked competition, because of course I associated it with doing things that were difficult for me. I used to dislike being compared to someone who always seemed to be perfect (the teacher’s pet) and even more than that, I disliked it when my friend’s mother held me up as an example for her to follow. She was no different from me, but her mother saw every tiny flaw as if under a microscope – and of course she ignored all of mine! It was really unfair, both to me and to my friend.

Looking back on my high school years, now I realize that there were times when I enjoyed competition. I debated, and I also enjoyed a little friendly competition with the boy who was always placed near me when the teachers assigned our seats. But our competition was never more than playful. We would encourage each other to do well, and sometimes we helped each other when one of us was struggling. Our competition involved a good deal of cooperation, and I think it brought out the best in both of us.

I am happy to hear you have a supportive group of mothers around you. I lacked that when my kids were little. I never found a group that had children the same age, and if I did meet one or two mothers in the park we just never seemed to form much of a bond.

May 19, 2016 at 1:23 pm

I couldn’t agree more.  People have become obsessed in making themselves greater than others.  It is like not having a heart to be happy with other people’s success.

When I see other people who might be more successful than them,  there can be a tinge of envy but not to the extent of trying to push myself to be like them. We all have our own time. That is what I believe in.

Others may afford to buy the most expensive bags,  clothes or shoes.  Do I envy them? No really coz they are just material things which could no longer have the same value as the way I buy my things because I work to be able to buy the things that my family needs. My wants? I can always reward myself if I have the extra money. I buy things not to brag but to just to have something to use.

Comparing kids’ achievements may imply both a positive or a negative effect on the children. It all depends on how the child takes it- either just plain insult or a challenge.  I guess if we want to help our children to become better ,  pushing them in a positive way is the best. When children grow up being compared to one another all the time,  thus causes emotional and psychological tension betwern siblings which they may carry on until they are older.

May 19, 2016 at 1:26 pm

I don’t compete but I like the details. I can sprout on anything and I like to discuss it until I kill it. Just because of that I appear as a very obnoxious individual, but in many cases that is also very very useful so I don’t care.

For example if somebody remembers that I was dissecting something they just need but can’t remember what is an actual name of that item, or brand – they ask  me.

“Do you remember that little thing, that – you know, you talked about it for 3 hours and it has a blue envelope, huh?” – this is nothing unusual to me.

I like to compete about the details. I also like to try anything somebody else has if it looks fun and interesting to me. But it doesn’t mean that I will die for it.

I compete with myself and I compare myself to others in order to improve; this can look exceptionally egocentric. OK, I am. I approach things from my own perspective the first, and then widen it up. A person who understands one self will probably also understand better other person as well, as we are not so fundamentally different. And if you always think how others feel about you or what you will do or say, I doubt you are doing yourself a favor. But, they will be happy even if it doesn’t really matter because normal people have a capacity to appreciate others of the different standards and expectations.

If my lunch burned out of course I will compete with that version the next time I decide to put my kitchen on arson, and I will definitely compare myself to other cook whose lunch turned to be fine.

The thing I dislike is when people constantly deprive others from any appreciation or constantly finding any opportunity not to prove that they are better or the best, but only to  make other people miserable.

There is a difference between the capable person, prestigious egocentric and a complete jerk who just wants to make you feel like a moron. Talented person deserves it, egocentric doesn’t even notice it and a jerk does it in purpose.

May 19, 2016 at 1:58 pm

@ruby3881 I understand what you meant. Yes, you reminded me of those positive and friendly competitions. I did have that with a few of my high school friends as well. We studied together, helped and supported each other, and we didn’t get jealous no matter whose result was better. We did enjoy ourselves with studying together. I still remember sometimes we even picked a prize for the one who scored the highest or sometimes the lowest, such as a cone of ice cream, just for fun. 😀

I think this kind of friendly competition is fun and fine too.

Yes, I am really grateful for staying here, though it’s in the city, we have a park and playgrounds in the neighborhood. I am glad there are still some parents like to bring the children to the playground always, and let the kids play there. That’s how my children have made some good friends in the playground, and I have made some good friends with the moms as well. I have heard from my other friends, though there are also playgrounds in their housing area, not many kids playing there.

