Family & Relations...
In this group you can discuss different issues, problems or may be good part in family and relationship. You can share tips for healthly relationship. You can also share stuffs like, how to be a good mom or dad, etc.
The "In-laws"
| Author | Posts |
|
How well do you get along with your in-laws? When we weren’t living “literally” next door to my MIL, I got along. Since we recently moved and are living next door, it’s hard to get along. My mom is older than my MIL and my mom is more active than the MIL. My mom doesn’t complain about getting old, like the MIL does. I could go on and on, but we will be the ones that are here when the MIL will pass on. So I have to remind myself that I have to be a “good” DIL because her own daughters don’t visit her very much.
|
|
|
Believe it or not, I am actually on my third and FINAL set of in-laws! LOL The first set were only good to me if I did what they wanted all the time. They have not seen my son (their grandson) in over 20 years and it was not because I did not try to encourage it. They simply had no interest in him when they found out I was not going to raise him to be their little slave farm hand like they wanted. My 2nd set of in-laws was better. I kind of had an up and down relationship with my MIL, in the beginning but it got better. Then sadly, she got sick with cancer and I helped take care of her. My FIL was awesome and I still care a great deal about him. My current in-laws are wonderful people. I could not have a better MIL or FIL. They live right across the road from us and they treat me and my children like we have been their family all our lives. I wish I had met their son and them 25 years ago, but I am very blessed to have them all now. Here’s a pic of my handsome Hubby and his amazing parents. <3
|
|
|
My in-laws are sadly no longer with us. They died within months of one another, roughly four years ago now. I loved them dearly, and considered them my friends. My father-in-law was an old hippy with a mane of red hair, and a beard and personality to match. He was one of the sweetest and most loving men you could ever meet, but he loved to cultivate the image of a gruff old troll whom people ought to fear. My mother-in-law was the type to quietly size things up, and only speak when she had something important to say. She was a “grande dame,” who had endured a great deal of hardship and illness in her life but whose grace was unfailing, right to the end of her life. Yes, we did need our space as @4cryingoutloud does with her inlaws. But they were kindred spirits, and I gladly spent many days just sitting and drinking coffee with my MIL, or plotting chaos with my FIL. They left a very big hole in my life when they died… |
|
|
I get along quite well with my parents in laws, especially my mom in law. We do not stay together, and we usually go back to our home town and visit them every two months. I guess it’s because we respect each other, and she knows me quite well. She knows I am a stubborn person, especially when it comes to parenting or about my children, I will insist on my way. So, even she doesn’t really agree with me, she respects my decision. Of course, I always talk to her nicely. Well, my husband is stubborn as well, and we are on the same page. So my mom in law understands it’s our way to parent the children, and she slowly accepts it too. Besides some differences about parenting, our mindsets are actually quite different too, but it doesn’t harm our relationship. We just always share what we think and what we have experienced. My mom in law is a nice lady to chat with, and she doesn’t demand too much from me too! Some mothers in law might require the daughter in law to do a lot of house work, I am glad she doesn’t. So, I feel quite comfortable to be with her, and I can just be myself. 😀 |
|
|
good to hear that your 3rd sets of in laws are cool parents to you. It is difficult to encounter kind inlaws these days. By the way, they looked very humble and loving in the picture. your hubby is the only son? I am sorry to hear about your parents in law. Why do good people always leave us? I am sure that they missed you too. Good to have such sweet memories. you got one lucky mother in law. I agree with you that old folks are more superstitious than us the younger generation. For example about the confinement traditional rules, your mother in law does not insisted on them. However, mine insisted to the end. If I don’t follow her rules, she would nag at my hubby. He can’t stand her. In additional she also nags at me when the way I educate and guide my kids. She cannot accept our teaching style, she nags a lot and disagree a lot but she always agrees with her own daughter ‘s educating style. She had been living with us under the same roof for the past 20 years , never agreed once. So, we were having a hard time to live with her nagging and disagreements. If she were simple, easy to talk to and not stubborn, accept the new generation lifestyle, I would be very happy to live with her. Anyway, she moved away last year. I think she couldn’t stand us anymore.