May 19, 2016 at 2:02 pm

@kaka135 Our parks were always close to deserted, or so packed it was beyond chaos. Never an in-between. I think that’s a good part of why my kids never really made friends in the neighbourhood. That, and they had trouble understanding French. Most of our neighbours spoke no English, so the kids couldn’t understand each other.

May 19, 2016 at 5:36 pm

@ruby3881 Here, as it’s a multi-racial country, some people speak Chinese, English and Malay language. I haven’t really teach my children English yet, so when they go to park, I think they usually like to play with those Chinese speaking kids too. But, sometimes kids just do not mind about the language barrier, they still play together. Slowly, they started to learn different languages from each other, or they just use their body languages to communicate. I do read English story books or picture books to my children, so maybe they can still understand a little bit.

My son just told me, yesterday a girl talked to him in English, and he understood and even replied her, with a short answer “Yes”. 😀

Do you need to learn French there, or English will be just fine to you?

Here, we have to at least learn English and Malay language. As Chinese, I’d definitely want my children to learn Chinese and speak Chinese as well. Now, I will have to plan for language lessons for my son.

May 20, 2016 at 6:27 pm

I have known people who like to compete with other people and have to try and be better than the other person. They have to have the more expensive house, car, and clothes. I have never really understood this mentality and it does hinder a chance of friendship with those types of people. I do not like being in the limelight so I do not try to one up anyone. I do not care if my car is fancy as long as it gets me from point A to point B then it is fine with me.

I think people who are like this are not happy with their lives and want to make it seem like the other people have it worse than them to make themselves feel better. Most times people will pick apart someone else’s life because they are not happy with their own life. The same goes for those that have to nit pick someone’s flaws. They are seeing the things in others that they do not like about themselves.

May 21, 2016 at 1:23 am

@kaka135 Where we live now, everybody speaks English and very few speak French or a third language. When we lived in Montreal, we needed French to get by. The children had difficulty to learn because of their disabilities. They were also very shy, so it was tough for them to make friends with the kids in the neighbourhood. Had they been more outgoing, I think it wouldn’t have mattered so much.

May 21, 2016 at 1:45 am

@morgoodie Yes, I agree with you. A car is just a transportation. 🙂

My husband and I talked about this. Even though if we are rich one day, we will still continue our current lifestyle – simple and frugal life, as we are contented with our life now, though we might not have enough sometimes, we are grateful for having all the necessities. At least we have a shelter and a car to bring us around, and we are never hungry.

@ruby3881 I always respect one’s personality or temperament. If a kid is shy, I would just let him be and not force him to try to socialize with others. He can do it whenever he wants. I guess this is one of the reasons I like about Waldorf education, because it respects the child and his temperament as well. Of course, I think some other educational approaches do that as well, but in public or public school, this might not be respected.

I just remember this boy we met in the playground who is the same age as my son. He likes to go to every child and says he is taller than others. I do not know he just wants to state the fact, or compete with others. This is something I found it weird when some adults also like to compare. Some relatives like to comment my kids are thiner and shorter, or my little girl is shy. I think some of these are born to be, why compare with others? As long as they are healthy, I am happy. Moreover, I am actually quite short, why do they expect my children to be very tall? These are something I can’t stand with people comparing/competing sometimes. These are something can’t be improved too. 😀

June 21, 2016 at 7:03 pm

There are some people close to me who used to compare things to others. I am a competitive person but I compete to myself. It is not healthy to compare things to others. In this process, you might hurt other people.

July 7, 2016 at 7:11 pm

This is the worst thing that anyone would do for themselves, when you start comparing and competing with the people around you then that just shows how insecure you are about yourself. We read in the bible that there is a time for everything in this life. So when you start to compare others with yourself you are sinning because we are all created in a unique way and we are well able and anointed to do whatever we want to do. So to answer your question yes there are lots of people who actually compare themselves with others are even in competition with me when am not even aware.