|
|
|
@peachpurple Sorry to say that, but I think it’s good that your mother in law decided to leave on her own, it’d be better for your relationship as well. It’s not easy to stay under the same roof. Though I love both my mom and mom in law, I do not think I can really stay with them for long term. Both my husband and I like to do what we love, but not following their “rules”, hence it might be quite difficult for us to stay together. I do not want to always disagree with them, I do not want to make them unhappy, but there are something I certainly will not follow. Same as my husband, so my mom in law will not nag at my husband, she knows he is even more stubborn than I. 😀 Actually all my parents and parents in law disagreed with our decision on homeschooling, but they did not say much about it, as they knew my husband and I have made the decision. I just told them not to worry, as my children will be fine. Glad that now they seemed to accept it and agree with it. 🙂 |
|
|
Wah, your mom and mom in law are so cool! if my mom in law knows about home schooling, she would say learn nothing but nonsense! how old is your mom and your mom in law?
My mom is 64 yrs old, a stroke patient. my mom in law is 85++ somewhere around there…. |
|
|
@peachpurple No, my husband has a brother that is three years older than him. But yes, my in-laws are very humble and kind. They claim my children as their grandchildren and are much better to them than their own grandparents ever were. My MIL is the sweetest little lady. She teaches kindergarten students at a Christian school that is right up the road from us and her little students absolutely adore her. My FIL worked at a steel manufacturing plant for many years, but is now retired. He stays busy all the time working around the house and outside. They raised both of their boys to be kind, hard working and honest men. Not to brag or anything, but my husband could not be better person and I know it is all thanks to them. They are just two of the finest people I have ever known. I am truly blessed. 🙂 |
|
|
I think that no matter how good a person is, the in laws will always be in conflict with us because we grew up differently and have different beliefs.
I also had a more peaceful life when my family was living a bit far from them. Although we still lived in one of their properties, a few blocks away, I dont get to have “surprise visits”. But when we were asked to live with the rest of my husband’s siblings’ families in one compound, that was when things got a bit tough. There are times that my brothers in law or sisters in law and me would have arguments. I stay away from them. I am really not the type who would be fighting coz it’s just a waste of time. But they always end up asking for my help. Yeah! They can’t live without me! Lol I am just happt to help them when they need me. It is like given an award because I know I am more capable than them! Hahaha ( evil laugh)😛 |
|
|
@peachpurple I forgot to mention, that I am sorry your relationship with your MIL was not better. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, there is no way to get along with some people. Usually those people are very unhappy within themselves and therefore, they try to make others miserable too. I could not live with someone like that. I am sure your life is less stressful now that she has moved out. |
|
|
yes you were right after all. It is difficult to live with someone who doesn’t intend to get along with each other. One would live a miserable life for sure. Thanks for your kind words. I just wish that she could hear this. I want to live with her till her last breath, she is 85++ now. However, if she keeps disagree with whatever I do, kept nagging at me and hubby, there is no happiness in the family. Relationship worsen when my sister in laws (all 5 of them ) interfere our family problems. Hence, I am glad that she had finally decided to move out. However, since last year she had moved in to one of her son’s residence, she had become haggard and older. Hubby also noticed. You see, she had no freedom to do anything she wanted to. When she was living with us, she is free to do anything. I guess she had learned that living with another set of family is different.
|
|
|
I agree with you, living with the rest of the in law siblings, one is bound to have conflict with one another. You will see different Groups of family members ganging up to make the life of the other miserable. Then you can see that these siblings are “currying favor” mom / dad in laws, to gain “power” “money” or backup. Although young and old folks are taught to live together in harmony, would it be nice if the older ones set the good example first, right? Thanks for sharing your experience to us too |
|
|
@peachpurple I am so sorry. That is just a sad situation all around. You and your husband gave it your best by living with her for so many years. I am sure you worry about her now since she is older. I hope things get better. |
|
|
I get along very well with my mother, it is true I have small glitches would be fight but anyway I love very much and really do not see how life would be without sons with her. Still not keep in touch with my dad for about 16 years, so with him not quite close, so the job is simply not talk to him very much. And with my parents in law, what can I say, I inteleb well, how we can survive together, so be good and not bad. |
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
